I have worked for my little lady who has Alzheimer's for over 4 years. She has declined drastically. Her elderly husband still works daily and I'm there 9 1/2 hours a day. I love this little couple and care for the lady like she is my own from head to toe: fix hair, dye hair, nails, toenails, shower 3 times a week. We grocery shop on her good days. I clean and cook. Sometimes I drive her around & listen to her favorite music to change her mood. The problem is, she has become increasingly violent and for an elderly woman is very strong. Last week she slapped me across the face. I know it's the disease but still very upsetting. When she is upset for long periods of time with no explanation, she is usually diagnosed with an infection but her temper is a weekly occurence usually when dressing and showering which I realize can be normal.
I have been offered from a previous employer another caregiving job which as far as money goes, I cant refuse: 29 less hours but $1000 more per month. I have always been and am on excellent terms with this family but the violence (and daily bed wetting) has made me want to leave for a long time. I have read that I shouldn't give excuses for leaving but also feel they need to know the extent of her mood swings and violent behavior. She has taken pics off the wall and thrown them. She has hit the dog. They refuse to medicate her. I reported to the nurse her behavior and nurse is reporting to physician. The money is a huge reason I'm leaving because I have to take care of my own family. My new client has his mind and it has been agreed that I will never have to bathe him.
What is the most painless way to leave a job & why do I feel so bad for leaving them?
I realize that caregivers are replaceable but have developed a relationship with this family.
You feel bad for leaving because you've given a lot to these people. But, it's just a job and you must do what's best for you.
You should address the increase in your client's needs as a separate letter and do it as a courtesy because you are not aware if they understand how things have progressed.
You don't need an excuse to leave a job that makes you feel like you do. I am done as of 2 weeks is sufficient. Obviously with courtesy and diplomacy.
The lady you're taken care of is getting violent causing you to not like your job. And it just so happens that another job, a better job, presents itself to you.
I'd say, the signs are there. Make your move. How to let the current family know? You can tell them the reason for quitting is the violent behavior and that you have already accepted another offer, so there's no changing your mind, in case they want to talk you out of it.
Congratulations and good luck.
UTI's can muck up the brain... They need to know this... You may already know this, you expressed here that she has infection ... so it may be caused by UTI's...
MIL would go nuts... But the main reason.. you are leaving... $$$$$$
Agreed I will never have to bathe him... How long is that til? How old is he? When do the UTI's begin? How old is he? Aging is different from one to another....
Tell your current emplyer the truth: Ma is too much for me to handle at the moment. I love her very much, but my family comes first. Please have her vitals checked especially for UTI...
But because you're good at your job, you care about these people and will find it difficult to walk away. I struggle with this myself and I sympathise - when we come to the end of our reablement assignments, it's official: those clients are none of our business and we're specifically required to take no further interest in them or their welfare. I know I'm new to the role, but at the moment I can't believe I'm ever going to be able to do this!
So, in your notice letter you give a leaving date and say nice, polite things about how much you've enjoyed your time with this couple and wish them well for the future. You are treating them fairly. What they do next simply is not your responsibility.
As a professional courtesy, you also write an exit report on your client's current condition which you give to your employer but marked for the attention of your client's healthcare team. This report is not connected with your leaving, it's for information to facilitate accurate assessment of your client's care needs.
Suggestion about what to write in your report: my line manager has just become excited about a new approach which goes:
Able to: (e.g.) wash and dress her upper body, feed herself, mobilise using a walking frame, engage in social conversation, choose what she would like to eat;
Requires support (physical assistance or verbal prompting) to: (e.g.) dress appropriately, wash her lower body, transfer to the toilet;
Concerns: Mrs Client at times expresses frustration physically and can lash out - these behaviours are currently under investigation with a view to treatment. Mrs C is prone to uti's and has required treatment for these x times over the last 12 months.
The only thing I would question is that your client seems to attack you when you are helping her to shower or dress. Is there nothing you can do differently during these tasks that would help her to feel reassured and stay calm? What most seems to upset her?
I like CMs suggestion to write a separate letter concerning her status as it in now.
Congrats on the knew job! Come back and tell us how its going. Its nice to have follow ups.
GN
Offer to help train your replacement.
They will understand. They are probably going through the same.
Aging/dementia has stages..she has progressed to another stage that you are struggling to handle. She probably needs a med adjustment to handle her outbursts.
Good Luck.
If it seems fitting, perhaps stop after a few months to see how they are doing... but as a friend, not employee.
You have every right to leave and I think this opportunity is wonderful for you! Congratulations!
But as someone who, until very recently, spent 20 years looking after my parents, I know how difficult it is to find someone reliable and trustworthy regardless on whether you use an agency or not.
I would offer, if it doesn’t compromise your other opportunity, a month’s notice and if possible, speak with your friends in the field and ask them if anyone is interested in the position with full disclosure on the situation. That may lessen the blow for the family.
And I would agree fully that the aggression must be controlled. His failure to do so may result in him being alone to cope with his wife. Has he not seen this himself?
How did your little lady and her family respond to your 2 weeks notice?
I would love to know how you handled it and how they responded. It would be helpful for others to know what worked and was received well and what they should not do.
Thanx for updating us.
If you are really done and wish to take the new job, no one - not even them - should blame you. We all work and hope to get paid as much as we can for the job we do.
If it's possible, I would try to give them a month's notice. It is not easy to find someone for caregiving roles. However, if you can't, you can't. If you participate in moving job to new caregiver, be very specific in telling about the behavior or triggers that create change in behavior. You might want to write something up for the family so they know exactly what will have to be handled with her care.
.Becoming violent is part of dementia. My mother has been violent...she’s medicated to control agitation. Now she sleeps most of day. But there are times she gets agitated & curses especially with the paid private Aide. She gets called all kinds of names that are hurtful...& so do I as well; it’s less & less though....
it’s mostly because my mother doesn’t want anyone to bother or touch her because everything hurts her...Maybe you want to give more advance notice or ask them to match $$$$ & reduce hours? Hugs 🤗 whatever you choose
You should get a raise and a bonus. If I were your boss you would be the exact kind of employee I would desire to have working for my company.
Working with the public is great. A ‘people’ person thrives on it. We should do all that we can to satisfy a customer. But the customer or client is NOT always right. Many years ago I managed a store. I loved it. I was very particular about who I hired and in several years I only had to fire one woman.
I always backed the employees to the customer when they were right. I most definitely would have backed your stance. You are intelligent and did not hesitate to make the proper decision and act on it. 👏 Bravo!