My Mother has always put her own health first. Since I can remember she has 'moaned' about one illness or another. Often spending most of her time in bed. I used to believe what she said but eventually realised her professed illnesses were mostly an attention seeking ploy. Her illnesses were used to control me and my stepfather.
My 'golden child' brother was protected and she didn't like to upset him. I was fair game though. My stepfather was an obedient enabler. So much of my life has been affected by feelings of guilt and dread of her volatile nature.
I live 25 miles away from them but over the last few years I have tried to help them both on a weekly basis. Though nothing I do is of significance. I have done alot for them both. I have a family of my own but I can't mention what I do for them as my Mother will turn on me saying why don't you do something for us!
Often my mother is both physically and verbally hostile towards me. I am 65 now and she drains the life out of me!
Now she constantly asks me to move in with them to totally care, cook and deal with my stepfathers incontinence etc! He does have daily homecare twice a day. They are both sound of mind.
If my Mother was an easier individual My dilemma would be so much easier but her hostile behaviour is often a nightmare. At the age of 89 she has so much energy and yet to hear her she is at death's door.
If I lived with her she would be the death of me I know!
I'm not a shy introverted type. I am a strong woman who held down a very responsible job but my Mother saps the very life out of me.
The more I see her, often the worse she treats me.
Now she constantly tells me I need to do more for them by moving in with them!
My Mother says its my duty to care for them now they are old ( not my Brothers!)
Incidentally, neither of them cared for their own parents in any way whatsoever!
I know I just can't live with her so how can I handle her constant request?