Has anyone had a spouse [wife] in memory care and later brought her back home?

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I understand, Ed. Use your sons for sounding boards at least. Whatever help I’ve found (and trust me, it’s not much. You need to be living in a cardboard box underneath an overpass with your dog on a rope leash before they’ll even consider your case. We get a whole $15 per month in food stamps) But the only way you find out is to surf the net. I would absolutely apply for Medicaid. You are entitled to Community Spouse benefits. I had to spend down for my mom to qualify her for Medicaid. She self-paid $30,000 of what she’d saved to spend down. That was my supposed inheritance. Not. Yeah. It hurts. Yeah. It’s not fair. Plus when she died, even though she had funeral pre-planning we still had to pay $7,000 to bury her. But no way could I take care of her. Too many reasons to go into.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Thanks Ahmijoy. Have two married sons, out of state. They call and send information via internet, but day to day in on me right now. I have even considered not to go for Medicaid at this point since I have to pay-down, out of pocket for the home will get me almost broke anyway. It is tough, but I trying to do the best I can. I am hoping there may be some grants out there that I don't know about to help off-set the cost for the home. Of course the attorney will have some suggestions.
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Reply to ed812day2
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Do you have any kids who could help you wade through all the financial stuff? You’re dealing with a lot now and trying to navigate through Medicare, Medicaid, your wife’s testing and mental concerns and decisions is exceedingly stressful. I was dealing with all this a few years ago when my mom crashed and then Hubby suffered a life-altering (and almost ending) heart infection at the same time. I still have reams and reams of paperwork I have to go through someday and shred. My kids were very helpful, especially my son. He deals with business every day and gave me the “permission” to have an attitude with people who gave ME attitude. Some days I was so tired, stressed and scared that being somewhat snarky with these people wasn’t difficult. A lot of attorneys offer their first consult at no charge and a good Elder Law Attorney may be able to advise you how to find loopholes to get Medicaid coverage. I’ve been considering it as well, not so much for NH care but to help pay for all the home care supplies we use for hubby.

Use any resources available to you, including anyone who offers help at the facility. You’re not in this alone, and those who are closest to your situation can offer the best help.
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Thanks Barb. Lot of information, but helpful.
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Reply to ed812day2
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www.familyassets.com/nursing-homes/resources/medicaid/virginia

Do you both have pre-need funerals paid for?

Look into a Miller Trust if you are over on income.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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I will be meeting with an elder attorney to try to arrange for an asset protection plan. It is the person in the middle that suffers the most financially, not rich, not poor. Still not able to get much help for funding the expense of caregiving. From a quick view, seems that one has to spend down to almost nothing to qualify for Medicaid.
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Reply to ed812day2
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Ed, we all know how difficult it is to leave her. We’ve been there. It’s depressing and unfair. I know it’s pathetic to see them like this, pleading to “go home”. 99% of them do it. But the worst thing you could do is bring her home. And do see an attorney. We are in the same situation. Too much income to qualify for Medicaid but not enough to pay our bills.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Ed, see an elder law attorney that specializes in Medicaid. There are rules to protect the well spouse. Do not bring her home. The same challenges that you experienced previously will recur. And you have a court order that requires a safe environment for her. You cannot do that at home or you may face charges.
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Update: I have already applied for Medicaid and the application was denied - countable resources exceed the maximum of $2,000 (full Medicaid coverage) and exceeds maximum of $7,390 (limited Medicaid coverage). Have too much resources in Commonwealth of Virginia. Have to spend down, not sure that I want to do that. Wife is being seen by neurology specialists. Home means returning to where I live or where we both lived up until a few months ago. It is difficult to leave her after a visit to the facility.
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Reply to ed812day2
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      Freqflyer, I have read on this forum about someone wanting to go home, meaning their childhood home, but had not yet experienced that with my parents until yesterday. My mother would often say that she wanted to go home from the nursing home, even though she is treated well, lives with my father there in a cozy room, and has lots of activities. She thinks she can still go home and take care of herself and him on her own. Yesterday, though, she told me she wanted to go home - home to Panama, where she has not lived since she was 20. I am almost weeping as I write this.
      ed, the safest place for your wife is where she is. Yes, she definitely needs to be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist and you should start the Medicaid process.
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