My mom with Alzheimers has lived with me for 2 1/2 years. She has really been declining these last 8 months. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

My mom with Alzheimers has lived with me for 2 1/2 years. She has really been declining these last 8 months. Any advice?

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She can't remember where the bathtroom is, getting confused with almost everything and has been overly anxious the last 2 weeks. She isn’t sleeping well and can’t sit still. Keeps thinking she is supposed to be somewhere. Has also had a couple of accidents not making it to the bathroom. Not sure if anyone has any idea or any advice on when to be placing her in a memory facility? I am a single mom of a 13 year old. It is starting to get tough and I know I will not be able to handle a lot worse. In my research it looks as though she may be in the stage before the last stage. Love my mom dearly, I get no help with siblings and inlaws have treated me so bad these last 2 years. Does anyone have any ideas on how long before she gets to the last stage? I am wanting to look at places for her but have not had time. I know it will be a fight cause she will not want to leave me. It’s gonna break my heart to make her go. God give me strength!!

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Your situation, although difficult and challenging, is very common to many of us. We understand. I went through this.

Please know that you do NOT have to wait until the last stages in order to place her in a memory care facility. There are steps to this, however.

What you need to do first is make an appointment with the facility of your choice, and have THEIR doctor evaluate your Mom. It only takes an hour and it will seem like a normal doctor's visit to her.

Based on this, they will tell you if she is able to enter the facility and at what level of care. To get her to go to the facility, you may have to tell her it is temporary care that she needs. Ahead of her arrival, place family photos in her room and take bedspread and things which she is familiar with...it will help her feel at home at one level. Then, a day at a time.

I would suggest that you choose a facility that is very near your home as, because of your long-term good relationship and love, you will want to visit her often (Make this easy on yourself.)

Once she is in the facility, then, you can complete the application for "Medicaid Pending status" with an Elder Lawyer. If she can get this, no money will need to be outlaid.

No, this is not an easy change for you, or for her. But, it IS needed, both for her to get the best care she needs and also for your life. You may go through many feelings and emotions - and that is normal.

Mom has been at the facility now for 9 months. Before that, she was also not getting to the bathroom on time, getting anxious and loosing things, etc. Interrupting us all the time as everything became an emergency for her. I could no longer work, and both my husband and I got sick. Family did not help at all.

I had to make a very difficult choice and so do you now. It's tough.

Now please her this:
I do regret not getting Mom to a facility earlier on, as the longer you wait with her illness of Alzheimer, the more difficult their adjustment will be to a new situation. The earlier they are able to create new habits, the better for them.

I trust this help a little. I am with you in heart. Do not delay this difficult choice - for both of you.
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Is your mom on medicaid? If not and she qualifies, now is the time to start the paperwork so that you will have options to place her as she needs more care.
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Hi Tammy
Have you had your mom tested for a UTI? Since her dementia has been worse recently it might be worth checking out.
I’m sorry you and mom are having such a rough time and that your family has not been more supportive. I don’t have personal experience with Alzheimer’s but I’m sure you’ll get some feedback on the stages from other posters.
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