I've been taking care of my Mom for years now, finances, & medical, caretaking needs. I got burned out, Home care, was arranged, and in order to get her to agree we lied and said govt/insurance paying since she wanted to stay home and I wanted to respect those wishes. For the past year, mom has fallen multiple times, at home and while we had 24/7 care takers at her house, live-in care takers as well. The last fall was the worse, cracked open the head with 18 staples, UTI infection then contracted CDEF at hospital, discharged to rehap within 4 days from hospital. At that time I decided that mom need a 'higher" level of care and the 24/7 care at home just wasn't working any longer despite her wishes and AL the next step. I explained that to my older sisters, who haven't taken on any responsibility for my mom, and basically they didnt seem to care. Both of my sisters have been provided housing-by mom who has bought houses and charges them very low rent to live.
This was the last week at rehab and she thought she was going back home. I had advised physicians and nurses that she has to go to respite care at AL (asked the professionals for help since I knew she was difficult ), instead of going home. The social worker advise me to let mom know the day before rehab discharge. Well, major "backfire" advise. My mom went into a major drama scene (she does have dementia/alzheimers)when she was told, and she would commit suicide, if she couldn't go home. A different social worker contacted me that day, (yesterday) said she was on 24/7 watch and may have to go into psych ward, discharge plans were postponed till Dr's were console. So the rehab center, contacted a psychiatrist immediately see her. Next day, the rehab center social worker said she was off 24/7 watch, and primary care doctor said she wasn't a threat and the Psychiatrist deemed my mom competent.
Mom decided to go home with 24/7 care. Discharge forth-coming on a Monday. I mentioned it did not work in the past, the AL was already in place, some of her furniture at AL. Advise him it was in his hands, my mom deemed competent. I told him, I was dropping off her purse, with check book, credit cards for her to sign the contract for 24/7 care and have her make the deposit to the company. Explained to him "I'm done" I tried talking to my mom to re-consider and it was a no go.... she said Iwas kicking her to the curb...and other nasty names with verbal abuse.
Later today, the social worker continued to contact me since my mom was told him she didn't have any money to pay for 24/7 care, she didn't know who to contact. I just explained to him, she was deemed competent, it is her decision now.
This is the very short story version of what has transpired in the last week.
Today, I made the decision to detached, even when I know it is her disease, stubbornness, being a control freak and her unwillingness to let me help.
My mom will now be in the hands of the court system, rehab units and protective services if it comes to that point and rehab will make that call, not me... To my mom -- I'm sorry mom... couldn't do enough for you....