How can I be compensated for caring for my mother at her home?

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My mother fell 12/24/15 and since then I have had to move into her home to take care of her. This last year she has needed more and more care. I do not get paid anything for my time. I had to move out of my home with my husband and into my moms home as she did not want to move in with us. This has been hard on both myself sand my husband. I am constantly torn from one home to the other. My mom depends only on me to take her to all her appointments, shopping etc. She will not ask anyone to help me out. She says I owe her. I was in a car accident in 1973 and my mom took care of me I was 17 years old. Anyways she thinks I owe her. She is declining every day these past few months. I work full time and am worried that I may have to quit my job to care for her. If so what can I do to get compensated some money for my time as her sole caregiver? Please can you give me information as who to contact? I have no siblings as my brother passed in 2007. His 3 sons live 9 hours away and have small children of their own. By caring for my mom I am saving her a lot of money every month. What angers me is I will get 1/2 of the inheritance and my 3 nephews will divide the other 1/2 between them. That is fine except by caring for my mom I am saving her a lot of money and I feel I should be able to collect something for everything that I have done and will be caring for her in the future, especially if I have to quit work to beable to keep her at home? Please help me, I need to know how to go about this. Thanks

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Lezli, there is the article regarding Personal Care Agreements and at the end of the article is a link to a sample of the Agreement itself. https://www.agingcare.com/articles/personal-care-agreements-compensate-family-caregivers-181562.htm

The vast majority of grown children who are caregivers for their parent do not get paid... unless the parent can pay out of their own retirement account.

Whatever you do, if at all possible do not quit your job. You will loose much more than just your salary.... you will lose benefits that your company might give you. I know for myself, if I had quit, I would have lost matching 401(k).... lost profit share... lost a really great health insurance... lost vacation pay and sick day pay.... lost educational benefits, etc. and that is all "salary". Plus going to work allows you to keep sane.

Thus, if your parent can pay you to be the caregiver, then the parent can pay someone else so that you can keep your employment.
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Thank you
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Hey Lezli ~

I looked on this site and found the form for a "Personal Care Agreement." One of the smart ladies on this site had put the form to download on here. See if you can find it. It's very straight forward and simple. The hard part might be to get her to sign it in front of a notary if she thinks you "owe" her.

I believe it helps if your mom ever ends up on Medicaid and they won't hold the salary you were paid against you.
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Yes, cdn reader is correct -- there are other options that you need to explore! It is generally considered to be very unwise to give up employment to take care of a parent.

Just how much is the inheritance? Sounds like your mother wants you to work for free, in order to preserve the inheritance. That's what my mother expects of me, so it is why I drew boundaries early on. (She gave me her car, so expected me to be at her beck and call for taxi service; I put limits on that.) I will not do any personal care for her, because the time I did do it when she was unable to, I was treated awfully and then she said I lied that I was with her for 8 days. I actually would do it -- for $20/hour -- which I expect the suggestion of such would send her into a crying/shaking fit. So she will be hiring help next time she becomes helpless because of a muscle strain. (And she will be paying more, because agency help doesn't just come for one hour at a time.)

I have three out-of-state golden boy brothers, and she has already said that their time is more valuable than mine. Nice, huh? 

Anyway, I suspect your mother would be the same way. She sees you and your time as worthless. What would you do if you moved back home? How is your husband about all of this?

Keep in touch, and let us know how it goes talking through your options with someone. We care!
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Dear Lezli55,

I'm so sorry I know there is a lot on your shoulders and it is extremely stressful trying to take care of a parent after a stroke. Moving out of your marital home to your mom's house and working full time and caring for her is a lot to take on. I don't know if you would consider talking to a social worker or family therapist about some options. Maybe your mom would be better off in a nursing home or assisted living facility. I don't know if there are any government programs that would pay you to care for your mom.

I kept my full time job while caring for my dad after is stroke. It was hard. I was getting so resentful and angry with my siblings for shouldering so much of the responsibility. I wish I had recognized I was getting burned out. My dad passed last year and in all honesty, I'm glad I kept my job. I needed the income and benefits. It was the only thing I had while going through my grief.

I really think talking to social worker is going to help you explore all your options.
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