Where to begin on getting a stubborn Dad to realize that he should not drive and climb 3 flights of stairs to his condo?

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My father we think needs to downsize and move from h2 two story condo to a ground floor. He is shaky and shouldn't be driving. Not sure where to begin to find him a place as he is not interested in moving or giving up his car keys. just want to do preventative investigative work to see options.

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Just offering advice. Sometimes drastic measures are called for.
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Windyridge, I tried to take steps that I could undo knowing at some point the car would have to be sold. Cars are alien to me and when I read of things like fuses and relays but it wasn't clear enough to me where to look and what to remove. This is a Cadillac as well. At least I am certain the battery cable and valve stems just need to be replaced. Sometimes the best thing is what gets the job done. It will cost a little money to get it up and running but it is worth it.
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Here's a tip for disabling a car if things are getting dangerous.

At some point the car will have to be driven to be sold or disposed of. Old folks will call to get things fixed, buy a new car etc. so those avenues must be cut off.

But there's no need to do expensive damage to the tires or engine.

Just pop the hood. There will be an electrical box, usually near the battery which has fuses and relays. The underside of the cover will have an index to the circuits. Relays are little black cubes that simply plug in. The best on to pull is the STARTER relay. It may also be labeled CRANKING CIRCUIT.

Pull this relay and make sure the car will not start. It should now be stone cold dead. Hide the relay for later when the care is to be taken away.
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Its pretty typical. Mom was the same. At 90, she drove like a maniac and got lost as soon as she turned off her street, but still thought she was a good driver. Since she is pretty placid, we put her house on the market, moved her to independent living and sold her car out from under her. We had no choice. She talked about her car for the next ten years because she lost a big part of her independence. Throw in the lack of ability to reason or remember the discussion about it 10 minutes later and we went round and round for years.
I would get the doctor to write a note that he can't drive, have the DMV revoke his license and take his car away. Only trouble is - then you will have to figure out who will drive him places. What worked with my mother, we first took her to tour the independent living facility and she liked it (temporarily) and agreed to sign up - that gave us the segway we needed to get her out of her house.
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where do I find information about downsizing? own my own home but can not afford house payment and assisted living ( not sick enough for nursing home).
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oceansd, how old is your father? What are his impairments? Does he use a walker? A wheelchair? Does he fall often? Does he have signs of dementia? A dementia diagnosis?

Why do you think he shouldn't drive?

Why is climbing stairs bad for him?

It would be easier to respond if we knew these things.
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Car = freedom ...so true. My father's routine included multiple trips to stores each week. He could have been more organized and cut it down to one or two trips. He liked being able to run to a store whenever. Worse than only being able to go a limited number of times is having to have someone drive you around. He loved his independence.
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horserider, I remember back when certain cars were status symbols to the older generation. They would work themselves up the social ladder to finally get that Cadillac. Even if the elders were in their late 80's, it was time to trade in the Buick or Oldsmobile for that Cadillac.

My parents always wanted me to drive their behemoth sized Olds, and I would try everything in the book not to have to drive it.... it was like trying to steer a large dining room table down the road.

My Dad [94] now lives in a retirement community, and it is interesting watching this one gentleman go out to start his car every day... he wouldn't drive it anywhere, just sit in the vehicle for awhile. Cool looking vehicle, and you could see the smile on his face. There is something about a car that still gives an elder the feeling of "freedom".
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ps - I'm impressed with the valve stem idea! Just because a person has dementia doesn't mean they aren't intelligent .....
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My uncle was fortunate -- his car an my Grandmother's looked virtually identical, so he could leave his and drive hers. It wasn't a matter of dementia, but that it was a status symbol in her retirement community to own a car even if one couldn't/shouldn't drive. She had no interest in driving, but it let her ask others for a ride, offer the use of her car (they invariably refused, being more comfortable driving their own familiar vehicle). Complicated social stuff -- just like high school!
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