My dad is experiencing a lot of anguish and stress because he is seeing consequences of his actions (and lack thereof) around his affairs for years (especially financially). I can see the stress weighing on him and can tell that he is getting sicker all the time, and he isn't enjoying his life because of the grief he's experiencing, not only because of the mess he's in but also because he behaved like an ostrich about it for so many years. I am helping him sort things out as best I can, but they're enormous and far-reaching problems that may or may not be resolved before he dies.
I feel angry, frustrated, and sad both for him and for myself. His actions have had rippled effects on me and other family members that have been significant. AND, he's a good guy at heart who made some big mistakes.
My first tendency is to smooth things over and reassure him he doesn't need to be upset because we're dealing with it, but I sometimes don't think that's really the best approach. #1 because it's important to let him feel what he feels but it's also really affecting my wellbeing as his primary co-caregiver, and I don't think I should have to hide that.
Would love to know how others have dealt with your parents' harmful mistakes and/or actions as they near the end of their lives. How do I lovingly hold him to account and help him enjoy the rest of the time he has left, when the reality is he's caused a lot of hurt and strife?