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My mom gave her CC info to a PAC over the phone a month ago. The card declined it, I said I didn't recognize it, so they locked the card. I had it replaced. Just happened again. I'm not going to unlock it. She has a VISA but I want to take that too, in case they call again (which they will). I yelled at her this time because I had a super stressful day at work...then this. I know I shouldn't have. She only goes out with me and I can hold her VISA for emergencies or shopping. She's going to refuse to give it to me. Do I just insist? Or sneak it out of her purse?

Are you POA? It is time to close her credit cards now; time that you take over the financial matters if this is the case. There is clearly no sense in yelling at someone who has no longer function to know that she is endangering herself.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Do you have POA? Has Mom been formally diagnoised with a Dementia? If yes to these questions, your in charge now. Your Mom can't make informed decisions for herself. Its no longer what she wants but what she needs. Your peace of mind is important too. She needs to be placed in Assisted Living or Memory care if she can afford it. If not, then Longterm care with Medicaid paying.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Just let her keep it if you have frozen it. But, MOST IMPORTANTLY, freeze her credit so she doesn’t get talked into setting up a new credit card on the sly since the one she has doesn’t work. Either freeze the credit online or call. You may need to pretend to be her when you do this.

I took my mom’s cards and gave her cash weekly for shopping. And then the clerk at JCPenney told her what a great discount she would get if she signed up for their card. I didn’t find out until I chanced upon an overdue bill (she never checked her mail and all her bills were already coming to me directly). Learned my lesson!
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Reply to ShirleyDot
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What is a PAC? If the card is locked, mom can't use it, whether you get it from her or not. Dementia patients have no business with credit cards, debit cards or answering phones. If your mother is left alone all day, that's a problem. Giving out her credit card on the phone is only 1 of 1,000 things that can go wrong. Please get in home help to supervise her while you're gone.

I recommend a book called Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller available on Amazon. Learn all you can about the terrible disease now, so you can help mom accordingly.

Good luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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DandAmom Jul 22, 2025
My mother absolutely refuses in home care or an aide.moving in with me is not an option and she refuses to leave her apartment. Answering her phone is the only way we can communicate with her. I'm working on her but it's a process. I work full time and there is no other family. So...she spends time alone. But thanks for the feedback
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