I have been trying without luck to find in home care for my 92 year old mom who is entering the late stage of Alzheimer's disease. In the past I have been fortunate to be able to find caring women that have become like family through church and referrals. Sadly, now that she is declining it is more difficult to find help. I have been caring for my mom for over five years. I retired from from my job, I lost contact with friends, and I neglected my married children and grandchildren to care for her. I am exhausted, lonely, and depressed. She has always had social anxiety and I have tried memory care but she was terrified and it almost killed her. She has been in and out of hospice 3 times now, but still has fight in her and each time she rallies back. How do I choose an agency that will see her as a person and not just a job to fill? I need help and I can't afford to pay $30 an hour to get it.
Contact social services for her county to see if she qualifies for any in-home help. It won't cover all of her care but can hopefully take some of the burden off you while you research and wait for another, more permanent solution...which may be that she has another health crisis, requires LTC and then qualifies for Medicaid bed in a facility. May you gain clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart as you make your family the rightful priority.
"My mom has had two hospital stays, was twice "graduated" out of hospice, recovered from a broken hip and wrist, and now walks around like nothing happened, healthier than I am, demanding, abusive, nasty and always with the maybe I should just kill myself. "
Consider having your mother seen by a geriatric psychiatrist to treat her social anxiety and other mental health issues.
Please look at the big picture here; what kind of resources will you have for YOUR old age after she dies?