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Issue: He poops on the floor and toilet seats. Upon exiting the bathroom he leaves chunks and pieces of semi dried poop smeared all over the floor, the walls, the toilet, etc I questioned whether or not there was poop on the bathroom sink too. Mother is 70 and refuses to acknowledge the mess. So she walks over it, or sits on it and tracks onto the carpet. Where, in its smeared state, stains and ends up other rooms in the house. He wipes with his hands and tissue, it ends up in his nails, he doesn't like washing his hands then heads to the kitchen. His hands and the floor can remain in the same state for weeks, or longer.

The pair are extremely protective of their freedom and sense of control of their lives and they refuse to clean or attempt to correct his incontinence. What should a caring adult child do when I'm often screamed at, belittled, and threatened if I mention that I would like to try to help? Now I feel that leaving it alone and allowing the filth to pile up is the best solution, just doesn't seem right :(

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OMG, If I didn't know better, I would think you were making this up! My gut response is to get them both into a NH. I believe you've established they are incompetent, and they are also creating a serious contamination health hazard in their own home. Your father may even have a bacterial infection (from handling the poop) that is now contributing to his incontinence. And your mother is oblivious to all of it and spreading it around! Even if they let you help, you would be cleaning 24/7, because their behavior would not change, and you would also be putting your own health at risk. You are reacting to their treatment of you from the perspective of a child, although you are the caring adult. I strongly recommend that as the caring and 'responsible' adult, that you immediately get in touch with social services and enlist their help in getting your parents evaluated and into a proper facility where they can receive 24/7 care. Good luck and keep us posted!
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