Is this going to be the future from now on?
Bedrooms and bathrooms are upstairs, my grandmother is 98 and still wants to spend days downstairs in the living room, she still has full control of her bladder and bowels, but has stopped going upstairs to the bathroom during the day and call me what you like but didnt even figure it out until afew days ago, because shes been sneaking into the kitchen and peeing in cups, just caught her pooing in her hand and putting it in the bin and washing her hands.
it isnt incontinence as she will wait till i pop to the shops or go into the garden.
she had poop all over her hands/fingernails(she cant even see well enough to clean her hands) just pretended that i needed to wash her hands.
how do i confront this behavior or modify it?
I agree with others - get a commode for her. That's the kind thing to do instead of inferring her actions are comparable to a feral dog. And respect that she's still a woman, a human being, and is probably going through anguish, confusion and a lot more b/c of her dementia.
However, response after CWillie's and Grammy's posts is shocking, i.e., that "im (not???) going allow my grandmother to start going to the bathroom in my living room like ferral dog, she has full control of functions for gods sake and can get up and down the stairs.
this was not the answer i was expecting."
I honestly had to read this a few times to believe something so unsympathetic was posted. What kind of answer were you expecting? Seriously? What other suggestions would you have expected?
Are you medically qualified to determine full bladder and bowel control? Are you also medically qualified to determine that she can get up and down the stairs? If not, you're making observations, rather than fact based conclusions.
Your profile states that she has dementia. Have you done any research at all on dementia and how it affects someone's personal issues, including toileting issues?
The poor woman is embarrassed; have some sympathy for her. Even consider just buying a privacy screen to hide the commode. Or is it that you don't want to empty the commode? And, BTW, your living room must be quite important to you, which makes me wonder how seriously you're committed to keeping her in your home, and why I make the next suggestion.
You probably won't like this, but I'm writing it anyway. If you have so little sympathy, respect and understanding for your grandmother, perhaps APS should be involved to find a place where she does receive that respect. To compare her to a feral dog is really quite cruel. If you don't want her in your house, at least be humane and find a good memory care facility for her.
I'm still shaking my head in confusion at your callous and cruel attitude toward a basic need.
The women who have responded to your post have been hands on caregivers for years
I am sorry for your poor grandmother and the situation you find yourself in now
Your words are shameful - your grandmother needs care and her needs will only escalate - it is not abominable it is a disease and an awful one at that
Please call your local county agency on aging and have a social worker do a needs assessment - if she qualifies perhaps there is in home care that can help, but if not step up and see she gets the help needed as what will you do when she's bedridden and pees and poops in bed?
You are not in this for the money but for the love of your grandma
This to me is so sad.
The fact that gma CAN ambulate up and down stairs occasionally does not mean that she can do so in a timely fashion when she needs to defecate or urinate.
And no, she is NOT is control of her bodily functions if she is peeing in cups and pooping in her hands. The bodily function that is broken is her brain. What she is doing makes PERFECT sense to her.
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