"We just [got] confirmation of Alzheimer’s diagnosis for my father in law. He’ll need 24 hour care and I want to be able to give that to him at my house. I just don’t know how to do that or who to call."
When interacting with a LO with dementia/ALZ the rules of engagement change:
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
(I didn't create this list but find it very helpful and still need to refer back to it).
For my 99-yr old aunt we found a neighbor who is qualified to give her a shower 2x a week. Sometimes a person with dementia/ALZ behaves better for a 'stranger' ("showboating"). Your dad may not feel comfortable having his child bathe him, but you can try using "therapeutic fibs" to incentivize him, "We're having a visitor today and we need to look our best" etc. something you think might motivate him.
I'm hoping you are looking for a ALZ support group in your area, something more personal than this global forum. There is much to know about what dementia does to our LOs, how it changes them, why they now say and do weird/disturbing things and how to react (or not) to them, what to expect as they move through phases of the disease. I've learned a lot from Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's an expert who promotes Positive Caregiving and creates awareness. Bless you for wanting to provide hands-on care in your home but you must go into it with your eyes wide open. Burnout is a real and dangerous outcome if you don't stay flexible when seeking solutions. Hopefully your LO has all his legal ducks in a row, like assigning you as DPoA, Living Will, etc. and that whoever is managing his financial affairs has a comprehensive idea of his resources so that planning can be made easier.
When it comes to baths/showers for someone who is older, it is like going to the gym for a work out. It can be very exhausting. Especially if one has memory issues, and/or mobility issues, etc. There are times I wish I could just set up the outside sprinkler and run through it a few times :P
Another thing, some seniors become claustrophobic when in a shower. If there are glass doors. I know for myself, I need to keep the far door open a couple of feet. Sitting in the tub works but it is a major chore getting in to sit down, and more so trying to get up.
Then there is the fear of falling. If your love one is using a moisturizing liquid soap and/or hair conditioners, it will make the floor of the tub/shower feel like an ice rink, even with a tub mat inside.
A parent doesn't need to shower daily, twice a week or once a week is good enough, unless they are doing hard labor. If a parent is a Depends wearer, baby wipes work quite well between showers. Recently I found a product called “Water Wipes” in the baby section, quite pleased with the wipes.
"We just [got] confirmation of Alzheimer’s diagnosis for my father in law. He’ll need 24 hour care and I want to be able to give that to him at my house. I just don’t know how to do that or who to call."
When interacting with a LO with dementia/ALZ the rules of engagement change:
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
(I didn't create this list but find it very helpful and still need to refer back to it).
For my 99-yr old aunt we found a neighbor who is qualified to give her a shower 2x a week. Sometimes a person with dementia/ALZ behaves better for a 'stranger' ("showboating"). Your dad may not feel comfortable having his child bathe him, but you can try using "therapeutic fibs" to incentivize him, "We're having a visitor today and we need to look our best" etc. something you think might motivate him.
I'm hoping you are looking for a ALZ support group in your area, something more personal than this global forum. There is much to know about what dementia does to our LOs, how it changes them, why they now say and do weird/disturbing things and how to react (or not) to them, what to expect as they move through phases of the disease. I've learned a lot from Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's an expert who promotes Positive Caregiving and creates awareness. Bless you for wanting to provide hands-on care in your home but you must go into it with your eyes wide open. Burnout is a real and dangerous outcome if you don't stay flexible when seeking solutions. Hopefully your LO has all his legal ducks in a row, like assigning you as DPoA, Living Will, etc. and that whoever is managing his financial affairs has a comprehensive idea of his resources so that planning can be made easier.
Let that sink in.
You can keep fighting it, keep fighting him or accept it & hire a personal care aide 2 x week instead.
Another thing, some seniors become claustrophobic when in a shower. If there are glass doors. I know for myself, I need to keep the far door open a couple of feet. Sitting in the tub works but it is a major chore getting in to sit down, and more so trying to get up.
Then there is the fear of falling. If your love one is using a moisturizing liquid soap and/or hair conditioners, it will make the floor of the tub/shower feel like an ice rink, even with a tub mat inside.
A parent doesn't need to shower daily, twice a week or once a week is good enough, unless they are doing hard labor. If a parent is a Depends wearer, baby wipes work quite well between showers. Recently I found a product called “Water Wipes” in the baby section, quite pleased with the wipes.