Mom's 95 in Assisted Living. It's so hard to take her out and I feel guilty. It's literally making me sick.

What do you have to feel guilty about? Is your mother safe? Well fed? Well cared for? Visited by you on a regular basis? Clothed? Enjoying activities in the Assisted Living home? THAT is what is important, nothing else. You should be feeling guilty if your mother was homeless or crying in pain that you were ignoring. But living in a place that costs several thousand dollars a month is not something anyone should be feeling guilty for. It's actually something to be grateful for. When I get to be in need of such a place, I won't have the funds my mother has to live in such a place where she's waited on hand & foot all day long.

Think of it that way, and let go of unnecessary guilty feelings. They serve no purpose and make no sense.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to lealonnie1

If its hard to take her out, don't. Als, for a small cost, will allow u to eat a meal with her. Moms had outside entertainment come in, so I sat with her.
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Reply to JoAnn29

As much as my Husband loved going for car rides I made the decision early on that safety was going to be a priority for me.
When it became difficult and almost dangerous to try to get him into the car I stopped the car rides unless it was an important appointment.

Make your visits with your mom the focus not the going out. Bring a special lunch if it is lunch you miss taking her out for.
Many Assisted Living communities have vans that make transportation so much easier. You can ask if you can go with them when they take a group to the local Walmart, restaurant or park. When my Husband was in Day Care at a Memory Care Facility I would check the monthly calendar and determine what restaurant he might want to go to and I would go with the group. He went willingly because I was going but I could also help the staff a bit if they needed it for the others. This way you might still get to go out with her but it will be easier as far as transportation.

By the way there is no reason to feel "guilty" you can feel sad because this may no longer be a part of the week that you can enjoy together but there are ways to adapt and still enjoy the day with her.
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Reply to Grandma1954

Welcome to the forum. Does your mom enjoy leaving the assisted living place or do you feel it’s an obligation to take her out? If she’s content, there’s no need to worry over it. If she enjoys going out and it’s too hard for you to accomplish on your own, then do it only when you have help. When my mom was in a nursing home we took her to her home a number of times, but if was definitely a group effort. We also used a medical van to transport her on some outings. Above all, know your mom is blessed to have you looking out for her, you’re doing the best you can, and that in itself is enough, no one can ask more. I wish you the best
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Daughterof1930

Is it a nice facility? Do you need to take your mother physically off the premises for her to have an enjoyable visit from you?
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Reply to Countrymouse

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