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Our Doctor has been pressuring me to move my husband to Memory Care although the Nursing and senior staff at our assisted living home agree with me that he is not at all at that point. Yet how DOES one determine when that painful decision must be made? After 53 years together it will be the toughest thing I have ever done.

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You're happily settled together in the Assisted Living home, yes?

I'm not quite sure how to put this gently.

When you say that the nursing and senior staff agree with you that the time is not come for your husband to move to memory care...

You know the expression: "he who pays the piper calls the tune"?

The ALF staff don't want to upset you. They will continue to agree with you until they have absolutely no alternative.

Why does your doctor think that your husband needs to move now? What reasons is s/he giving you?

I can think of one good reason to make the decision sooner rather than later; and that is that the sooner your husband moves, the better his chances of settling in well to his new environment. If you leave it until his impairment is so severe that there is no escaping it, by then he will find it very, very difficult to adjust.

Is the memory care unit nearby? Will you be able to visit your husband as often as you'd want to?
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We started considering Memory Care for my mom about a year before she was actually placed there. There was not a bed available at first, and Mom was placed on the waiting list. That is something to consider, too. Mom was on the waiting list for 6 months. When she became combative with another resident, efforts were stepped up and she was placed in the unit within a week.

I’m not sure if testing him would help with your decision, but you may want to consider it.
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If the people that deal with him on a daily basis do not see the need for memory care, I would wonder about the doctor. It may be time to find a different one that has experience dealing with the elderly. I to was told my dad needed MC, he would have died. He is in AL and is thriving, he is daily taking over more of his ADLs. If you do not see that your DH is in danger or a danger to others as things stand, let them stand. If the Dr. Is concerned about your health can you get some respite and take a vacation?

You have been with this man for 53 years, you know if it is time, you also know how very hard it will be, so can you both go, if needed, into a facility that has IL, AL and MC? Then you can spend time with him, sleep in the same room yet still have access to the activities and other areas of facility. Just a thought.

May God give you strength and courage to walk this journey.
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I'm a little confused. Is your husband currently in Assisted Living?

Why is the doctor encouraging Memory Care? Are you his primary caregiver? Are you stressed out, having anxiety, having sleep problems, etc.? Is your health suffering?

Not everyone with dementia needs memory care. Does your husband wander? Is his behavior disturbing to others?

Give us a little more background, please, so our responses can be relevant to your particular situation.
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