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He needs meds and support now. He's been experiencing dementia symptoms for a few years and kicked into high gear 8 months ago...in the middle of Covid-19.

First of all meds are no cure for dementia. No proven cure. As far as meds to control his actions, that's certainly another question altogether. Is your husband currently agitated and out of control? Or is this just a question of memory loss (because that cannot be helped with early medications; there honestly are no medications that can prevent it.
Is this a neuro-psyc doctor? I would change doctors. You may end up needing placement for your husband. Medication cocktails are extremely difficult to get as far as the right combo, extremely difficult to get ones that KEEP working over time, and they need adjusting all the time. Your husband, if there is a lot of acting out will also be difficult to place. I hope that you told your Doctor that your husband, as currently medicated (or not) is impossible for you to control and live with, and will need placement and medications both under present circumstances. If he is still of the "see you in 6 months" bent it is time to seek other help. He isn't the right doctor for your case. Inform him of this and request transfer of all records when you find another neuro-psyc doc.
This has to be impossibly difficult; I honestly cannot imagine. I certainly do wish you the best of luck.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to AlvaDeer
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Just tell him/her that you live with DH and know him best and think he needs more help in the form of meds. If that doesn’t work, get another neurologist!
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Reply to KathleenQ
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Hi, LuvrofCmasMusic,

I’m pretty sure I’m in the same situation with my own DH. Memory issues, both long-term and short-term. He passes the mini-mental easily so neither Banner Alzheimers nor Barrow’s will give us a diagnosis. I think meds ARE available to help with the memory issues. The system is broken, but we have to march on. Meanwhile DH forgot how to make pasta! So he read the instructions on the box and carefully measured 2 qts of water. Same day, he forgot how to get to the dog park where we are regulars in our small town. Etc, etc. Bottom line, WE need to plan ahead, introduce other caregivers now, whether relatives, friends or paid, and just assume he has Alzheimer’s, which causes MOST dementia. Even without a label WE have to face that our primary relationship has changed and we must figure out how to provide appropriate care. WE must not let them drive without us, or maybe not at all. Even if the neuros give meds (ours focuses on daily aerobic exercise and eating healthy instead of prescribing meds that could help with memory ) and a diagnosis, it won’t change what I must do. At this point I just assume it’ll keep progressing.
Sorry, let’s keep sharing concerns and forget about the neuros, who aren’t helpful.

Barb
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Reply to aZBarb
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Oh, you poor dear! You are dealing with 2 sides of the coin --which are not functioning as a whole. One, the Dr. is not working the system. He's playing it. I imagine that the Insurance Companies have a 6-month period forced on the medical people. Your Dr. is not being agressive enough for your husband's needs. However---getting an appointment with another neurologist may also take six months.
Now it's time for you to get assertive. Call your Dr. or Zoom with him. Don't let the receptionists tell you it can't be done. Explain CLEARLY what is going on. Ask, how can we get help for DH?
The sad part of this whole situation is that your husband is in a different space and time. YOU already know what tests will tell you in six months --he is declining. Peace be to you and your DH. Your road might be as hard as his.
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Reply to Bethanycares
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What are the main behaviour issues? Any violent behaviour needs immediate action to keep yourself safe.

Then my safety list is as follows;
Fires, falls, fear, fraud (the 4 Fs).

If he mobile around the house, is he a danger cooking/heating in the kitchen? Is he falling? Is there paranoia/fear - risk of wandering from home? Access to money/credit cards & risk of using inappropriately?

Any of these need support in the home support as soon as can be arranged. If not able to manage in the home setting, then early placement into care may becomes necessary.

Don't wait for neuro report for support. Get onto a dementia counselling service or area of aging now.
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Reply to Beatty
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What sort of meds do you feel DH needs? My mother has been suffering from dementia since 2016 and there are no meds that will help her with memory issues. Unless he's acting violent or having hallucinations, IDK if there ARE any meds he can be prescribed. But maybe there are, based on symptoms you haven't mentioned. Just don't expect a miracle drug to kick in and stop his dementia........it would be nice if such a pill existed, that's for sure.

How you tell the neurologist is by saying, "Doctor, neither of us can wait 6 more months to see if there is further memory decline from the tests just run, he needs meds now, please." Just like you said here. My husband & I have been going back & forth to doctors for the past 9 months, right in the middle of the virus, nothing stopped really, just for a short period of time and then everything picked right back up.

Wishing you the best of luck.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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cweissp Mar 29, 2021
IDK? What is that?
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Sounds like you are dissatisfied with the neurologist. Find another and get a 2nd opinion. I would suggest you might find some help by calling your local Alzheimer's Assn...not because he has that necessarily, but because they often know of the local resources. Even better is going to 1 or 2 support group meetings with others who will not only offer support but will be able to speak freely about who is a good MD in your area. Just beware that many put all their hopes in the meds as the answer and they often are not. It may offers some improvement, but don't count on it.
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Reply to gdaughter
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Certain meds help only in the beginning. As the desease progresses they really don't help. If your DH is having night terrors or hallucinations that upset him, then yes a medication may help. If he is getting aggressive or violent, he definitely needs something because now he could hurt you. If he has anxiety, meds will help. These things do not show up on tests.

But normal progression of the desease, nothing will change the fact that his brain is dying. He is probably already experiencing short-term memory loss. Can't be reasoned with, having problems processing what is being said, shows no empathy or appreciation in what u do for him. Maybe seems more like a small child than an adult. This and more are the natural progression of the desease. No med is going to reverse it or stop it.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I went through this with my mother during the height of the pandemic. You need to be the squeeky wheel sometimes to get what is needed in a timely manner.
I also have been using aromatherapy and herbal support for my mother. For anyone who does not believe in these things I can tell you that they have all helped my mother (and me) tremendously! There is no cure for dementia but the symptoms can be dealt with for sure. After just a year her attitude has changed, minimal angry outbursts. Has been more involved in her care when this time last year she just wanted to sit in her chair and watch tv. Now she looks forward to taking a walk, showering, helping with meals. She has even started doing some small arts and crafts things again. The 3 best things I have given her are ginger/tumeric with black pepper (for digestive and inflammation) and melatonin for sleep and calm emotions. Prior to thus I was ready to pull my hair out. She still has some bad days but they are much less and not as severe as they were. No lore swearing and throwing things. Maybe you can talk to DH's primary care about some holistic options. Stay strong and don't let the doctors dismiss you or his needs.
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Reply to tmoock
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Imho, if you have had to wait six months to get a definitive answer from THIS neurologist, it is beyond due time to locate another neurologist.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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