How long can I expect to have my mother with us? Some days are good and others seem like the end!

When was the last time someone listened to her chest? Does she have congestive heart failure?

Has she had a hospice evaluation (I ask because of the morphine)?

Yes, she is in hospice and her heart is strong, with hypertension and now her left arm and legs are swollen.

It sounds like she is having fluid buildup.(when I said chest meant her lungs, not heart).

When was the last time the hospice nurse saw her? Morphine will help the shortness of breath. Is she restless?

Has her breathing changed since they saw her? Do you know what Cheyney Stokes breathing sounds like?

Cheyney stokes is end of life breathing. You can Google it.

When you say " I want to be ready and know what to do", what do you mean?

Have the hospice folks discussed how to keep mom comfortable, how to keep her mouth moist? Have they given you instructions on how to use the comfort meds? And assured you that you can call them any time? Even in the middle of the night? (((((Hugs))))))).

(((((Hugs))))) to you too!!!!

I'm told that Hospices usually give out a booklet with information about what to expect, have you read it? If you don't have one you might find this article helpful

http://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Topics/Topics/Final+Days/When+Death+is+Near.aspx

Actually cheyne stokes is also seen at the end of life.

https://www.crossroadshospice.com/hospice-caregiver-support/end-of-life-signs/breathing-patterns/

Worried in Cali is correct. You will see changes in breathing. You may also see a mottling and cooling of the lower extremities. The use of the morphine makes me think she is on hospice. Do discuss this with them and tell them that you want the signs you can watch for. I think you are trying to plan out in your own mind what it will be for you/what it will feel like. You never really can do that. Spend the time quietly talking with her about things you remember, and the love you bear her.

How is mom today?

Thank you all for the great information. Yes, she is still taking her morphine and doing well. Blood pressure 120 and lungs have a little gurgling. She got a bath today from nurses which is rare. She likes only us to do it. She asked for chicken and potatoes for dinner :) Oxygen all night but is at 94 right now. You have a good weekend now. It is good to talk to someone else. With her hearing gone it is difficult to share things with her, but we can listen and love her. She always talked a lot but now is like she is in a trance. (((Hugs))))

This appears to be beyond your expertise and abilities...perhaps if she's not already, you need to seek a nice and reputable hospice care...her weight is alarming (although I know nothing of her physiology) and it is probably best to have expert medical staff to care for her end of life time...with your visits/presence, you can still remain connected...always remember her life before this period!

You sounds like a kind and loving person and the love you are giving to your mom means more than all the "more professional care" she would receive at the end of her life. Good for you and God bless.

It sounds like she Belongs in Hospice Here, Dear...Give them a Call. God Bless you.

More and more time asleep is part of the dying process. The Hospice "What to Expect" booklet is enormously helpful.

Contact Hospice in your area they will help you as well as your mom.
There is a great pamphlet called "Crossing the Creek" you can read it on line. There are many other pamphlets that will tell you what to expect. When Death is Near is another.
But Hospice will help you with all the things that you will have to do, they will make the phone calls that need to be made. they will guide you and support you.

Dear One
please let her doctor know and ask to facilitate getting mom on hospice. They were a tremendous support and blessing for my dad and us when at this time. Blessings.

How much time do we have left? It's the burning question on everyone's mind and almost impossible to answer. I know that with my mom I kept trying to figure this out. Sometimes it looked like days and other times I thought maybe she could go on for months. The signs are outlined in various pamphlets and online articles. Unfortunately there is no exact list of steps that every person follows.
Refusing solid food and only accepting clear fluids is often a sign that she is ready to go.

One thing to be aware of though is that many people have a "last hurrah". It's an odd surge of energy near the end of life. She may sit up in bed and chat quite lucidly or want to get up out of bed when she hasn't been up for days. It can be heart breaking if you think your loved one is suddenly on the mend and then they end up passing away the very next day.
Also don't be surprised if she tells you she has seen or talked with loved ones who have previously passed. This is not uncommon. Don't tell her she's wrong or confused. Many people have said that spirits of loved ones are present near the end of life and are waiting on the other side to help us "cross over".

Tell her you love her and that everything's going to be alright. She can hear you even when she seems "out of it".

Don't feel bad if you're not in the room when she does pass. That's VERY common. It's as if they wait till you've stepped away or gone to take a break, and then they can let go. ❤

About 48 hrs before death, the hands and feet turn blue--but the patient is usually comatose and unresponsive even before then. This does not appear to be difficult for the patient at all. It's what I hope for for myself.

She may have an infection that can turn her around, or it may be time to let nature take its course. My husband kept going downhill, losing weight, not eating solids... and a doctor approved him for hospice. He was nearly dead, and I knew not why, so I changed primary care doctor's. The new doc insisted we go to ER as she discovered a reparable condition or a death sentence... though I have POA I felt husband had presence of mind to make the decision... he choice life.

Hello Buenosaires.It seems from Your Post that Mom is approaching the end stage of Her Life, and no matter how You plan, nothing can ever prepare You for what is ahead. Ask Hospice to take over from here as They will ensure Your Mom will not suffer. You can feel very proud of Yourself Girl because You have been a wonderful Daughter and Cared so well for Your Dear Mother Who loves You so much.
Lots of Hugs to Your Mom.

No one can give you definite answers. Signs of impending death: not eating or drinking, sleeping a lot or comatose, shallow breathing (there are videos with sounds of end of life breath patterns), decreased circulation to extremities... but no one can pinpoint the "when".

Now is the time for loved ones to gather to tell mom how much they love her - while she can still respond. Now is the time to talk to mom about end of life "stuff" - her will should already be completed, her preferences for memorial services, who she wants to see before she passes, any "life obligations" such as bills, home, car, divesting of personal items... Maybe write down memories she has of her family, friends, and events in her life that she would like others to know.

You can see it as either the end of her life or the investment she is and has made in others lives.

Make the time she has left with you pleasant and memorable: bring her favorite flowers, rub on her favorite perfume and lotions, offer her favorite foods or drinks, play her favorite music...

No one can predict when a loved one will pass. However, given her situation, have you thought about asking her physician to order a hospice consult? The hospice can provide assistance with pain and symptom management, caregiving, and medical equipment if needed. The hospice agency also can provide emotional support as well as spiritual support if needed. The service is covered by Medicare as well as private insurance.

Call in Hospice, or your doctor can order it for you, or HH.

Just lost my mother to Dementia August 17 2019, When she got to that point it was a matter of weeks.

I had gotten Hospice involved about a month earlier my mothers doctor kept telling me it wasn't time so after mom had a fall and ended up in a Nursing Home rehab for 20 days I decided to call Hospice myself right after she came home and thank God I did or moms doctor would've continued playing twisted little games.

When I was caretaker for my husband I read and re-read the Hospice booklet every day. A Hospice nurse came by twice a week for about 1/2 an hour at a time. A bath aide was available twice a week, but we usually only had her come once a week. My husband called her "The Scrub Lady," but he never actually let her bathe him. They would visit if he was in a good mood. The remaining 166 hours a week were all mine. I consulted that Hospice booklet multiple times every day. It helped so much to know what to expect each week, each day, each hour.

My best to you. Do the best you know how with everything that comes along.

If it's from Alzheimer's, withholding water and food, it can take 2 to 3 weeks to die of dehydration, even with hospice on board. Many variables exist with the person's underlying health

Perhaps only God knows that answer. Hugs to you.💞💞