I currently live with my 92 year old mother and have a daily round trip commute for work in excess of 150 miles. Until the last six months she was very independent with relatively few health issues and I worked much closer to home. She is still healthy but dealing with mobility and incontinence issues (both bladder and bowel). She tries to hide it and/or clean it up herself and I find the evidence when I get home after being gone in excess of 12 hours or more. My sisters help out with appointments and errands but have only been coming to spot clean the house about once a week. Needless to say the bathroom and carpets need daily care. I am looking for suggestions and advice but am also venting. I just ended the day arguing with mom about wearing adult diapers if she cannot make it the bathroom in time and of course she doesn't want to. Not only that but she often goes without underwear all day and finally admitted it, says it gets in the way. I cannot recall the last time the woman took a bath and don't think she sponge cleans often even though she claims to. I am trying to be tactful and respectful of her dignity but this is grossing me out. Not what I want to come home to after being on the road for a couple of hours.

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My mother-in-law was incontinent too, starting to where she dribbled going to the bathroom to full-blown couldn't hold it at all. So I totally understand how sickening this is to you. IMO, I think it's past time of being nice about it and suggest you talk to your mother again, only have a package of Depends pull-ups with you, and tactfully inform her you are throwing away all her underwear and she is to have a Depends on at all time - no if, ands or buts - because this is now becoming a health problem for both her and you. Or you could just try the "pads" for incontinence first and see if that is enough - but with her having bowel movements also - I'd go pull-ups. I know it sounds like a threat - but if she doesn't agree with it, like Perseverance I'd seriously think of talking to your siblings about this problem or moving out. Wearing the Depends made laundry/clean-up easier since she quit soiling her clothes, bed and furniture all the time. Yeah, there was an accident (overflow) every once in a while, but it wasn't every day or even every week anymore. Maybe it's time to bring in home health care and/or help with cleaniness and house care? Good luck!!!
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What are your options for long term care? I think it is time for you to gather your siblings and talk about this. It sounds VERY unreasonable for your siblings to rely upon you to be the caretaker when you are working full-time and away from home for so long.

Your poor mother. My Mom had a very hard time accepting that she needed to move to Depends, but once she crossed over (pull ons look like panties) it was so much easier!
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