I’ve been reading this forum for several months now and it’s got me thinking; what about MY old age care? My DIL says she will be there for me and I know she will. Seeing all the issues that I am dealing with, with MY mother in law, both financially and emotionally I want to “prepare” my financials and get them in order. I do not want to put my DIL thru what I am experiencing right now. Is there such a thing as a future POA? I, of course don’t want to give ‘power’ away as I still have all my facilities (my hubby would argue that). I want to put my home in their names now so that the ‘gifting period’ would be long spent if/when I should need LTC using Medicare/Medicaid. I have downsized a lot so that my sons & wives don’t have to go thru my treasures which are not their treasures and have to make the decisions of ‘ keep or throw away’. My DIL is my best friend & she promises me that she’ll be there and I know she will. But the transition from friends to caregiver will test that friendship. The dynamics of the relationship between me and my MIL vs me and my DIL are polar opposites. My relationship w/MIL wasn’t great and here I am taking care of her every need and resentful of the overwhelming effect it’s taken on my life. My relationship w/my DIL is, well she’s my best friend. I guess I am just trying to make sure my DIL never feels as overwhelmed as I do. So, the financials would be the easy part, POA, will, transfer of assets. Is there anything else I can do, now, while I’m capable, to ease the burden {for lack of a better word}, I may become when/if I need the type of care my MIL (lives with me) is getting from me right now?

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You can get a POA right now even if you are healthy. Another thing you might want to do is to get the shingles vaccine. Another is get a prescription for balance training at a PT place. Go see an elder care lawyer. Make sure you keep copies of your major purchases, such as a new roof. Then when you go into the NH you can show them the receipts that count against NH payments. Don't sign your house away. Do what the lawyer says. My DH and and bought our cemetery plots and paid for your funerals and our headstones.
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Didn't read the prior posts but sure this was covered. POAs can be whatever you want. Immediate at time of signing or Springing when you have been found incompetent. You can say the incompetence has to be determined by one or two doctors for the POA to become in effect. You can say the POA gets paid. You can limit what they can do financially. There is a post now where the person thinks a family member is changing Trusts and beneficiaries. This is not something a POA should do but you can have that put in the POA. That is why a Lawyer should be involved and not a generic one printed off the internet. Your Medical should be like a living will. Listing what you want and what you don't want.

What you and your friend need to realize is being POA does not mean you need to physically care for someone. A POA can hire people, with your money, to do the caring. Hire someone to clean, to run errands, take you to appts all on ur dime. A POA can place you in an AL, MC or LTC. POA just gives the assigned the ability to handle your money to pay bills and handle your care. When it runs out, the POA does not use your own money. Medical, POA carries out your wishes. POAs are representatives.

The problem I see is the age of your friend. Where will she be in her life when you need her. In my family ALZ starts in the mid to late 70s. Other health problems can pop out out of nowhere.

As I suggested see a lawyer. Take friend with you so the lawyer can tell her what is involved in being a POA. What she can and can't do. Too many posts on this forum is where the person with POA steals from the Principle I think actually thinking that POA gives them that right. Make sure friend gets a copy. I find that the principle gets a copy, tells the person they have been assigned but when the time comes, can't find the papers.

I really think there needs to be stricter regulations on POAs.

1. A Lawyer or a paralegal needs to be involved in the process.
2. The person being assigned needs to be present and told what is involved in being a POA and sign off on the paperwork that they have excepted the assignment and understand their responsibilities.
3. Both Principle and assigned get copies and that the POA is filed in the County as public record.
4. That any abuse once reported has to be handled just like any other crime. This means if the POA uses his responsibility to steal, he/she can be prosecuted.

With the wide use of POAs now, we really need more regulations. Also, we have posts where the member says once she/he was made POA the family member/friend thought that meant the person was at their beck and call. We explained no never, even when found incompetent, are you at the principles beck and call. POAs are a tool and a very important one. If no one is assigned then there is no one to handle your wishes.
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You've done some great things and there is a lot of good advice in the posts thus far. Do you have an advance medical directive? It gives info on your health preferences in the event that you're incapacitated. Pre-paying funeral arrangements is a plus too. Some have even written good information for their obituaries ahead of time and have chosen the photo they'd like. A Trust is also a good thing...there's also something I think that is called a Pool Trust which might be in addition to any other Trust. Whatever you're going to do, you should probably get done now as you've mentioned that you have a husband and without doing anything, it would appear as though he'd be the one to make decisions on what happens in the event you either pass away or become mentally unstable. Lastly, have you checked with your DIL to see if she currently believes she'll still feel the same way should she and your son divorce or if something else happens and she remarries and then has a new MIL? Those things should be addressed as well. Hope things work out for you since you've decided to discuss things that many deem "morbid" but learn to appreciate after the death of their loved one who's been practical and has thought ahead.
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I did up my POA documents when I was 50. They go into effect when I am no longer competent.

Please do not put your house in their names at this time. We had a family situation where Aunt Rose sold her condo, gave the funds to the kids to buy a home, it was only in their names. Aunt Rose had a beautiful suite in their house. But the marriage ended, the house was a marital asset and was sold and Aunt Rose got nothing.

You love your DIL and even if her and your son's relationship is strong, what if one of them was killed? Or they had a huge medical expense and had to sell your house?

You really need to talk to an Eldercare Attorney and get proper legal advice.

I am in Canada and our system for funding nursing homes is very different. We do not have to be indigent to get care.

I do not provide hands on care to my parents and I will not. Mum had a knee replacement last week and I am doing some running around, getting her Rx's organized, prepped some meals, but Mum has arrange with other family members to stay with her.

I do not expect my kids to provide hands on care to me either. I have a plan for home support (currently $37.50 per day) should I need it, then AL or nursing home care.
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Others have addressed the POA and what is involved. I will discuss the "DIL" and caregiving. I have made it clear to all my children that I do not ever want to live in their care. I do not want to put that burden on them either for best or for worst. I want to live with as much independence as I am able in such care as Assisted Living, when I need to. I am an active 78 year old, do gardening and other activities and walk daily, and able to care for all my needs. That will not last. When I cannot I do not want my family involved other than for loving visits such as we already have. I have savings to insure that I can likely live with care, and that primarily is a matter of good luck. To live with our children, to my mind, puts an enormous burden on them at best, and can destroy them literally at worst. I don't want that, personal decision.
As to advanced directive, as a nurse I know there are many things I DO NOT WANT. Start with dialysis. Go on to artificially administered nutrition of any kind. And a no code, no intubation at this point. I have had long discussions with family and they are aware.
On now to home. I will not be letting go of assets I may need to support me. I would certainly never do so without a good lawyer advising. And I think this one of the greatest mistakes elders can make. This is gifting big time, and while you believe you have 5 years to take care of lookback, we are guaranteed no such thing. We cannot also know how long we may be forced to go on. Transferring assets to children means that soon passes to them as THEIR STUFF and they will act accordingly. When, as so often happens, you are living and they are all tied up unable to help you, and your funds are gone on to them and used up, there will be no way out of that. It leaves great bitterness in its wake. I would set up an excellent Trust with a good Trust and Estate Lawyer. Your assets are for your use and your life. If there are things left over after recovery of the state of any investments they made in your care, then that is lovely for the kids. If not, they are on their own.
So that's my personal plan. We all have our own feelings, beliefs, intentions, and make our own plans, and you can see on Forum the results of those who have gone one way or another. It is excellent education.
Great congratulations about thinking ahead on all of this.
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As opposed to a general POA, a "springing" durable power of attorney goes into effect when you define a certain triggering event like incapacitation. The principal, you, must list the conditions under which the POA will take effect. It retains control of your assets until those conditions occur. The agent must act in your best interest. A healthcare POA is also necessary to allow that person to make medical decisions for you when you are no longer able to. Like a springing DPOA, it only goes into effect when you can no longer make healthcare decisions on your own. It's considered an advanced directive.

Assets can be handled by simply stating "transfer on death" TOD on the title, auto, for instance.

Another advanced directive is the living will. This document applies to end of live care, it does not prevent routine medical treatment. A living will specifies how you want to die. Do you want to avoid invasive procedures to extend life, do you not want to be resusitated (DNR form) do you want to donate organs? All of these forms should be given to your family doctor, along with your copy and one for your attorney.

All of there documents takes the pressure off of your family to make these decisions. You may also want to consider prepaid funeral arrangements. My wife and I had all of these documents completed so in her final days her wishes were honored,and because of our prior funeral arrangements, all I had to do was show up. No stress of last minute burial shopping and funeral arrangements.

A trust is also possible to protect assets from medicaid, if you should qualify for that some day. But it must be an Irrevocable Trust. A revocable trust exposes your assets to medicaid claims. The bad side of an IRT is that you loose control of those assets.
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Medicaid is for the truly poor. If you have assets they should be spent for your care.
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Make an appointment with an Elder Care Attorney.
All the papers you need can be done.
For POA both for Finances and for Health. they can be the same person or different.
Rather than putting the house in her/their name talk to the Attorney about putting the house in a Trust. you don't own the house, the trust does. Putting the house in another's name can open a can of worms. What happens if your DIL and Son break up? You might be forced to leave your house. What happens if she becomes incapacitated?
You can pre pay your funeral and make all the arrangements you want. (Then you can truly say "I Did it My Way"!)
there is a pamphlet called Five Wishes you can get that on line. Filled out there is a lot of information that will be helpful for anyone that is taking care of your business.
There is a form that the doctor has to sign called a POLST (Practitioners Order for Life Sustaining Treatment) it details what end of life measures you want taken. This document can be changed by you any time. It is more detailed than the old DNR.
bottom line...see an Attorney!
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