She was diagnosed with Dementia in Oct. 2017 ( she's had it longer than that but that's when she finally went to dr.) So we made the decision that I would transfer with my job and live with my mom because she didn't want to move to TX. I'm single with no children. I moved here June 1 2018 ...drove out here with my 3 cats and left the good life... but since I've been here she has gotten worse and I already have POA and POA over health and she has already signed over successor trustee to me. In the POA it states I am able to get compensation for care giving ...I remember when the attorney told her that I was able to get 1% of whatever she was worth ( she does have money ) and she was fine with it but now she's been in the untrusting mode and nothing is wrong with her and doesn't want to help me ...yet she has misplaced her debit card several times and I don't have the money to buy groceries and take care of any other household things that may go wrong , she always thinks she has money in her wallet that is missing...hallucinates sometimes during the day and is delusional at night making up stories that my friends ( which all my friends are in TX )are swinging her cats around...I don't have any friends that aren't animal lovers any way. She thinks I'm taking food up to my brother in the attic sometimes and he's in Colorado, has called the sherriff at least 3 times since I've been here...once because she wanted me to leave. We used to get along great but this disease has really turned her mean. She is on Namenda ...started at 7 mg and then stopped it about a month ago because she didn't think she needed it..until I finally told her if she didn't take it that I would be in charge so she's back on it (14 mg ) but is still bad at night time. I already know I can go to her bank and give them POA paperwork but she will no longer be able to access her acct...she doesn't drive or do computers but I have a feeling if I do it she will be very upset and probably think I'm stealing from her so I don't know what to do. I really didn't think I would want or need her money for care giving but it has turned out way more difficult and stressful and depressing than I ever thought it would be... I have boxes unopened downstairs and basically everything I need or use is in my one room including my 3 cats because she has cats also and they don't get along plus all 3 of my cats have gotten sick since I've been here and I'm sure it's from the stress of moving and not much room for them to move around in my room either. I can't even keep anything in her house outside of my room because she will lose it or misplace it or throw it away and even though I don't have to pay rent ( her home is paid for) I just can't catch up. Any suggestions?

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Thank you both so much for the reply...I thought I should but since I have no one else to guide me and of course I have never been in this situation before I didn't want to overstep.
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I agree with Ahmijoy that you should arrange to have access to her accounts through her bank with your POA documentation. You must have access to her financials. Your question was when is it time to take over finances? The answer would be now.

And like Ahminjoy also said, your mom isn't rational. She doesn't think or behave rationally. That's why you're there. She is unable to make decisions. You have to make the decisions for her. She looks and sounds like your mom but the dementia affects her thinking, emotions, perception, reality, and judgement.

As far as the cats go, they can jump right over a baby gate.
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Mom has had dementia for over a year, and according to what you’ve written, things are only getting worse. And, unfortunately they will only continue to. Get those POA papers to the bank and don’t stress over her reaction. If you don’t, you are pretty limited in what you can do if she has been formally diagnosed and is not competent to sign any legal forms.

Understand that people with dementia have “broken brains”. Their thoughts are not rational. They have hallucinations and delusions of things that aren’t happening. Those of us who live with and take care of them shouldn’t even try to make sense of what they say, or try to convince them that what they see or think they see isn’t happening. Often times, our parents become mean and irrational. Again, this is the disease.

Taking care of them involves looking at the big picture and trying to understand, with their doctor’s help, how to keep them safe. You, personally need to take control and stop worrying about her reactions or opinions, letting them affect how you care for her. You can’t let “what if I do that and then she gets upset and does this...”. Trust me, in the long run, you will have it much easier if you take over no matter how she rants and rails.

As for the cats, if you moved in and just let the cats go in the house, this why there is World War 3. If your cats are in their own room, put a litter box, food and water in there. Get a baby gate and put it across the door. Her cats will investigate but can’t get in. There will be hissing and growling, but that’s the only way they’ll get used to each other’s presence

in the end, if nothing else works, you may need to explore other living arrangements for her or for yourself.
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