My mom is clinically depressed and she is going down hill fast. She is completely immobile. She needs to bathe and take her meds. My brother and I are trying, but she wont help herself. It is like she wants to die! Help!
"I am caring for my mother...who is 80 years old, living at home with depression, incontinence, mobility problems, and urinary tract infection."
Is she clear of the UTI? Having a UTI can make an elder go down fast and suddenly. If you have any reason to believe she might still have the infection, please move forward to getting her in for another test and round of treatment. Left untreated a UTI can turn septic and life threatening. Often there are no other symptoms that an elder identifies, but can display dementia-like symptoms; confusion, hallucinations, etc.
Is there a neighbor who might be willing (for a small fee) to come in to give her the meds? Someone she's familiar with and trusts? Or maybe contact social services for her county to see if she qualifies for any in-home help, like light housekeeping, hygiene and food prep.
There's only so much you can do if she refuses to cooperate. I wish you wisdom and peace in your heart as you sort it out with your brother.
As hard as it is to watch a LO living like your mother is, there's nothing you can do if she doesn't want to help herself and be compliant with a care plan.
You say you live 58 miles away. Maybe you or your brother, or both of you could take a little time off from the FMLA amd help your mother get straightened out.
Is she in assisted living? If she's now immobile and has clinical depression she probably should be. She should also be living closer to you or your brother.
Does anyone have her POA? No one will even be allowed to communicate with her doctors unless they do.
I don't know how old your mother is, but if she's old, immobile, and lonely she may very well be ready to go to the next life. It's hard to witness a LO giving up, but when it's time it's time.
My father loved life and lived up until he gave up a few months before his 92nd birthday. He had been in a nursing home for several months and he wanted to go. Then he did.
This could be the case for your mother too depending on her age and other life factors.
Alva is right. Talk to your mother and then listen. I don't mean listen to incessant complaining and the negativity that seniors spread around for recreation. I mean really listen and you'll know what bits are important and which aren't. Then you can help her plan from there.
What began the slide? What illness is she diagnosed with that has taken her off her feet? Is this an illness, aging, depression or a combo? Has she been seen by her MD for depression, and diagnosed as having it?
Most importantly, what does she tell you when you ask her "Are you tired? Are you wanting to make an exit now?". You need to talk to her and more importantly you need to let HER TALK. Most of my patients shared with me that their families would not discuss with them that they were ready to go. My own Dad told me he had had a wonderful life but was now exhausted by life at 92 and wished to have the last "long nap". Your Mom may honestly wish to die and it may have ZERO to do with depression. Elders cannot discuss this with families because families think they can fix it and they cannot. Elders are left to talk about this important subject with their RN, a total stranger.
You don't mention how old your Mom is, but whatever is happening start with a long and honest talk. If she is feeling depressed it may be helped by medication, but if she is tired that needs to be acknowledged by you, and you need to ask her if there are ways you can help make her last time, something neither of you have any control over in terms of time, better for her.
"I am caring for my mother...who is 80 years old, living at home with depression, incontinence, mobility problems, and urinary tract infection."
Is she clear of the UTI? Having a UTI can make an elder go down fast and suddenly. If you have any reason to believe she might still have the infection, please move forward to getting her in for another test and round of treatment. Left untreated a UTI can turn septic and life threatening. Often there are no other symptoms that an elder identifies, but can display dementia-like symptoms; confusion, hallucinations, etc.
Is there a neighbor who might be willing (for a small fee) to come in to give her the meds? Someone she's familiar with and trusts? Or maybe contact social services for her county to see if she qualifies for any in-home help, like light housekeeping, hygiene and food prep.
There's only so much you can do if she refuses to cooperate. I wish you wisdom and peace in your heart as you sort it out with your brother.
You say you live 58 miles away. Maybe you or your brother, or both of you could take a little time off from the FMLA amd help your mother get straightened out.
Is she in assisted living? If she's now immobile and has clinical depression she probably should be.
She should also be living closer to you or your brother.
Does anyone have her POA? No one will even be allowed to communicate with her doctors unless they do.
I don't know how old your mother is, but if she's old, immobile, and lonely she may very well be ready to go to the next life.
It's hard to witness a LO giving up, but when it's time it's time.
My father loved life and lived up until he gave up a few months before his 92nd birthday. He had been in a nursing home for several months and he wanted to go. Then he did.
This could be the case for your mother too depending on her age and other life factors.
Alva is right. Talk to your mother and then listen. I don't mean listen to incessant complaining and the negativity that seniors spread around for recreation. I mean really listen and you'll know what bits are important and which aren't. Then you can help her plan from there.
What began the slide? What illness is she diagnosed with that has taken her off her feet? Is this an illness, aging, depression or a combo? Has she been seen by her MD for depression, and diagnosed as having it?
Most importantly, what does she tell you when you ask her "Are you tired? Are you wanting to make an exit now?". You need to talk to her and more importantly you need to let HER TALK. Most of my patients shared with me that their families would not discuss with them that they were ready to go. My own Dad told me he had had a wonderful life but was now exhausted by life at 92 and wished to have the last "long nap". Your Mom may honestly wish to die and it may have ZERO to do with depression. Elders cannot discuss this with families because families think they can fix it and they cannot. Elders are left to talk about this important subject with their RN, a total stranger.
You don't mention how old your Mom is, but whatever is happening start with a long and honest talk. If she is feeling depressed it may be helped by medication, but if she is tired that needs to be acknowledged by you, and you need to ask her if there are ways you can help make her last time, something neither of you have any control over in terms of time, better for her.