My dad has Parkinson's and my mom who is 82 is not equipped to help him. We have been to the hospital twice, rehab, etc. If she gets a caregiver that it not going to be enough to handle everything he needs- meds, mobility, etc,
They live in a big house that they can't handle.

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This sounds tough. Caring for someone with Parkinson's is no walk in the park. I could see why your 82 you mom would be having difficulty with that.

How much support are you providing? To help bring them to a teachable moment, you might have to back way down on what you are doing for them so they/she can more clearly see that this situation is NOT sustainable.

Does your mom have any issues?

Is their paperwork in order? Will, POA, etc.?

If you are helping take care of the house, hire someone (with their money) to clean and do the maintenance. Hire someone to cut the grass, etc.

Set some serious boundaries. As long as you keep doing for them, they will not be able to see how dependent they are.

Is it time for dad to go into assisted living?

Maybe you can't convince them to sell the house but you don't have to make it easy for them to keep it either.

So hard.....
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Reply to againx100

I am so sorry. My mom had Parkinson’s disease. She died this past April at age 95. It’s a brutal disease.

If their minds are made up, I don’t know what you can do to change it. You can’t force them to do what is best.

I wish you peace as you navigate your way through this difficult time in your life.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom

Call the Office of Aging and ask if they can evaluate to see what they may need. Sometimes people will listen to a stranger before a child.

If you are being asked to help just keep saying No. Keep saying that they need to get help or go to an AL together. Something will happen that a decision will have to be made. Dad may wind up in rehab and they won't discharge him because the home is not safe for him.
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Reply to JoAnn29

"Getting old ain't for the faint of heart". Quote by Anthony Hopkins.

So you've explained they need more help. What response did you get?

Denial? No we do not! Or, yes we'll see to that (but don't).

Or some acceptance? Maybe that help is needed but just not how much?

Or understanding that old age & health issues are bringing big changes to their lives, but grief & anger about it. Not yet acceptance.

Life becomes the teacher I think for many...

How about cobbling together as much as help as is available as their Plan A *age in place*. As a trial. They can simplify things like getting meds preprepared by pharmacy into Webster packs, groceries delivered, meal delivery service, cleaning service, gardening service, aides for bathe assist.

If this is all just too hard (like being Mayor of a small town!), or is still insufficient for the needs, next is Plan B *age in a different place* eg Assisted Living.

If I am off track, let me know. If the help you want is more HOW to stop answering your phone, how to stop yourself driving there, stop yourself doing everything etc
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Reply to Beatty

If they are competent, they can make their own bad decisions.

This does not obligate you to prop them up.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn

Before you encourage them to check permanently into a nursing home, think twice about their preferences and how that could impact them.

They may choose to stay at home and employ caretakers.
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Reply to ACaringDaughter
Beatty Jul 21, 2021
Just careful how you phrase it! They may choose to stay at home & nominate traceteacher to be the live in cook, cleaner, maid, chaufeur, yardperson, financier & of course chief toenail clipper.
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