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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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There were times when shopping with my Husband that he would follow someone in the store. I would ask where he was going and would say he had to look for his wife. I said "I will walk with you until we find her" and we would walk to the exit. Once we were out of the store and he saw the car he would get right in and we would head home. (If I did have items in the cart I would ask him if I could pay for them before we continued looking and he would wait)
I do not think the last 8 years of his life he called me by my name. He was also pretty much non verbal at that point anyway. BUT..when I would leave him with a caregiver I would always give him a kiss before I left and he would kiss me back. So I know there was a connection. The caregivers would tell me as soon as he heard the garage door open in the afternoon he would stat getting excited. He made small, moaning noises and when he would get excited the volume and intensity of the noise would increase, that was how they could tell he was excited about something. Usually it was a Cubs or Bears game that I would have recorded.
I know it is hard and it hurts thinking he does not know you but deep down he knows you are a person he can trust, he knows that you are there for him if he needs something.
My Husband and I would have been married 44 years May 6th The less you stress about names, relationships the less he will feel stressed and or embarrassed. ((hugs))
I would let his response dictate the visit. When you think of it, his no longer knowing you or knowing your relationship really frees you in many ways to come only when you wish to see him, and check on him, and visit with him. Those elders who can no longer recognize anyone have usually a way of confabulating, such as introducing you as "Here's my fine friend who visits me", and etc. Just play along. There is honestly no sense to sitting there and repeatedly saying "But, Darling! I am your WIFE. Don't you REMEMBER?" Because, no, he doesn't.
You know more than any of us can say what it is to lose someone who is still there in body. It is tragic. But as I said, there is no way to change it, and in some ways it frees you to get on with your life. I am so very sorry for this heartbreak, but it isn't as though he has left you for another life, another woman, or by choice. His mind has left his own body, and with it has gone all the loving memories you shared. Again, I am so sorry.
We live at home in our same location for all 49 years. I don’t react much at all when he doesn’t know me, but just continue with our routine of the day. He has moderate cognitive impairment (officially diagnosed about 4 years ago; his field was geriatric sociology; he was a professor and clinical social worker in that field) and can handle almost all his functions of daily living. We still can go out to dinner together, for example, and we have friends over to visit. He forgets names of most of his friends, but he usually gets oriented when they are here for a while. He just gets really disoriented at times and appears to perceive my role as that of a paid assistant, who comes and goes from our home.
He helped establish the state gerontology association and was the state president for several years. He speaks quite cogently about his disease and how it makes him feel. That’s why it really throws me when he his cognitive dissonance about our relationship comes into the dialogue.
Although I haven't been in your exact situation (but I was with an Aunt with advanced dementia who raised me but forgot that relationship), I found and watched this video that I think will be helpful to you:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxkD1xrNvMU
May you receive peace in your heart on this journey.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I do not think the last 8 years of his life he called me by my name.
He was also pretty much non verbal at that point anyway.
BUT..when I would leave him with a caregiver I would always give him a kiss before I left and he would kiss me back. So I know there was a connection.
The caregivers would tell me as soon as he heard the garage door open in the afternoon he would stat getting excited. He made small, moaning noises and when he would get excited the volume and intensity of the noise would increase, that was how they could tell he was excited about something. Usually it was a Cubs or Bears game that I would have recorded.
I know it is hard and it hurts thinking he does not know you but deep down he knows you are a person he can trust, he knows that you are there for him if he needs something.
My Husband and I would have been married 44 years May 6th
The less you stress about names, relationships the less he will feel stressed and or embarrassed.
((hugs))
Those elders who can no longer recognize anyone have usually a way of confabulating, such as introducing you as "Here's my fine friend who visits me", and etc. Just play along. There is honestly no sense to sitting there and repeatedly saying "But, Darling! I am your WIFE. Don't you REMEMBER?"
Because, no, he doesn't.
You know more than any of us can say what it is to lose someone who is still there in body. It is tragic. But as I said, there is no way to change it, and in some ways it frees you to get on with your life. I am so very sorry for this heartbreak, but it isn't as though he has left you for another life, another woman, or by choice. His mind has left his own body, and with it has gone all the loving memories you shared. Again, I am so sorry.
He helped establish the state gerontology association and was the state president for several years. He speaks quite cogently about his disease and how it makes him feel. That’s why it really throws me when he his cognitive dissonance about our relationship comes into the dialogue.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxkD1xrNvMU
May you receive peace in your heart on this journey.