Fear of getting in the shower, any suggestions?

She might like a transfer bench so that stepping in and out isn't an issue, and perhaps hire someone to come in and help her once a week.

Use no rinse products:  no rinse shampoo and no rinse soap.  Complete disrobing isn't required; she can clean up sitting down in a chair, just moving around a bit to get access to personal areas.       

Hospitals, rehab and care facilities use them.  Walgreen's carries them; I suspect other drug stores on that level do as well.   One of the local grocery stores has a varied selection.

Just be careful and buy the ones that are liquids and not sprays.

Taking out the tub and installing a walk-in shower isn't that expensive. The expenses add up if you are choosing expensive materials. Just basic materials are quite affordable, especially if you shop a place that sells "seconds", or get something on clearance. The biggest cost will be labor, unless someone in the family can do it. Usually getting a contractor quote is free. Materials can even be bought online. Wayfair has extensive tile options that are very affordable. Good luck!

I understand you EMFLA as I found my Late Mother petrified of taking a shower, tho She used to take a good long hot bath six nights every week
before bed time. I too felt the same as You as I did not feel it would be fair of me to invade Mom's dignity so I asked a retired Nurse to call for three, four hours one day every week, and She did which worked handsomely. Mother had an en-suite bathroom off Her ground floor bedroom. I fitted a folding shower chair onto the shower wall for Mom, so She could sit while being showered. Hand rails galore, and lots of towels so Your Mom does not slip when coming out of the shower, also place a towel upon the toilet seat so Your Mom can sit while being dried. The refusal of Our Elders not wishing to shower stems from the fear of falling. You are a good Son to Your Dear Mother and We wish the very best for You Both.

This is what I could find for services in Broward County, which I gather is your local area?

Elder Helpline
Accesses a qualified Information and Referral specialist who can provide information about services available for elders and their caregivers within the local community 
954-745-9779

They should be able to advise you on finding support with personal care for your mother.

Does she have a shower chair to sit on? They don’t have the energy to stand for that long. Get a sturdy seat, preferably with arms. Look on amazon and read reviews or go to a medical supply place and sit it one for yourself if they have a model out. Make sure that you have a removable shower head. Here’s a tip that I learned from my mom. Leave it unhung rather than for her to reach up to remove it off of the thing that the shower head is connected to. Just allow it to hang.

Also, the grab bars are slippery is hands are wet. My mom likes wash dry cloths handy to grab the bar with when exiting the shower.

If that doesn’t work then you may need to call Council on Aging to have an assessment done. They contract out with a caregiver company and will send someone out a couple of times a month for four hour shifts. That is what we had anyway. You could hire someone for the alternate weeks.

They will help bathe, tidy up her room, prepare a light meal, sit with her as a companion to play cards, put a puzzle together, etc.

Best wishes to you and your mom.

I am only 68 with Grab bars in my tub and I’m still very wary. I would suggest a shower chair or if you can afford it, install a bench you can fold. You can get shower chairs at Walmart and if Dr. recommended to Physical Therapy’s or occupational therapist you can get them for low cost from a medical supply company. Also consider contacting local home care companies for a CNA or trained care giver to come two to three days a week to assist your Mom with hygiene.

I know you said her fear is logical. It could seem to be but it is also extremely common for dementia patients to refuse to bathe. At 89, without any cognitive impairment she is at risk. In the short term, get her a shower chair to sit on. And a hand held shower head with a long hose which we easily got on amazon. I took that option so I did not have to shop at stores. She still could easily fall getting out especially when everything is wet. You can hire an aid for a bath visit as often as she wants one. It will be out of pocket and not covered by Medicare. Exploring a walk in tub is a good idea if she intends to remain in her home. But she still will benefit from a bath attendant and a shower chair.

I concur with removing the tub and having a step-in base installed.

In fact, my husband and I are having our main bathroom redone next week in that manner to make our house more elderly-friendly in preparation for advancing age. (We are both in our 60s currently.)

For her bathing, you might consider hiring a personal care aide to come in for a couple of hours daily to help her with bathing and dressing.

My 93 yr old mom is home after having a stroke and rehab. Home healthcare is coming in. One of the therapists suggested we get a sliding, swivel shower seat, with a cut out. The cut out is so they can clean private areas without standing up. The only thing I see that may be difficult for your mom is lifting her legs over the side of the tub.
https://www.amazon.com/sliding-shower-bench/s?k=sliding+shower+bench

There is even one that slides from the toilet to the shower.
https://www.amazon.com/Eagle-Health-Supplies-Toilet-Tub/dp/B078P3CXLB/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=sliding%2C+swivel+seat+toilet+to+shower+bench%2C+with+cut+out&qid=1579357958&sr=8-1

I hope this helps. Good luck.

Is the fear of falling or is this more? LBD are terrified of baths or showers, it has to do with more than falling. Make sure you know before you spend a lot of money on a renovation that will not be a solution.

He said, "" Bar(r)ing something prohibitive like changing her tub... " so stop telling him to get a walk-in tub. Your idea of reasonable is probably not the same as his, hence the term "prohibitive." A shower chair is pretty cheap, $ 20 to $40 depending. Go for at least mid-range, for sturdiness and comfort. And a hand-held shower head with a long hose and some control is a necessity. If she can't get the hang of it, hire a bath aide once or twice a week.

Get a shower chair and a hand held shower head. She will be able to sit. I have seen elderly fall in the shower. One guy yrs ago fell and sliced his entire back open on the faucet. Who knew that could even happen. The cut was the entire length of his back end 2" deep. Very scary.
Lots of people come into the ER from falls in the shower. Very common.
Either that or have shower redone to a walk in but extremely expensive. But wait there is more lol.
In Asian countries their whole bathroom is the shower. With a hole in the floor and a shower wand on the wall. The toilet and sink are waterproof. That's genius!.

An elderly person doesnt need a shower but 1-2x a week max bc their skin is too delicate and cant take it. They barely produce natural oils and skin is tissue paper thin.
In hospitals we use bed side baths having pt sit for most of the bath, then stand to do private area, then they would sit again using microwaved wipes just for this purpose. They leave the skin super soft and not much mess, other than wipes to put in the trash can. They are very refreshing when traveling in the heat. I have used them and they are great! It feels like you had a shower.

We also used a small pink tub bucket with warm water, wash cloth and bar of soap, and pt washes their face and arms and body that way too. No more shower mishaps. Just empty the tub when done. You can buy them at the pharmacy or just get a small bucket. Good luck.

My dad was unable to use the walk in shower since he’s have to use stairs to get to it so we took the shower doors off our main tub, put up a shower curtain and got a shower bench with a seat that slides you over and into the tub. Perhaps you could help your mom get positioned while she still has on a robe and she could hand that out to you when she’s ready to get wet. My dad and I got over any shyness about nakedness fast because he really needed assistance the whole time. Still, If your mom is able to do all the rest (except the standing up part) I would think a bench and a terry cloth robe would do the trick.

My mom had a shower bench that went over the side of tub. Two legs inside tub (with suction cups on bottom), two legs on floor in room (rubber tips on those). She sat on bench, then moved her legs over the side and scooted over till she was in middle. The trick was to tuck in the shower curtain under her butt to keep water inside the tub. Needed a hand held shower head, too. (Good idea not to hang that up-keep it in reach). A home visit with an occupational or physical therapist may help assess her needs, and show her how to manage it.

The hospice aide had me put a small heater, blowing on low on the counter in the bathroom. This seemed to soothe Mom, the hum and warm breeze.

Get an aide in once a week as some others have suggested. And don't worry. My mother is 97, has dementia and has not showered for 2.5 years. She has dementia and we have done all we can. Tried aides; she refuses. Luckily no real odor and she is continent.

My mom was always the most docile person but always VERY modest. Showering was a tough move. What has worked is a shower chair(1/2 in 1/2 out to safely get her in shower) because she is a fall risk.
Due to her modesty (one g for me too) she wears her bra in the shower and swim skirt with the crotch cut out so she can properly clean herself . A nice beach robe with short sleeves follow the shower and all is good. Can easily take off bra and swim skirt and not reveal anything.

I also suggest having an aide. Our CNA comes twice a week to bathe Mom. She helped Mom with showers until Mom became too weak to stand that long, and we have since transitioned to bed baths.

A "shower transfer bench" would let your mother sit down outside the tub and slide over into the shower and stay seated while she showers. That would eliminate her having to take that big step into the tub when she probably feels most unstable. (A transfer bench is what is being described when people say a "shower chair that is 1/2 in and 1/2 out.")

My name is Brandon, I was my mom's primary caregiver for about 5 years. When I made the decision to give her the care and love she deserved instead of placing her in a facility the rules/I wont's changed. Before she needed 24/hr assistance I told her I would never wipe her behind or bathe her. Well I did those things and much more. Mom and I trusted and loved each other more than ever b4. She became my child and to her I was the one person she could trust wholeheartedly. Those were the most incredible 5 years of my life and I wouldn't change them for anything. I miss my mom so much, I still cry daily sometimes all day long. She's the greatest gift god could've given to me and I will be forever grateful for the decision I made to be her primary caregiver. All the things she taught me as a child I was teaching her. If you make the decision to be her caregiver all those fears and awkward moments won't be there for long. Taking care of her hygiene and other daily duties will be 2nd nature.

Does she have a walk in shower or one that is in a tub that she needs to step into?
If it is a tub then a shower bench or chair will make her feel more stable.
If it is a walk in shower a chair or bench will also work but with the bench there is no back so there is the possibility of leaning so far back that she could go over.
Some benches may have backs that can be put on so look for that as an option.
In the walk in shower my Husband used I bought walkers at the local resale shop and he would stand with his hands on the walk er for more stability. There were grab bars but he did not seem to use them as much until we started using a shower wheelchair. Then he would hold the grab bar and he would use it to hang the washcloth I would give him to use.

A few things about the walk in tubs.
They are expensive going all the way to super expensive.
You have to sit in the tub while it is filling and then sit there until it drains. I am guessing it could take a while to do both so you sit there wet and chilly while it drains.

If you are going to make any change I would make a tub shower into a walk in shower with NO threshold and if you have a walk in shower spend the money to make that one a walk in with no threshold to step over. I think they call them Zero Entry Shower or Curbless Shower. Money well worth spending.

If a person has the cognitive abilities to use one, an option would be an add on bidet to the toilet. This would go along way toward maintaining cleanliness and doesn't have the risk of falling associated with showering.

Shower chairs are great. Maybe one with a back. You can find some at Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Get home health care. You can find it on this very web site!

To NeedHelp:
Shower benches are easy enough to use depending on your bathroom/shower configuration. I could not use my shower/bench in the tub/shower with sliding glass doors b/c the bench took up all the open space, and I couldn't get my feet inside. (That made for some pretty creative bathing techniques.)

It's easier to use the bench if the tub just has a shower curtain. If you (or your mother) have glass doors, you could remove them for now and use a shower curtain so there would be room for the bench AND your mother's feet!

It's definitely that giant step INTO the tub that can be daunting if someone is frail or unstable.

The OP appears to have left the building...

Aside from making sure there are lots of safety bars, put a chair in the tub and guide her in and have her sit down. I don't care why they won't take showers, they are mandatory. For people like me, I can't stand more than 30 seconds due to spinal issues and a torn rotor cuff an arthritis so severe, I am incapable of washing myself and I need to be clean, especially on my private parts. I may be scared at times but I will never give up my daily shower for anyone or anything. I could not stand it and will always insist on my daily shower. Sometimes kindness and help does not work - so you will have to be more forceful.

I am sure this has probably already been suggested, but get her a shower chair or bench and make sure it has a back. When we got a bench for my 80 year old Mom, she was getting visits from an occupational health nurse who showed her how to use it. I was glad for that because her bathroom is very small and the end of the chair is very close to her toilet and I wasn't sure if she'd be able to use it at all. The nurse showed her how she could safely maneuver and get in. She has a shower curtain as opposed to a half-door or else we'd have to remove it.

- Shower seat.
- Convesion to walk-in shower.