How can I set a better example for my children after they witnessed my siblings destroy the family we grew up in?

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There are five siblings in the family. Out of those I am the middle one who never moved out of the state we (as well as our parents) were born and raised. Each of us made our own decisions, I chose to marry and raise my boys here with no regrets. After our dad passed away, mom decided to sell her home and moved ten miles down the road from me and my family. She was very independent and voluntarily gave up her drivers license at 80, and even chose the assisted living facility she eventually moved into in 2010. During this time my siblings visited her when they could and were helpful for the most part. She and dad had their will and POA drawn with their attorney 2 years prior to dads death, so legally everything was cut and dry, or so I thought...... I was designated as her Health POA. Then, due to personal reasons, the sibling who was assigned to her finances asked me to take those responsibilities as well. Not one sibling objected to this change. I had the experience from my job as an accountant before I married and started a family. In an effort to prevent the possibility of mistrust, I kept meticulous physical records of each and every bank, credit card and debit card transaction. I also offered to show everything to my siblings when there were in town to visit mom, no one ever accepted my offer. Fast forward to 7/2015 when a sibling offers to take mom on a weeks vacation to visit my oldest siblings. When she hadn't returned 7 days later,(l had gone to her ALH to help her unpack and hear about her trip) I asked the housekeeping staff if they had seen her and was referred to the Director. She handed me a faxed document that stated mom would not be coming back and that she (mom) had become a resident of TN, Including a TN originated POA. This out of state POA eliminated me and my youngest sibling from all legal documents and instated only those siblings who she had visited. They had cancelled her credit/debit cards, closed her bank accounts and took all of her money. They had taken her to an attorney and had mom sign everything over to them. Two weeks later they filed for conservatorship based on her incompetency in TN Court. That was when we received the first of few trickles of information, in the form of that legal notice. Our phone calls went to voice mails and never returned, emails came back as undeliverable and it was almost two weeks before we were able to find out where she was living. We had to practically beg a nephew in TN to help us and he eventually did by taking his cellphone to our mom so that we could speak to her...for 5 minutes. We hired a TN attorney that specializes in Elder/Family law, he has given us excellent advice and has been very kind. As the court date is rapidly approaching, we receive a list from moms appointed attorney with requests for 12 Discovery items including all moms financial, medical and tax documents; this isn't a problem because along with those I have over 400 emails between me and them as well as audio and video records of their past deceptions to both parents. I have complete confidence in the ability to beat them in court, however, in my heart the right thing to do is remove my objection to their conservatorship due to the embarrassment and humiliation it will cause our mom. It has been 338 days since I last saw her and 249 days since we last spoke (I cried when I heard her voice, it upset mom and I was threaten with a restraining order by those siblings) All of this has become my absolute worst nightmare! Stress-headaches and sleepless nights have become the new normal for me, but I mostly worry about the effect this has had on my children and their views of family discord. Above all, I was never told why they decided to do this. Mom was happy, healthy and was living in her home state with her friends, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. There are no reasonable explanations for their actions

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Wow! What an awful situation. I've been looking after my mother for 5 1/2 years - the first 1 1/2 years included my dad until he passed. While my dad was still alive my parents had each other as DPOA and me as executor of their wills - I was back up DPOA. When dad passed mom made me DPOA and happily handed over all resonpsibility both finanical and medical. I'm sure my middle brother wasn't happy about it as he believes he is smarter than everyone but basically he didn't want to adjust his life of travel and hobbies - and extended stays at his vacation home. In the beginning I kept meticulous records and notified both brothers regarding every little thing. It didn't take too long to realize I was going to a lot of extra effort when they weren't really interested. I still keep good records and tell them about major things - and any time they ask about anything I am an open book. This included my brother wanting to read my mothers will a few months ago after mom began hospice care. I complied even though it creeped me out to no end, even invited the other brother so no one felt excluded. I also chose to fully fill them in regarding moms financial situation at this meeting. Both brothers seem satisfied and I'm actually thinking that this meeting helped to endure there will be no surprises for anyone once mom passed and I settle her estate. But I have to admit I still have some apprehension- my middle brother can be a complete turd and it seems when it comes to wills and money - well, it does often seem to bring out the worst in people. TripleTag - yours is a cautionary tale and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. When it comes to using this situation as a lesson to your children I think you've got two options - let it go and try to mend fences with your sibling(s). Take the high road and all that. Or - go into battle. Talk with your children about greed and deception. Talk about standing up for what you believe to be right and just. I don't know which is better, honestly. If it were me, I'd go to war. I've never had any patience for lying, deceitful, under-handed bullys. But that's just me.
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You either hire a lawyer and engage in a protracted court battle or you let them have the conservatorship. I would opt for the latter. It would be a good example to set.
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