I currently live with my 92 year old mother and have a daily round trip commute for work in excess of 150 miles. Until the last six months she was very independent with relatively few health issues and I worked much closer to home. She is still healthy but dealing with mobility and incontinence issues (both bladder and bowel). She tries to hide it and/or clean it up herself and I find the evidence when I get home after being gone in excess of 12 hours or more. My sisters help out with appointments and errands but have only been coming to spot clean the house about once a week. Needless to say the bathroom and carpets need daily care. I am looking for suggestions and advice but am also venting. I just ended the day arguing with mom about wearing adult diapers if she cannot make it the bathroom in time and of course she doesn't want to. I am trying to be tactful and respectful of her dignity but this is grossing me out. Not what I want to come home to after being on the road for a couple of hours.

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I suggest you have another talk with her, and have a package of Depends with you. Depends have pull-ups now that are very similar to underwear. I would tactfully ask her to start wearing them. I would point out to her that the house and her clothes are starting to smell and she must not be smelling it because she is in the house all day - plus the sense of smell decreases with age. And I'd mention the health issues this could be causing. Maybe your mom needs to be checked for a UTI also. A UTI can cause temporary incontinence, as well as the urine stinks worse than normal. And if you can't get her to agree to the pull-ups, TENA has a "pad" for incontinence. It won't help very well with the bowel problem though. But she needs to understand that this happens to a LOT of women as they get older. Especially if they have a hysterectomy. They just don't advertise or discuss it because they're embarassed of it also. My mom and mother-in-law both wear them. Just a thought. Good luck!!
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