How did your fully capacitated family member react when you told them it was time to bring in hospice?

My mother had a full meltdown when I brought up hospice, accusing me of thinking she was dying, and how stupid that was, with her being 94 and having advanced dementia, chf, pulmonary hypertension, neuropathy, afib, and about 10 other issues too numerous to mention. Even after I explained everything to her, she still had a fit about hospice, so I said fine, suffer all you'd like mom because the doctor won't give you painkillers, hospice will.

About 6 months later, hospice was brought in and mom's dementia was too advanced for her to realize what was going on. So she had no objection, especially to the meds she was given that finally helped relieve her pain and anxiety, thank God.

When the subject was broached with my father back in 2015, he reacted in a resigned manner because he had a terminal brain tumor. He wound up passing 19 days after hospice came on board.

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation

My husband brought up Hospice for himself so that I "would have someone to talk to" about his care. He knew he had terminal cancer but was not willing to tell any friends or family, so he suggested Hospice himself as someone to help ME with his care.

The doctor in the ER brought it up when I had my dad in there for a weekly paracentesis. She asked both of us WHY we were continuing to do this when he would be so much more comfortable being treated at home? Fortunately, my dad had accepted the inevitable and was on board. When we left that ER, I had a box of comfort medications in hand along with a hospice referral, and we never went back.

If you think he'd be upset about bringing up hospice, let him know that he's not required to die within a specific time frame. I have a relative who was on hospice for a year, then "graduated" off it, much to his dismay. He liked the personal treatment, not having to go to doctors' appointments, and especially not worrying about who would stay with his wife, who has Alzheimer's.

The great thing about hospice is that suddenly you've returned to the days when folks got a house call from the doctor. THEY come to you, and it's wonderful. Granted, you see the doctor about once when you first sign up, but honestly, nurses are better than doctors anyway in my opinion, and they come every few days to check in on you.

As for me, I felt an immense load off my shoulders once we had hospice on board. With my dad, he was at home, I was staying with him and my mom caring for both, and I suddenly had a support system backing me up, too. When it came time to put my mom on hospice care, she had no idea (dementia), but I had decided that we weren't going back to the hospital any longer. She'd had some bad experiences with delirium when she was taken out of her familiar surroundings at her memory care, and I just decided we were done. I was so glad I made that decision, because she continued to receive the great care she always had at her MC, but she also had an extra layer of care with the hospice nurse. That woman became a good friend during my mom's time on hospice, and I don't know if I could have made it through a second time without her support.

I never used the word hospice… it was the new care program I found… I told hospice not to use the word… no need to cause anxiety….

I really appreciate hearing everyone’s experience and answers. Thanks for being here for me.

Do you need to say it’s Hospice and explain the details? If Dad doesn’t already know about the 6 month life expectation, there is no need to tell him and at the same time say that it doesn’t really apply – at 99 he will probably think that’s gobbledegook. It can be just a different care program that will help you both.

The real difference with Hospice is comfort-only, rather than curative treatment. Is Dad getting curative treatment at the moment? If he isn’t, then the only change is likely to be the home care. If he is getting curative treatment, would he notice and query a change in medication to comfort-only? Sometimes least said, soonest mended.

If you don’t mention it’s hospice, things might be easier, it seems kinder to refer to them as a special medical team that is helping. Your dad probably has less than six months left. Follow the doctor’s suggestions and let things take their course without unnecessarily upsetting dad. And you can remove him from hospice care any time - but you won’t want to. It’s the help you and dad need now. So accept it.

This must be so hard for you and dad. Especially since dad has all his mental faculties but his body just cant keep up. I would be honest with dad about hospice. I see from the comments you made below that he is a little resistant but I think he will be ok with it once they get on board to help. It must be scary to try and wake up feeling like you can't breathe.

We told dad that it was his doctor’s idea, which it was, to begin hospice care, and it was his to accept or decline. He was of sound mind and we gave him time to consider the option. In a day or two, he decided to accept home hospice care. He was so very tired of all the hospital trips, the treatments that weren’t really helping, and feeling bad all the time. Hospice eased his concerns and brought him peace. I hope you’ll find the same

I alone made the decision to bring Hospice in. My Husband would not have understood, and since I was the one caring for him I felt that I did not need the input from other members of the family (namely his children, my wonderful s-kids)
Hospice was able to provide equipment, support mentally, emotionally and the education that I needed in order to safely care for him at home. One of the absolute best decisions I made!
With Hospice coming into the home you get support and supplies and equipment that you need. And you get at least 2 professionals that come 2 to 3 times a week that will keep an eye on things and may notice potential problems that you may over look.
If LO is in a facility Independent Living, Assisted Living, Memory Care or Skilled Nursing having Hospice come in is just more eyes on your LO to make sure things are OK. (Facility CNA's will not duplicate the work that the Hospice CNA's do but since the Hospice CNA is seeing your LO and showering your LO and not 10, 12 or more other residents I think the attention is more)
Not having to transport to the hospital is a biggie.
If treatment options are limited why put someone through the discomfort of being taken to the hospital to wait around for 3, 4 or many more hours just to be sent home. That stresses everyone for no reason.
(Hospice will/can order a transport to the hospital under certain conditions but it has to be approved. And generally not for the condition that is life limiting)

Suggestion...
Call Hospice. Get dad evaluated. Have Hospice come in and begin care. If you, your dad or other family members are not happy with the care discontinue Hospice. You have every right to change Care providers or even change Hospice companies if that is what you would like to do.