My very stubborn hubby won't take off urine soaked clothing. Any advice?

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My husband wets his pants and refuses to change clothes. He says things like "they're almost dry now" even though the pants are soaked. He sits on the bed and on upholstered furniture in the wet pants. If I try to get him to put on dry clothes he gets very load and angry.

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Top Answer
Poor dear. I assume he has dementia -- right?

First I'd put a mattress protector pad on the the upholstered furniture he is likely to sit on. (And several on the bed, too, even on top of the spread once the bed is made.)

Try not to argue with him. "Yes, I can see that they are drying. But they still smell bad. You deserve to look dignified and smell nice, and I don't mind washing clothes often. Let's get you cleaned up and smelling fresh!"

Does he not wear disposable undies? Do they leak? How often does he wet his pants? For now, solve the immediate problem with wet proof furniture pads and gentle coaxing. But ultimately the issue is that if he is incontinent he needs to use incontinence supplies. Why isn't that happening now?
Yes here too in UK and I know they sell them in US. Time to look into getting some and also you need to know that they do work as lonmg as you get the right size. Now dont laugh but I tried them because my mum didnt believe me - I emptied my entire bladder into them and they didnt leak. Its just a question of getting the right size and the right capacity - if in doubt you could always supplement them with an additional pad as they can be quite expensive and we do that most of the time. In the last year no leaks at all
They sell waterproof pants here (Germany) that are very much like the training pants we used to use on toddlers, which look like undies, but have padding in them. Maybe you can get some of those, and replace all his underwear with these waterproof ones?
I had that problem with my husband too, He wore an Attends but when it got wet he wouldn't change it, he would say the same thing. It is almost dry now. And he would be so stubborn. He sould even hang his clothes to dry in the bathroom so he could put the same thing back on the next day. I think what finally changed his mind is his 3 adult children who would tell him in a nice way and later in a not so nice way that he smelled bad. Even his 2 young grandchildren started saying PawPaw you smell like p. He has always taken such pride in hiis appearrance and was never so stubborn as thisl He changes morning and night now. Sometimes he needs to change more but if it is just me here he refuses but if one of the kids come in he will if they ask him too.
a friend had a problem with his dad bathing on a regular basis. Then he hired a home health care worker who was a no-nonsense woman. When she came she was able to get his dad to bathe change clothes and talk to him about keeping nice and dry and smelling good. I don't know why he did it for her but not my friend but ultimatelyit worked. And my friend said it was well worth the money.
That was a problem with my father . Mt brother asked me to please make sure he had clean sweatpants when he was to go over his house. So I am thinking, yeah, right. He was stubborn and could get nasty. So, I washed about 5 pair and always kept them on hand. Before that, he washed his clothes. But then I realized he wasn't doing it so much anymore. And when he was going out, I would say in a very cheery voice, "Dad! Here are some clean pants. Maybe you could wear them, the ones you have on are dirty." And he did. I could tell by the look on his face he couldn't understand why he had to change, but he did. I was surprised. My mom wasn't there, if she had asked him he would have done it no problem, but he didn't listen much to me. He started to though more and more, he got tired I think and someone else making the decisions was just easier for him.
I have that problem last year, I don't know why pointing out the problem seems to worsen my husband behavior like refusing to change clothes or cleaning up. I just went ahead and remind him it's time to take a shower so he'll be Making sure all the clean clothes are ready and bag dirty clothes for the laundry so he cant see it. At night I usually sneak in to change his clothes he had hung in a hanger and leave things the way he likes it. Helping him change clothes or his daily routine seems to help alleviate his anxiety. Focus the positive things he do for himself in the past and with reassurance that you are there to assist is a good feeling especially when they are forgetful.
Also if he takes water pill (diuretic) incontinence brief may be helpful.
Cleaning up wetness isn't an issue for Mom (96 with dementia) because she thinks of all fluids as water -- urine, snot, the liquid from a package of meat, you name it. All her life she was obsessively sanitary with her person and the house and now the whole concept escapes her awareness. Good luck with your air-dry loved one.
Oh just as an afterhtought it is quite common for people in later life to devlop anosmia - the lessening or absence of the ability to smell - that also impacts on their desire for food and the taste of it because smell and taste are interlinked - just for the record that is
Osmiii, what TekkaMae said. I'm trying to picture myself informing my mother that she is in "time out" and won't be allowed outside to play or to watch tv or any of a number of things that would entice a toddler, but is irrelevant to a 94 year old with dementia. A small child is learning and growing. My mother is forgetting and shrinking (and in spite of that she is STILL a control freak).

You are right about having to take charge and make adjustments, but that does not mean eliminating struggle with the recalcitrant one, whether a 3 year old or 94 year old, and in either case each day can bring new challenges that need to be handled differently. In either case, we learn as we go along and we seek advice from others in similar situations.

Not trying to chase you away from here, just a reminder to be more gentle with those who are already on the edge with our thankless caregiving tasks and the only relief in sight being our loved one's eventual demise.

P.S. About that "grow a pair" quote: a pair of what, breasts? Most of us in caregiving are women and we already have a pair of those, thank you very much!

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