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My father we think needs to downsize and move from h2 two story condo to a ground floor. He is shaky and shouldn't be driving. Not sure where to begin to find him a place as he is not interested in moving or giving up his car keys. just want to do preventative investigative work to see options.

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Just offering advice. Sometimes drastic measures are called for.
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Windyridge, I tried to take steps that I could undo knowing at some point the car would have to be sold. Cars are alien to me and when I read of things like fuses and relays but it wasn't clear enough to me where to look and what to remove. This is a Cadillac as well. At least I am certain the battery cable and valve stems just need to be replaced. Sometimes the best thing is what gets the job done. It will cost a little money to get it up and running but it is worth it.
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Here's a tip for disabling a car if things are getting dangerous.

At some point the car will have to be driven to be sold or disposed of. Old folks will call to get things fixed, buy a new car etc. so those avenues must be cut off.

But there's no need to do expensive damage to the tires or engine.

Just pop the hood. There will be an electrical box, usually near the battery which has fuses and relays. The underside of the cover will have an index to the circuits. Relays are little black cubes that simply plug in. The best on to pull is the STARTER relay. It may also be labeled CRANKING CIRCUIT.

Pull this relay and make sure the car will not start. It should now be stone cold dead. Hide the relay for later when the care is to be taken away.
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Its pretty typical. Mom was the same. At 90, she drove like a maniac and got lost as soon as she turned off her street, but still thought she was a good driver. Since she is pretty placid, we put her house on the market, moved her to independent living and sold her car out from under her. We had no choice. She talked about her car for the next ten years because she lost a big part of her independence. Throw in the lack of ability to reason or remember the discussion about it 10 minutes later and we went round and round for years.
I would get the doctor to write a note that he can't drive, have the DMV revoke his license and take his car away. Only trouble is - then you will have to figure out who will drive him places. What worked with my mother, we first took her to tour the independent living facility and she liked it (temporarily) and agreed to sign up - that gave us the segway we needed to get her out of her house.
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where do I find information about downsizing? own my own home but can not afford house payment and assisted living ( not sick enough for nursing home).
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oceansd, how old is your father? What are his impairments? Does he use a walker? A wheelchair? Does he fall often? Does he have signs of dementia? A dementia diagnosis?

Why do you think he shouldn't drive?

Why is climbing stairs bad for him?

It would be easier to respond if we knew these things.
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Car = freedom ...so true. My father's routine included multiple trips to stores each week. He could have been more organized and cut it down to one or two trips. He liked being able to run to a store whenever. Worse than only being able to go a limited number of times is having to have someone drive you around. He loved his independence.
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horserider, I remember back when certain cars were status symbols to the older generation. They would work themselves up the social ladder to finally get that Cadillac. Even if the elders were in their late 80's, it was time to trade in the Buick or Oldsmobile for that Cadillac.

My parents always wanted me to drive their behemoth sized Olds, and I would try everything in the book not to have to drive it.... it was like trying to steer a large dining room table down the road.

My Dad [94] now lives in a retirement community, and it is interesting watching this one gentleman go out to start his car every day... he wouldn't drive it anywhere, just sit in the vehicle for awhile. Cool looking vehicle, and you could see the smile on his face. There is something about a car that still gives an elder the feeling of "freedom".
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ps - I'm impressed with the valve stem idea! Just because a person has dementia doesn't mean they aren't intelligent .....
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My uncle was fortunate -- his car an my Grandmother's looked virtually identical, so he could leave his and drive hers. It wasn't a matter of dementia, but that it was a status symbol in her retirement community to own a car even if one couldn't/shouldn't drive. She had no interest in driving, but it let her ask others for a ride, offer the use of her car (they invariably refused, being more comfortable driving their own familiar vehicle). Complicated social stuff -- just like high school!
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Yeah I relate to this as well . I was also hiding the keys when my husband kept saying he will drive . It was really scary. Now he seems to have accepted that its too late - he is too shaky and weak to drive and has glaucoma as well as lung liver and heart trouble! I threatened to tell his doctor (mean!) But that can be the only way to stop accidents happening.
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I fought the battle over the car with both mom and dad.
When Dr D told mom she could no longer drive, she accepted it nicely and said she doesn't really like to drive. I was elated!
No sooner than we got home she forgot all about that conversation. She said that her memory is fine and her driving is too. I stole the keys and she was frantically looking for them and fell, miracle she didn't get hurt.
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o0MichaeL0o, I do have your give your Dad "A" for effort, he was determined to drive.

It was my Dad's doctor who told Dad he cannot drive anymore, and Dad took the doctor's word. But every now and then, whenever I just couldn't take time off from work to drive my parents, Dad would say he was getting back behind the wheel to drive. Talk about stress big time as I was afraid he would actually be driving.
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This can be such a battle. Freq Flyer raises a good point about alternate transportation. What's going on with the driving that has you concerned? Wrecks, getting lost? Few elders cooperate in giving up the car keys. It can take drastic measures as described above.

If Dad is of sound mind all you can do is try and convince him to quit driving and to move to a more suitable place. If the driving is dangerous to him and the public it has to stop no matter what.

Do you home work. Finances? POA? Will? Medicare Medicaid? Is he going to need supervision?
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For anyone who may read this well after the original poster has worked out their problem, after a few discussions my father agreed to stop driving and give up his keys. However, within one week he had pulled out a spare set of keys and was driving his car. I confiscated the spare keys, locked the car up and deflated the tires. I had access to his bank account to pay his bills. I was looking over the activity and noticed he had used his debit card to pay for a locksmith. I learned he had been driving again. I then placed two of The Club security devices locking his steering wheel and gas pedal. I also locked the doors, disconnected the battery cable and deflated the tires. I placed warning signs on all the windows stating that it was not safe for him to drive and assisting him could lead to legal accountability. He called a locksmith again and I don't know whether they had new keys cut or he had another spare set but he was driving again. The locksmith apparently didn't care. I then cut the battery cable at the engine and cut off the valve stems of the tires. This proved to be beyond my father's ability to comprehend and he gave up. So be prepared for the unexpected.
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I am going through something similar, but my mother has Dementia.
Can you get his Doctor to write a letter saying he cannot drive? It doesn't sink in with my mother. I'm 2 years into caring for my mother in her home. Two years of multiple doctors trying to tell her she cannot drive due to her medical condition. I tried to talk to her but it fell on deaf ears. She also needs to downsize for financial reasons. She is not leaving her home and the driving thing is still an issue. My brother took over her car (just started driving it) and when he comes to her home he doesn't park it in her garage. She called the police on and off for over a year and still threatens to call them when my brother refuses to giver her the keys to her car.
We don't have POA and are just waiting for the worst so that we can actually do something. It's like watching paint dry.
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oceansd, curious regarding your Dad's driving, has he caused any accidents? If he can still get from point A to point B with out any issues, let him continue to drive. Lot of physically challenged people drive. Otherwise, you would be doing all the driving for him. Once I took over driving for my parents, I never realized they wanted to get of their house 2 to 3 times a day, that was their routine.

As for walking up three flights of stairs, what issues does your Dad have that you think he shouldn't be climbing stairs? Shaky people can still hang onto the stair railings to use the stairs. But I can understand your concern. Your Dad will know when it is time to move into a condo that has an elevator, and time to call you to drive him somewhere.
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Getting your dad to give up his keys and his condo is going to be a process. Don't expect results and resolutions overnight but do as Maggie said, do your homework, have all the information ready for him. If you leave it up to him it will never get done.
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If he shouldn't be driving, find out the procedure to report him to the DMV. Many times states have procedures in place to require people to take a driver's test when they've been reported.

Start looking into assisted living. If you know his financial situation, be prepared to approach him with #1 a choice of two facilities; #2 how he will finance it; #3 an offer to tour both of them with no strings attached on his end.

Do your homework up front. Very important.
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