Should we feel guilty for not putting a meal in front of him or is it okay once in awhile if we're too tired to cook?

I would think on days where you know that cooking is not an option, order take-out. There are some healthy options out there that can be ordered and delivered.

Best wishes!

Leave a jar of peanut butter out and bread. Cereal in a bowl. I make sandwiches in advance, I live with my 90 yr old mom w dementia and my 93 yr old dad. I do all the cooking but prepare soups and stews on the weekend. They eat less as they are older. Leave out cheese and crackers or fruit for a snack..I make a pot of tea and leave that on the counter when I go to work. My dad will microwave it in a cup. They do not cook either. It works. Rice cakes and peanut butter and jelly are a good fill in. Perhaps if the bread is on the counter with butter left out, he just might do it himself. Preparing ahead really works and gives you more freedom. You can prepare even a hotdog ahead and just pop it in the microwave. There are microwave pizzas, burgers even waffles are great. Usually the elderly love sweets w coffee or tea. It doesnt matter what they have...boiled eggs cold with salad pre washed in a bag. Grab and go stuff is great...yogurt w a handful of walnuts or pineapple....Tomato sandwiches when in season w mayo on wholegrain bread. Hope it helps...I know what you mean about being tired. Jane

We keep some frozen personal pizza's and frozen breakfast items on hand for just such occasions. The pizza takes 3.5 min in the microwave, we slice them and my MIL loves them! Frozen breakfast items come in hand on weekends when we try to sleep in and need to fix her something quick to stop the "I need breakfast" (over and over) rant.

Could you save some leftovers, or get extra takeout, and let her put it in the refrigerator for him? just heat in microwave. She does sound like she would have plenty of reasons to be overwhelmed. If you do get Meals on Wheels ( we can't since we are out of city limits) maybe it could be put in fridge for his dinner?
At least get him some protein drinks and bars - that's what my father eats between meals.

@freqflyer - I think you're getting a little off topic. Of course it would be better if he quit smoking, but you can't force anyone to quit smoking!
@terrygma - don't feel guilty about missing a meal now and then. It's not like he's going the whole day without eating, he'll be fine.

I prep my Grandma's 3 meals in the morning. Her food has to be pureed/ground so I get them ready and covered and place them in the fridge for the Aid and I. Having a rotisserie chicken on hand and Meals On Wheels are great ideas. I would use the Frozen Meals as a last resort because they are very high in sodium.

stewardmmj, not all frozen meals are high in sodium. You just have to read labels.

freqflyer, "take away their recliner!" them's fightin' words, gal! Don't you DARE think about messin' with my recliner!

I have Meals on Wheels come and deliver for Mom. One I do not want her operating my range when I am at work and two she gets a healthy meal. Oh and Three, if I don't feel up to making a dinner I can get away with sloppy joes, hot dogs or just pop open a can of soup and not feel guilty, because I know she ate nutritiously at lunchtime.

DawnInVB, just saying if a grown man is able to find his pack of cigarettes, open the pack to remove same, find his matches/lighter, find an ashtray, and light up a cigarette, he should be able to make himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

All good advice. I am going to see about meals on wheels or a home health aide to come cook for him. everyday he has to have his breakfast which includes 3 eggs over medium 4 slices of crispy bacon and a bagel or toast with butter and jelly. He eats this meal even if we go out to a restaurant for breakfast the exact same thing every morning. Yesterday he was cooking his bacon at my sisters and the stove is a gas stove and he has to cook everything on high even though we have told him you can cook things on medium and he proceeded to almost set the kitchen on fire, smoke alarms going off, fire dept. Alerted, dad just continues cooking and sits down to eat, oblivious to the commotion. He is very single-minded, no matter the activity. If he is on his way to go outside to smoke or get to the table to eat, you better not be in his way, he will just keep going on to whateve he us doing regardless. He has spilled an entire bottle of brandy & v8 juice & just left it for me to clean up both times, just continuing right on out the door to go smoke, dragging his oxygen hose through the mess. He is supposed to come stay with me when i get home from surgery, but now i am scared because what if he sets the house on fire? I will not be able to move fast enough to get out, so now i have to tell him he cant come even though he wants to come help take care of me but he doesn't realize it is more work having him here than being alone. It's exhausting as he seems to only care about himself. Maybe this is just part of aging and the reverting to child like behavior.

@freqflyer - you're absolutely right, and as Terrygma just stated above, he's perfectly capable (meh - maybe not so capable!!) of fixing a meal when he wants it!!

Makes me wonder how did bachelors survive.... did they all pass on because they couldn't figure out how to open the refrigerator or pantry door :P

I agree with the others who said that it's OK to be too tired to cook some nights. My sisters and I take turns providing 24/7 care for our parents in their home. In between elder care, laundry, grocery shopping, housekeeping, home repairs, etc., sometimes I'm too tired to cook dinner. So I send out for a pizza, or pick up some fast food, or maybe fix soup and sandwiches. They'll live if they don't get meat, potatoes and a veggie. I don't eat frozen dinners myself, so I hadn't thought of that.

As for Dad not being willing to fix himself supper, is he from a marriage where your Mom did that for him? I know men my age who are lost if their wives leave town unexpectedly and haven't pre-prepared and frozen a dinner for each night. Personally I think that's nuts, but my hubby knows how to cook and do laundry. We have one friend whose wife had a stroke recently and her husband swears he has no idea how to do laundry or fix himself a meal. My husband asked if I'd make some casseroles for the guy. I said I'll do it when his wife comes home to help HER, but he can make a sandwich if he's hungry.

So as far as your dad is concerned, I see nothing wrong with telling him you're not going to make a big dinner, but you have X, Y and Z in the fridge if he wants to make himself something. Then see what he does. I promise, he won't go hungry for long.

Ha your all correct! He does come from the generation where women did all the work and my mom and my step mom waited on him and then my sister and I are guilty of doing the same especially me the three months that he was sick recently waiting on him hand and foot. I guess now he expects it he was like this before he got sick. So aggravating that he won't do anything for himself but he can. Well you all hanging in there thanks for listening