Tomorrow I'll be bringing Mom to the local nursing/rehab center for permanent care. Over the last few weeks, I've been pretty much consumed with taking care of all of the preparatory details, which has been arduous enough, but now that the day is arriving, I'm left with not a whole lot else to do, and the inevitable sadness is taking over.
I've started crying I don't know how many times, and today was especially bad – it was our CNA's last day, and she brought me a beautiful “thank you” card and a small tabletop fountain for a gift. And we BOTH cried when she left. When she came to work for us, she quickly became a dear friend as well as a very capable aide, and I will miss her twice-weekly visits.
Once we get Mom settled and come back home, I know it's going to be horrible for me. The house is going to feel so empty, and I won't know what to do with myself. I know I should rest and relax, and take care of myself for a change – I have a bad back and a very painful leg that need to heal – but I've always been one to throw myself into household projects as a way of dealing with stress and emotional turmoil, and I know that's not good for me at this point.
If anyone has any suggestions as to how I can deal with this, I'll be extremely grateful.