How do I deal with a parent with urinary incontinence and cleanliness problems?

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My father is 86 years old and vital in many ways; his primary problem is some urinary incontinence, wearing the same clothes over and over and not showering. He was here recently for 2 weeks and so faras I know, he took one shower, although he said several times that he was going to. He leaks urine pretty bad and does wear a pad, the question is, how often does he change it. I know that he does not not wear it at night when sleeping, nor does he wear underwear (he comes out in the a.m. 1/2 naked to go to the bathroom, He urinate on the bed, in the floor in the bathroom, on the furniture and on himself. He can't smell, so he is not aware that he smells unless someone (me) tells him. It is VERY difficult to talk with my dad about this over and over and over. He knows he has a problem. Just recently he emptied a pee bucket that he keeps in his room and he not only missed the toilet, it felt as though he dumped the whole thing on the floor.This could have been a mistake, but he doesn't clean it up and he does not tell us. He has had fecal problems too, where feces was all over the toilet seat (on the top), which he had to see, but did not clean up, nor did he tell us about it. I love my dad dearly and I know this has to be so hard on him; I am tryinig to be sympathetic, but something has to change.He has been told numerous times to change his clothes, to change his bedding (for when he is at his house, I change it when he is here), and to shower. I say these things as gently as possible to him.. he will do it one time, but then goes back to his old ways. I have read that this type of conversation comes better from an old friend, or from a Dr. than it does from children. I am considering calling his Dr. to see if he will talk with dad. Does anyone have an suggestions on what to do, or how to better handle this? Any suggestions would be appreciated., Thanks so much.

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This is to the person whose mother has fecal incontinence and wishes she would eat her own poo - what are you, some kind of a nut?
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Buy some of the depends that look like regular underwear and substitute them for his regular under wear. This may or may not work.
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I have the same problem with my Dad. He doesn't appear to have dementia at age 83...it's really hard to tell. But his hygiene has become intolerable. I bought depends an and put them in his room...hint, hint. He has worn them on occasion. But he wants to wear his regular underwear during the day and he ends up wetting himself and doesn't seem to mind!! He will change clothes but not always. Showering is also another issue!! Otherwise he seems to be fine.but hard to tell. Should I have him evaluated for dementia?
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I am thankful for all of your helpful responses. Many prayers for those who have shared, I think we can all use them. :0)
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I have one word to add "BIDET" I know they are an oddity and source of jokes in this country but having one can be a great help when cleaning up these messes.
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I've been caring for my Dad and I live with him in his house. He's 93, in fairly good health for his age. I just have to tell somebody what I went through the last few days, and found this forum! I just bought him his first box of adult diapers. I've had to clean up some 'remnants' of enemas and decided next time he gives himself an enema for his constipation, he needs to wear those damn diapers. Thank you for letting me vent. This is my first posting, and won't be my last. I am grateful there are thousands of others out there in the same boat. I don't feel alone. And having spent the last 2 hours reading these posts, I feel free to say just about anything, and there is somebody out there who is going through the same thing. I'm learning a lot. Thank you all and blessings to you.
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Kazzaa and Merlene...you guys might need to start thinking about getting them 24/7 help...to me, personally, it seems like they can't be by themselves anymore at all. I think they might both be at a point where you need to call in some big guns...

I did go through some horrible messes with my mom. You go into a kind of overdrive, a stupor, where all there is is: A. This is what I have to deal with. B. This is how I'm going to do it... and then you just get it done...

But...is this the norm, you guys? I mean, is this every day, all the time? If so, I think they need watching 24/7 in a facility... even if it's just to give you guys a break from it all for awhile... I'd start asking questions anyway... It might be time to rethink the situation..
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Kazaa thats worse than what i go thru,my siblings and i have hired help now,but mum still manages to make a mess.She doesnt wear underwear or nappies, walks aroud with paper between the legs which fall down when she walks,she then wants to know where its coming from.
Her tummy sometimes works while shes walking around,not sure weather shes aware of that or not,but is very angry when she sees that.The toilet is always in a mess,she cant keep that clean,
As im writing this she is fighting with the


caregiver because she doesnt want to bath.W get sworn every day,but we have now learned to live with it.At weekends i roll up my sleeves,put the gloves on and do what you do every day
Ger tummy sumtimes works while s
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Gosh merlene thats a pretty bad picture BUT am living it! Ive shut down from mess and clutter and I was close to breakdown I live with my mum only because ive nowhere else to go at the moment. Every morning I get up gloves and mask clean whole house then relax my mum dosnt wake until noon so the morning is MY TIME!
I switch off to the hygiene now and just get on with it as I have to noone else will do it and when my mum tries to clean up its a bloody disaster! I cannot look the binman(sorry garbage man!) in the face and made a point of telling him my OLD mum was not well WHY? because she throws her dirty incontinence pads in the bin on top of the binliners? have told her not to but she does so everyweek i have to go throgh the bin and tidy up her dirty mess its awful. I have tried EVERYTHING bins in her room giving her sweet smelling nappy bags to put her things in? NOTHING works she puts her things wherever she wants. I know its sad but hard to cope with I think I can just about cope with everything else but this is tough!
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Joan, I hope everything works out. Everyone here has already given the best advice. I'm glad your dad has that network of people, helping and checking up on him. That is a godsend. I hope everything works out to everyone's satisfaction. Let us know how it goes. *hugs*
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