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When I need to take off my Mom's wet nightgown off, she'll say, "Don't hurt me" no matter what I do. My Mom refuses to wear disposable underwear and is unable to put the bedpan under herself. If I try to lift her to put her on the bedpan, she's very heavy, and I'm not sure if she's on it correctly.

I find all of the answers provided by other people are terrific, and I’d like to add my 2 cents. I find that my husband responds better when my hands are warm when I touch him. (Think of the time when your doctor touching you with cold hands.) This could calm your mom for you to accomplish what you need to do.
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It may be that she has pain, although if I ask her, she'll say something hurts and then changes her mind. I'm to try to give her Tylenol twice a day. And then, too, she'll sleep, and temporarily awake, take one pill, and then no more pills or vitamins, and go back to sleep. I'm to make her change sides to sleep on every two-three hours because she is so thin, and we don't want her skin to break down. I've had a nurse practitioner come out, a psychiatric nurse, and a social worker. I'm going to try to get her into a nursing home. I had gotten her in her wheelchair and bathed her from the sink or if the bed gets soiled. She'll wet the bed, and I have to take off her gown while she's lying down and anything wet under her and try to lift her legs. All this will cause her to say, "Leave me alone. Don't do that." She's lived with me for two and one-half years. She's lost weight and sleeps more. Yesterday she was up in her wheelchair for 1-1/2 hrs., so today she's tired.
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Rosses003 Jan 15, 2019
Dear LySmog,

It hurts to read about what you and her are going through, and in your case I really and honestly think the best option is what you are trying to do, get her into a nursing home, not so much to alleviate your load but more so for her comfort and so people that are able and trained to care for elderly in her condition do so. I think she may feel better, while still counting on you visiting her and reminding her that no matter where she is you are there always loving and caring about her.

With your explanation I now see clearly that any movement likely hurts her, poor thing! And it also hurts you physically and emotionally to see her in that condition and to try to move her and lift her when that exceeds your capabilities. I truly wish you luck finding a place for her soon, and that that place really comes as a help and the blessing you both need. A hug and don’t lose hope, even when is difficult!!
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Aside from potential dementia or any other mental issue, her “don’t hurt me” plead makes me wonder if she might be in pain? Have you asked her what hurts? When she answers try to figure out what is going on.

Good luck!
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Bed pans. Has she been evaluated for hospice? Get doc to prescribe home care for bathing, etc, they can help you to know how to help her.
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