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While leaving him at daycare this morning, I was getting the walker out of the car, turned to see him with his pants around his knees preparing to relieve himself. Grabbed him and yelled "NO!" and pulled up pants. We were in the parking lot adjacent to a children's park. I was afraid of someone calling police for indecent exposure. Spoke to his caregiver later and he said it had happened on his watch also. He is a high functioning ALZ patient but has lost this inhibition. What should I be doing to control this behavior?

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Some really good suggestions have come in on this, I thank all who have responded. To all those who have suggested a "Last Minute Pee" before we leave the house, yes, we have been doing this. He can pee at home and 10 minutes later be ready to go again, and he's not drinking excessive liquids.
I think one of the best/funniest responses I had was from a friend who suggested I walk away and pretend I don't know him. No, before you jump on me, it's not under consideration. I'l learn how to anticipate before the next event. Let's face it, It never happens, till it happens. And that is how we learn.
Thank you
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Isthisrealyreal Nov 25, 2019
I think that your friend is right, walk away or turn around like you don't see. You can only do so much.

Maybe carry a towel in the car that you can use to shield him from someone seeing more then they want.

I know it feels huge for you, but it is not a big deal in the grand scheme of this nasty disease. My grandmother thought that the brown recliner was a tree and the green shag carpet was the grass and it was the perfect hidey spot to go pee. She would shoosh me and say don't tell anyone I am peeing behind the tree. It is so sad, but funny when you think about how their minds are finding solutions to real needs.

One thing that I would caution, for your safety. Physically strong and able does not make him high functioning. My grandmother was strong as an ox, but her mind was gone. She beat up 6 nurses because she thought they stole her false teeth. Just a heads up about physical abilities vs mental capacity. It was hard to translate that grandma was sick because she looked fine.
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I don't think you have to worry about anyone going to jail over him taking a pee in public.

Maybe some irate person throwing a fit, but I think that our 1st responders are pretty compassionate towards mentally compromised seniors. It would be different if he was behaving perverted towards anyone.

Some cultures think nothing of pizzing in public or non gender communal toilets.

I would have him toilet before you head out, that would probably help with the urgency that would produce this behavior.

I am so jealous that guys can just whip it out and go, just a small corner and all done. I have a bladder problem and there are times that I wouldn't care if someone saw my backside, sure beats wet britches. I have seen more public restrooms than anyone should be subjected to in their life time.
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Thank you to those who answered. A skirt?? A tad too much to deal with. Maybe I'm fooling myself that he is high functioning........Has been to urologist who says age related appropriate urgency. I think social mores are breaking down. I carry urinals in car and thought I was always ready for emergencies. This caught me off guard.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 22, 2019
Carrying the urinal is a great idea. Like you said, you were caught off guard and it’s an inconvenience and possibly dangerous if someone were to report him to the police for indecent exposure.

Hope that you are able to find a solution for this situation.
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He's no longer high functioning if he is peeing in public.

He may be at the point now where he should NOT be taken out in public.
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bluefinspirit Nov 25, 2019
That is sad! Would you say the same about someone with Tourette syndrome, severe autism, Down syndrome, epilepsy, or ???

Let's all try to remember that dementia (be it Alzheimer's, Lewy body, vascular, or mixed) is a PHYSICAL disease of the brain. As caregivers, we have accepted the responsibility of helping the person with dementia function to the best of their ability within society, not to just isolate them.

Sorry... I tend to be a bit emotional about this because I've had several family members suffer from AD.
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Make sure he uses the facilities before you leave the house and that he doesn’t drink a lot of fluids before you go.
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7again Nov 29, 2019
A few years ago I might have said this too. After using drugs prescribed after organ failure, I know that the drugs often can and do override preventive measures.
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instead of a "straight jacket" how about "straight pants"?

His high functioning has just LOWERED...

When everyone knows that part... His functioning just lowered... Now what do you do? You need to protect him and also the public... Most importantly, you need to protect him...

You need to talk to his social worker or the caregivers involved.. What is next for your partner? You need to protect him.
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LoopyLoo Nov 22, 2019
Agreed. If he’s doing this he is no longer high functioning.
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Dress him in a skirt. He can just squat down. Nothing to see. Probly rubber shoes too. :-)
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earlybird Nov 22, 2019
LOL!
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Probably, careful supervision at all times would remedy this. I don't know of anyway to convince him not to do it, since, that is out of his control, due to the dementia. So, even if he's at adult daycare, he would need constant, direct supervision, so, he wouldn't do this at the center, leaving or entering, etc. It's a good idea, as stated below to ensure he urinates before you leave the house and not to overload on fluids. I'd also consult with a urologist, to see if he's having urgency.

There are also adult garments that button in the back that prevent the person wearing it from disrobing. You can find them online. If you do this, you might have to transition to a certain toileting schedule and Depends, though. I'd certainly discuss it with his doctor. It could be a medication that is causing sudden urgency.
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My oldest brother who died did this too. When I asked him why he said he couldn’t hold his urine because of his diabetes. It’s upsetting. So sorry that you and your husband are having this struggle.
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My hubby has to take very strong diuretics to control his congestive heart failure. He would rather stand on the back porch and " let it fly" than walk down the hall to the bathroom. He has urgency problems and little control. I keep a bag with extra baby wipes, Depend pull ups and clean jogging shorts in the car for emergencies. I wish there were more uni-sex bathrooms in public places so I can go in and help him change.
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Franklin2011 Nov 24, 2019
I would just take my husband into the handicapped stall in the ladies room. He never questioned going in and no one ever said anything.
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