How can I help my disabled elderly relative with his messy toileting issues?

This is so common, and your compassion is admirable. Many people deal with this. I'm just throwing this out for ideas, as I don't know what more you can do but clean up the mess and accept it.

Any ideas out there?
Carol

my father used to do that , i finaly put a stop to it , make it worst when he has to poo too and it comes out while he s standing . nanana
we have a handicap toilet which is higher than reg toilet and a grab bar in front of dad , makes it easier for him to pull himself up offthe toilet when hes done , makes my job easier too .
if he was on the reg low toilet believe me i would never beable to get him up .
dad did refuse to sit but i had to force him to sit , told him pee poo everywhere no no no . so he accept it .
wish you luck ,,

Two of my sisters-in-law are nurses. When their dad was alive, they had to give him baths. They felt squeamish at first, because it was their dad, but they resigned themselves to just think of him as one of their patients and then it was easier for them. My husband has had to help me with his mother, because she is too heavy for me, sometimes. He just resigned himself to the fact that she needed help and he wasn't going to let her lay there. She's a "fall risk" and is 78 yrs. old. She has advanced Alzheimer's.
Sometimes, she doesn't know where the toilet is. Sometimes, she doesn't know how to use the toilet. We've just had to pull her pants down and get her on the toilet--but we don't pull them down until we are close to the toilet or else she would let loose.
How would you like poop sliding down the toilet and onto the floor and in her shoes and all over her clothes? Not fun to clean up, but that's one thing to expect. Sometimes, she doesn't make it to the toilet before she urinates. I've been doing laundry daily now since May 2009. Good luck!

I can understand your dilemma...my husband and I take care of his Dad and run into similar issues. His father's bodily functions are going. He pees on the floor - never gets it in the toilet. He is at a point where he cannot tell when he needs to go, so he pees and poops on the floor and the carpet. My husband has tried talking to him and, either he ignores it or brushes him off...tells my husband he's going nuts.

Our solution was to put a towel on the floor. It saves daily cleaning on our hands and knees...and it's much easier to wash the towels. Now, instead of cleaning the floor daily, we bleach it once a week. The towels seem to do the trick.

As far as the carpet...rather than constantly having to clean up the poop from the carpet in front of the sink, a plastic runner solved the problem!

And, by the way, the toilet he uses does have the elevated extension and the hand rails...while it helps him get up and down from the toilet, it doesn't help when he decides to go in his pants rather than get up from his recliner to go to the bathroom. So now he wears pads...we're still fighting to get him to wear depends. At least we now have a pad on his recliner seat so as not to ruin the furniture!

Hope some of these suggestions help! We know the frustration!

I guess I'm just comforted by hearing others dealing with the same issue. My dad has Alzheimer's, but during the day peeing is not usually a problem. It's when he wakes at night and seems not to "orient" real well. The overnight pee jug next to his bed used to work well, but then it became a bucket, and now it seems to not work more often than work. *sigh*

Do they still make urinals? I wonder how hard/expensive it would be add one?

My father-in-law is 91 and is developing dimentia.
He mess the toilet too. We bought him a urine bottle at a pharmacy (like the one they're using in hospital).
It helps at the first time, but someone has to remind him to use it otherwise he forgets all the time. We got frustated because he keeps forgetting (because of his dimentia).
Last night, my husband had a great idea. We put the bottle on the top of the toilet (close the lid) so he will see the bottle.
It helps. But we need to put the bottle back, because he will put it on the floor after using it (much easier than cleaning the mess).
Hopefully this will works, at least for now. We understand this is just a beginning...
This mess only starts about 2 months ago & it stress me out! We always do the cleaning together (me and my husband), at least the burden carried together is much much lighter!!

Hope this will help.

elly

My husband has MS, is only 59 and I have been grasping with this for over 3 years now. The shame they feel is overwhelming!! Be patient. I bought a bidet so he can wash himself after a bowel movement. But the mess he makes can be horrifying and drive one to tears. I liked the suggestion of a portapotty, which I have and will try putting over the regular toilet for him. I think this would work pretty well.

How about ask him to use condom.....
I want share my experience for male incontinent problems, I was taking care of patient who he had MS. He could not control his Balder at all.... So I researched all medical catalog then found condom catheter( sometimes call Texas condom) condom should change every day..... . Least he could void in bag( call leg bag or Catheter bag) Bag are changed everyweek for new one, between clean with vinegar
Ask his Dr to write prescription for it....Medicare cover all those supplies, my Pt had secure horizon.Good Luck...

Oh my God. Reading these amazing stories made me laugh out loud. I've been taking care of my mom for 9 years and she is incontinent and has chronic diarhea. I'm laughing, maybe because it is so hard and can be so awful. If I wore a hat I would take it off for you. I spend so much time trying to keep things clean and sanitary. I can just see you taping those pads to the wall. LOL

Sometimes I just wheel my mom outside and hose her off. I had hot water installed outside for that purpose! You are not alone!

One other thing. I only have one bathroom in the house. So I got a bedside commode for her to use so the other one can stay clean and normal for me and other family members.

I actually have 3 bedside commodes that I rotate.

I have it here also. tried everything. Hubby will wear depends, really don;t know the difference. He often poops and pees in bed. I put two depends on him at night and pads on the bed on and under the sheet on top of the mattress pad. I wash jams everyday and bath him also which is a story in its self but I have no other help and he cant do it himself. we just have to hang in and hope and pray if we get like this someone will help us.

When my Mom was in rehab, they had one of those portable toilet seat chairs that they put next to the beds. If a patient was able to get up, but could not make it to the bathroom, they could just use the portable one in their room. Emptying the porta-pot seems so much easier than cleaning up an entire bathroom. Of course, if the demetia is in an advanced state, they may not be able to figure out the portable one either.
The only thing about caregiving that really sends me over the edge is the bodily functions issues. You would think that companies would have come up with better solutions to help caregivers by now....I guess there is just no profit in it.

I really feel sorry for all of you with such advanced bathroom problems with your elderly loved ones. I just have a minor problem but would like to know how some of you would handle it. My mother is able to get to the bathroom by herself and she also uses a portable potty next to her bed at night. She does not have "accidents" (yet) but she does not get herself clean after a bowel movement. I don't know whether to just insist on helping her wipe right after the fact or wait until I know she isn't clean by seeing the "evidence" on the back of her nightgown or bedsheet. I just can't stand thinking she isn't clean.

I'm new to this site and it seems that I have had my question answered regarding my dad's bathroom/toilet issues. But I will share it anyway. Earlier this year we have discovered that my dad (whose in his 80's and has Altzhiemer's)had begun going to the bathroom all over the place. Not only was he going on the floor in the bathroom but he was also going in the hallway, hallway closet, kitchen trash can and anyone of us who would forget to lock our bedroom doors would walk right into a puddle in our bedrooms. So I bought one of those portapotties and put it in his bedroom, where whenever he would have to go he could. Unfortunately, it didn't happen that way. He used to use it but now he is going all over his bedroom floor and he wipes himself with his clothes, bed sheets, pillow cases....and he has toilet tissues. What he did with those is either tear them up and drop them on the floor or he would just dump the whole role in his portapotty. Meanwhile his floor will be covered in urine and feces. Cannot go in his room without putting on some waterproof boots....bedroom slippers are not an option anymore. So, I'll just continue doing what I've been doing........accept the nasty son-of-a-you-know-what
(love u daddy!!) and make sure that I never run out of bleach, pine sol, air freshener spray, etc. My hallway closet now looks like a janitor's cleaning closet.

My dad is diabetic and has suffered from a minor stroke a few years ago. He currently is using a walker. Whenever normally sits when using the toilet. However every time he pees it gets onto the floor and we constantly have to change and wash the bathroom rugs every day. We have told him to use a toilet paper to help him aim into the toilet bowl. Does anyone have any ideas on how to help with this situation?

Our mom has made some awful messing going to the toilet too. For one thing, she can't get up and walk fast enough to make it all the way to the bathroom anymore. We eventually got her a bed side toilet. She didn't want it at first but some saw that it was better to use that than to mess up her clothes and the floor every time she needed to go!
As she has worsened, we discovered another helpful way of dealing with the mess. We put a large bath mat under the bedside toilet so it catches to misses and drips and overflow, etc. Then every day (sometimes twice) we take the mat away and put out a new one and wash the dirty one in the washer with plenty of hot soapy water. It doesn't alleviate all of the mess but it sure does make the cleanup a little easier.

How about just have him sit down on the toilet to urinate. There is no law written that a guy has to stand to pee.

Trying to get him to sit to pee would be best. Try having his doctor explain that it would put less stress on the bladder for man his age...kind of true too

The bedside toilet with the bathmat underneath is brilliant! Convincing a man to sit down can be hard but once he does it can make a big difference. Both good ideas.

Older bladders and pelvic floor muscles can be weak and there's often not a lot of time between the urge to go and the flow. It's also part of brain training so the whole process is complicated.

The unique coping ideas that come from this community are inspiring. Thanks for starting the New Year off so well!
Carol

I made something which totally works for my 94 year old father so far as peeing and no longer having to walk to the bathroom with his walker, which is too far even at 15 feet. I'll keep you posted as I try to find a simple way for others to have one.

I am having the same issues. I keep reminding him to SIT on the toilet. We did get a higher toilet and attached bars to the side.

Also having trouble with some days constipation, some days diarrhea! Can't go anywhere because I am afraid he will let it loose somewhere! Niece and sister are horrified and asking hospice if he is alright! He is almost 93 and weakened from pneumonia!

Any advice on how to regulate the senna plus for even stooping is appreciated! You just got to laugh it off! We use a lot of paper towels, windex with ammonia and plastic gloves! Our house is clean after we clean it up!

In the hospital they ask them to sit to pee as they can usually manage to push the penis below the rim - have to agree a higher toilet seat makes things easier. We call what you call a condom a uridom over here but you do have to watch that they dont get sore and they aren't THAT easy to put on someone else apparently.

I only ever use senna as an absolute last resort - bisocodyl is what I try if the daily dosage doesnt work - you might know it as dulcolax it softens the stool but is not as harsh as senna. We seems to have a range of stuff that works in varying degrees!
Stage 1 lactulose
Stage 2 Movicol/laxido
Stage 3 Bisocdyl
Stage 4 Senna
Stage 5 HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP she is impacted
Stage 6 manual disimpaction
Stage 7 - we have never got to but it would be an anema - god forbid

Nothing wrong with sitting down to pee... but it's an old sigma that only girls sits down to pee so heaven forbid of a man degrade himself to do the same.

At an office meeting during a break I overheard two young fellows who were in their late 30's, early 40's, who play basketball discuss their health issues... because of their years of playing basketball, either in college, semi-pros, or as a weekend sport, with back pain and because of their height, one mentioned he sits down to pee and the other one said he does, too... then they talked of other friends they knew in sports who did the same thing. That was refreshing to hear, that the next generation didn't feel degraded by having to sit down :)

Smudge; Help my father hardly ever makes it to the toilet he waits till he has already went on hisself. He says he didn't know! One week its diarrhea and i mean everywhere, then the next week he doesn't go at all. Diapers don't work at all, please anyone have info on how to keep him regular?

Smudge, what part of the diapers don't work at all? What do you mean? Does the mess extend out of the absorbable area? Perhaps it is an issue of size and fit. There are so many different brands and they all fit differently, plus there are different absorbancies.

Jude gave a good list of help with stool. Try a stool softener first. Slowly increase the amount of fiber in his diet. Read up on what foods are fiber filled. Be sure if you use a fiber supplement (Benefiber) that he drinks lots and lots of water or other non caffeine drinks or else he may become bloated and in pain. Miralax is good. We use 1/2 dosage daily for a while and then lay off for a few days. We also find that a hot beverage with breakfast will usually get things moving. Stewed or dried prunes, prune juice, apples and other fruit (not bananas, they are constipating) will all help. Bananas in moderation as they have other good qualities such as potassium. That reminds me, I believe Magnesium Citrate can be a good laxative. Of course, any exercise is good.

Be sure you have washable or disposable pads underneath him to protect the furniture and bedding.

The best thing is to take him to the toilet at regular intervals. Say every two hours. He has lost the ability to feel the urine and the diaper absorbs it so well that he may not feel wet. Just like baby diapers, they pull the wetness away from the body. Good luck. This is a problem most of us face at some time or another.

Thanks for your help. I have tried all different diapers they leak and I have even put two on him! Been giving him miralax and over night laxative. Today got some prune juice and probiotics. I just have had the most taxing time. One week diarrhea next week consitpation and then he hardly pees in the day and at night its on golden pond. Dont know how long i can keep up with this! I havent been out of this house and away from him for months. Its so hard when there is no progress.

how to get my husband to sit while peeing ? I've tried but he is totally resistant.

tell him it is only ok to stand if he uses a urinal container like they use in hospitals. I ordered a box for my husband, 89. And when he found that going sitting down didn't always work cleanly, and standing even with his walker is difficult, the container made a neat solution.

How do you get your elderly person (male) to sit down and pee if he has dementia and only remembers standing up?