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My 76 yr old aunt is in the memory care unit of an assisted living facility. She has Dementia but has some real moments of clarity on occasion and can get very fiesty with family. She has incontinence issues but tries to cover it up and won't let the staff assist and refuses to wear Depends. She is defecating in her pants and tries to clean it up herself in the shower.

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My dad had frequent BM accidents and also tried to wash things out in the shower and sink. He had Depends in his room but wouldn't wear them. To us it seems like the easiest solution in the world but maybe to my dad, having to wear diapers was just one more thing he had lost control over in his life. I tried to look at it like that until I had to keep cleaning up stool in my car, in the kitchen, on the rug, etc. I begged my dad to please wear the Depends and he finally relented. At the time I didn't give it much thought, I was just relieved, but it must have been very difficult for him. And I never called them 'diapers'. I would call them "briefs". Same with my patients. I never say "diapers". I say "undergarment" to the ladies and "briefs" to the gentleman. If I ever reach the age where I will need to wear a diaper (undergarment) I imagine that the first time I pull one on I will be realizing that I can longer control my bowels or bladder. And everyone will probably know it. How awful that must be.
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My mom said disposable ones iirritated her, so I bought her washable underwear off internet and she llikes them. They have built in pads. They are expensive--20 dollars a pair but you can throw them in washing machine.The company is High Tide
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I have the hardest time understanding why many of our elders refuse to wear protective undergarments. My mother has several accidents a day, but gets mad when I talk about the undergarments. To tell the truth, I haven't even been able to talk her into wearing ordinary underwear. She goes commando most of the time. She refuses to wear any type protection because it is uncomfortable. I don't think she likes anything touching her. She wears pajamas most of the time that serve as her "diapers." It's a mystery. If I were wetting myself every few minutes, you wouldn't be able to keep me away from the Depends!
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If she strongly won't wear Depends, then I suggest getting some Tena pads for her undergarments to help out with this. The "overnight" ones are longer and hold more. But it may come to a point where you don't want to give your aunt a choice though. If it gets to this point, I suggest buying the female undergarments. They're pink, pull on and off and look just like underwear. I would remove all her current undergarments and replace them with the Depends. Good luck!!
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