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My grandma has a habit of making excuses for doing or not doing something so she wouldn't have to do what I had asked her to do? Like for example it's bed time and I make sure she does her routine before she is goes to sleep. Usually she does well on her own, when symptoms show up needs coaching to get motivated. Ok so I ask if she is ready for bed and she said yes just that she needs to brush her teeth. Alright, well I had made sure it was open and accessible for her and she goes in to do her buisness, gave her her kotex aka tena pads. Ten minutes pass and I see the door open and light on. She is on oxygen so I follow the tubing to see her in the fridge, I asked her if she is ok and needed anything. She was just getting cold water (she uses bottled water to rinse her mouth, but I have also seen her use warm temp tap water in a Styrofoam cup) told her ok and she giggled because I had startled her. I go back to my room and have her do her thing. She takes a while so here i go to see if she is ok, I see her in the fridge again opening a starburst. I ask her if she was gonna brush her teeth and she said you scared me again niña! (Obviously spoke to me in spanish) I had advised her its not ok to eat before bed especially if she has trouble sleeping. (She is restless) We both have two appointments coming up and I have a journal of her symptoms since her discharge from the hospital on 06/19/17 she has chf and has been recently treated for dementia (back in march) had mini stroke and fluid backed up in her lungs. We had our last hospital home care nurse visit and she got sad. She hasnt gone out much since her emergency bypass and heart valve replacement about 4 yrs ago. She can no longer take meds on her own and likes to retell stories of her days when she was young and soltera (single) and dating my grandpa and some other gentlemen from the pueblo haha it's been an eye opening experience for me as a care giver and thank you for your time.

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The very first thing my mom does in the morning is begin making excuses as to why she won't be able to exercise that day. Oh my back hurts, my ear hurts, my toe hurts, my eyes are tired & I have to "rest" them. Also known as sleeping! I used to feel responsible & guilty 4 my parents' lack of activity. Their doctor told me I can't make them do something they don't want to do. She makes excuses to appease her own guilt, because I don't try to talk her into doing anything anymore. I want her to get out of her lounge chair other than going to the restroom. Perhaps we're adding quality and time to their lives by virtue of our caregiving. Seems just as likely to go the positive way than the other negative way. If my parents were in a nursing home they couldn't be monitored 24/7 like they are at home, especially for falls.
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Thank you very much for your responses and I have been researching and have read as much as I could about dementia. And I'm sorry if I seemed little vague but yes I've noticed change in her behavior since she was discharged. I have written everything down when she has her days. She rarely argues but when she does its a food matter. (She has chf so she thinks water retention was fat) so her delusion is that is is too fat. She was 117 on the 19th but now she has been steady at 110-109 with my help and constant reasoning and reminder of her chf. She is no longer swollen because ive been giving her pills now. I think her dementia meds might be too low of a does for her because her symptoms have been more consistent than slowed. I do have help with caring for my grandma, and its been a family matter together. She has been much more content now that we have had a routine going. She much enjoys the company when everyone comes home from work haha the bathroom is just one thing she has done. I'm just glad that this doesnt sound too out of the norm. Even reading forums help a lot. Especially the toilet paper thread!! She stashes paper like she is squirrel stashing her nuts haha again thank you❤
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Dear Mila,

I know you are doing the best to care for your grandmother. But given her age and her health history some change in habits is normal and to be expected. Not that they are any easier to manage but if you are concerned please write them down and review with her doctor. It could be her dementia is escalating or a side effects of her meds.
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I'm not sure what your question is ... ?

It sounds like you have a very caring and loving relationship with your grandma. She is so lucky to have you.

People with dementia do develop "weird" behaviors. None of it is directed against you. She is not trying to annoy you or make your life harder. And she isn't making excuses for what she doesn't want to do. Her brain is damaged. That is what dementia means. And the damage will keep getting worse.

She is in the bathroom with her toothbrush, trying to remember what to do next. Oh yeah, she needs water. She goes to the refrigerator. Oh there is a starburst. She would like that. Her mind wanders and she is easily distracted. It is not that she is trying to get out of doing what you want her to do. She just can't keep focused on it.

It is good for people with dementia to do as much as possible for themselves. But I think Grandma may be at the point where she needs cuing to do some of her tasks. When she is ready to brush her teeth, stand near her. Ask if she needs anything else. She wants cold water. OK, go with her to get it. Go with her back to the bathroom and remind her to put toothpaste on the brush if she doesn't seem to know what comes next. Continue until all her night tasks are done, and go into the bedroom with her and tuck her in.

It is a LOT of work to be a caregiver for people who have dementia!

I think you will be much more comfortable in your relationship if you learn more about what to expect with dementia.
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