How can I help my disabled elderly relative with his messy toileting issues?

My husband has progressive aphasia and is in dementia conditions now. I can't get him to wear depends or sit down when he urinates. He misses the toilet when
he pees, but the worse thing is when his bowel movements are the least bit loose...poop drops out down his pants leg and gets all over everything,,,he trys to wipe it off with socks, towels whatever he can find if I'm not there at the moment.
With all the rich holiday food and me distracted by family visiting, we've had a nightmare the last few days...I don't know what to do.

My dad did that. The hospice nurse and I convinced him to make both pee and poo while sitting down. And, after numerous cleanings and angry outbursts, he got it! Also, I still have piles of brown towels and wash cloths we used for him.

I have this problem, too, and I am getting tired of taking the piece of carpeting out every few days and hosing down. He had the piece around the toilet cut out, but we still have this problem.
So I have considered asking him to pee into the shower. Don't know if this will solve the problem, or even if I can get him to consent, but I thought I throw this out as one way to deal with the problem. If you try this, you will have to tailor the idea to your own situation, but maybe your parent can walk into a shower, with come kind of flip-flops, pee and then if you have a shower head with a hose, you can wash around the private parts and use a towel to dry off, if he or she has messed him/herself.
Just a thought...

Sitting to pee is the better way for all those elderly gentlemen who are mentally intact enough to understand the advantages. And it sure is a good thing for them to learn when they are already on the way downhill. I guess it would be very hard to teach an old dog new tricks.

I have a question. Have any of you tried one of those urinal anti-bacterial mats? They are disposable. We have hard wood floors in the bathroom my husband uses. Missing the toilet has just about ruined them for anyone else using that bathroom. Because he has no sense of smell, he doesn't believe me when I tell him how bad the urine smell is. :( I guess I may have to pull the hardwood out and put tile down. Any ideas?

My son is mentally and physically handicapped. He also is blind in one eye with poor vision in the other. He literally pees on the floor and only hits the toilet rarely. I have tried pet wee wee pads, toilet rugs, having him sit(he is too big to sit and pee) and towels around the base. That works the best, but then I have to constantly wash urine soaked towels. I was hoping someone had a better idea.

My father-in-law is 86 years old with Parkinson disease. he has to get up 4 to 5 times in the night to pee but he can barely get up and stand. he doesn't wane use a diaper at night. - so he doesn't get enough sleep at night.
so I bought him Urinal Toilet Aid Loo W/ Brief/Bag. bud his penny is very small and we don't know where to strap the Bag too. Somebody out there with this kind of Problem to help and to explain the best results. thanks.

My husband's testicles swell up so bad that he can't find his penus to pee, besides he can not walk, so the pee ends up on carpet any suggestions

I have used the condom catheter lots as an RN. And I think it may be time to give Dad choices....that are all OK with you and his son! "Dad, it is time to consider sitting down to pee.....OR you will have to wear this thing that permits you to pee into a bag that we empty.... because it's not healthy for you or us, to have the bathroom get all messy all the time. " Period. Have the doctor tell him too....that this is what he must do, along with wearing the 'new underwear'.....don't call them 'diapers'....just 'new underwear for men'. And if you can get into tracking his poop times....perhaps, as in potty training a child, you can get to where you sort of know when he will have to do that job, and get him on the toilet ahead of time? And one other point...nursing homes and memory care units do better with having elderly stay continent, if they toilet at regular times a day, as soon as out of bed, before and after each meal, and before going to bed....and every two hours in between. Tell them to squeeze out what they can each time. And give them extra to drink too, cause elderly are generally chronically dehydrated. Many do not want to drink because they understand they will have to go pee more and they don't want to take a chance on accidents, or it's too hard to sit down and get up....but it does come down to 'use it or lose it' in terms of ability. The exercise is really good for them and keeps them mobile and flexible longer, and the urinary system working without infections longer and better.....

How do you get your elderly person (male) to sit down and pee if he has dementia and only remembers standing up?

tell him it is only ok to stand if he uses a urinal container like they use in hospitals. I ordered a box for my husband, 89. And when he found that going sitting down didn't always work cleanly, and standing even with his walker is difficult, the container made a neat solution.

how to get my husband to sit while peeing ? I've tried but he is totally resistant.

Thanks for your help. I have tried all different diapers they leak and I have even put two on him! Been giving him miralax and over night laxative. Today got some prune juice and probiotics. I just have had the most taxing time. One week diarrhea next week consitpation and then he hardly pees in the day and at night its on golden pond. Dont know how long i can keep up with this! I havent been out of this house and away from him for months. Its so hard when there is no progress.

Smudge, what part of the diapers don't work at all? What do you mean? Does the mess extend out of the absorbable area? Perhaps it is an issue of size and fit. There are so many different brands and they all fit differently, plus there are different absorbancies.

Jude gave a good list of help with stool. Try a stool softener first. Slowly increase the amount of fiber in his diet. Read up on what foods are fiber filled. Be sure if you use a fiber supplement (Benefiber) that he drinks lots and lots of water or other non caffeine drinks or else he may become bloated and in pain. Miralax is good. We use 1/2 dosage daily for a while and then lay off for a few days. We also find that a hot beverage with breakfast will usually get things moving. Stewed or dried prunes, prune juice, apples and other fruit (not bananas, they are constipating) will all help. Bananas in moderation as they have other good qualities such as potassium. That reminds me, I believe Magnesium Citrate can be a good laxative. Of course, any exercise is good.

Be sure you have washable or disposable pads underneath him to protect the furniture and bedding.

The best thing is to take him to the toilet at regular intervals. Say every two hours. He has lost the ability to feel the urine and the diaper absorbs it so well that he may not feel wet. Just like baby diapers, they pull the wetness away from the body. Good luck. This is a problem most of us face at some time or another.

Smudge; Help my father hardly ever makes it to the toilet he waits till he has already went on hisself. He says he didn't know! One week its diarrhea and i mean everywhere, then the next week he doesn't go at all. Diapers don't work at all, please anyone have info on how to keep him regular?

Nothing wrong with sitting down to pee... but it's an old sigma that only girls sits down to pee so heaven forbid of a man degrade himself to do the same.

At an office meeting during a break I overheard two young fellows who were in their late 30's, early 40's, who play basketball discuss their health issues... because of their years of playing basketball, either in college, semi-pros, or as a weekend sport, with back pain and because of their height, one mentioned he sits down to pee and the other one said he does, too... then they talked of other friends they knew in sports who did the same thing. That was refreshing to hear, that the next generation didn't feel degraded by having to sit down :)

In the hospital they ask them to sit to pee as they can usually manage to push the penis below the rim - have to agree a higher toilet seat makes things easier. We call what you call a condom a uridom over here but you do have to watch that they dont get sore and they aren't THAT easy to put on someone else apparently.

I only ever use senna as an absolute last resort - bisocodyl is what I try if the daily dosage doesnt work - you might know it as dulcolax it softens the stool but is not as harsh as senna. We seems to have a range of stuff that works in varying degrees!
Stage 1 lactulose
Stage 2 Movicol/laxido
Stage 3 Bisocdyl
Stage 4 Senna
Stage 5 HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP she is impacted
Stage 6 manual disimpaction
Stage 7 - we have never got to but it would be an anema - god forbid

I am having the same issues. I keep reminding him to SIT on the toilet. We did get a higher toilet and attached bars to the side.

Also having trouble with some days constipation, some days diarrhea! Can't go anywhere because I am afraid he will let it loose somewhere! Niece and sister are horrified and asking hospice if he is alright! He is almost 93 and weakened from pneumonia!

Any advice on how to regulate the senna plus for even stooping is appreciated! You just got to laugh it off! We use a lot of paper towels, windex with ammonia and plastic gloves! Our house is clean after we clean it up!

I made something which totally works for my 94 year old father so far as peeing and no longer having to walk to the bathroom with his walker, which is too far even at 15 feet. I'll keep you posted as I try to find a simple way for others to have one.

The bedside toilet with the bathmat underneath is brilliant! Convincing a man to sit down can be hard but once he does it can make a big difference. Both good ideas.

Older bladders and pelvic floor muscles can be weak and there's often not a lot of time between the urge to go and the flow. It's also part of brain training so the whole process is complicated.

The unique coping ideas that come from this community are inspiring. Thanks for starting the New Year off so well!
Carol

Trying to get him to sit to pee would be best. Try having his doctor explain that it would put less stress on the bladder for man his age...kind of true too

How about just have him sit down on the toilet to urinate. There is no law written that a guy has to stand to pee.

Our mom has made some awful messing going to the toilet too. For one thing, she can't get up and walk fast enough to make it all the way to the bathroom anymore. We eventually got her a bed side toilet. She didn't want it at first but some saw that it was better to use that than to mess up her clothes and the floor every time she needed to go!
As she has worsened, we discovered another helpful way of dealing with the mess. We put a large bath mat under the bedside toilet so it catches to misses and drips and overflow, etc. Then every day (sometimes twice) we take the mat away and put out a new one and wash the dirty one in the washer with plenty of hot soapy water. It doesn't alleviate all of the mess but it sure does make the cleanup a little easier.

My dad is diabetic and has suffered from a minor stroke a few years ago. He currently is using a walker. Whenever normally sits when using the toilet. However every time he pees it gets onto the floor and we constantly have to change and wash the bathroom rugs every day. We have told him to use a toilet paper to help him aim into the toilet bowl. Does anyone have any ideas on how to help with this situation?

I'm new to this site and it seems that I have had my question answered regarding my dad's bathroom/toilet issues. But I will share it anyway. Earlier this year we have discovered that my dad (whose in his 80's and has Altzhiemer's)had begun going to the bathroom all over the place. Not only was he going on the floor in the bathroom but he was also going in the hallway, hallway closet, kitchen trash can and anyone of us who would forget to lock our bedroom doors would walk right into a puddle in our bedrooms. So I bought one of those portapotties and put it in his bedroom, where whenever he would have to go he could. Unfortunately, it didn't happen that way. He used to use it but now he is going all over his bedroom floor and he wipes himself with his clothes, bed sheets, pillow cases....and he has toilet tissues. What he did with those is either tear them up and drop them on the floor or he would just dump the whole role in his portapotty. Meanwhile his floor will be covered in urine and feces. Cannot go in his room without putting on some waterproof boots....bedroom slippers are not an option anymore. So, I'll just continue doing what I've been doing........accept the nasty son-of-a-you-know-what
(love u daddy!!) and make sure that I never run out of bleach, pine sol, air freshener spray, etc. My hallway closet now looks like a janitor's cleaning closet.

I really feel sorry for all of you with such advanced bathroom problems with your elderly loved ones. I just have a minor problem but would like to know how some of you would handle it. My mother is able to get to the bathroom by herself and she also uses a portable potty next to her bed at night. She does not have "accidents" (yet) but she does not get herself clean after a bowel movement. I don't know whether to just insist on helping her wipe right after the fact or wait until I know she isn't clean by seeing the "evidence" on the back of her nightgown or bedsheet. I just can't stand thinking she isn't clean.

When my Mom was in rehab, they had one of those portable toilet seat chairs that they put next to the beds. If a patient was able to get up, but could not make it to the bathroom, they could just use the portable one in their room. Emptying the porta-pot seems so much easier than cleaning up an entire bathroom. Of course, if the demetia is in an advanced state, they may not be able to figure out the portable one either.
The only thing about caregiving that really sends me over the edge is the bodily functions issues. You would think that companies would have come up with better solutions to help caregivers by now....I guess there is just no profit in it.

I have it here also. tried everything. Hubby will wear depends, really don;t know the difference. He often poops and pees in bed. I put two depends on him at night and pads on the bed on and under the sheet on top of the mattress pad. I wash jams everyday and bath him also which is a story in its self but I have no other help and he cant do it himself. we just have to hang in and hope and pray if we get like this someone will help us.

One other thing. I only have one bathroom in the house. So I got a bedside commode for her to use so the other one can stay clean and normal for me and other family members.

I actually have 3 bedside commodes that I rotate.

Oh my God. Reading these amazing stories made me laugh out loud. I've been taking care of my mom for 9 years and she is incontinent and has chronic diarhea. I'm laughing, maybe because it is so hard and can be so awful. If I wore a hat I would take it off for you. I spend so much time trying to keep things clean and sanitary. I can just see you taping those pads to the wall. LOL

Sometimes I just wheel my mom outside and hose her off. I had hot water installed outside for that purpose! You are not alone!