he throws a tantrum and either walks out, a bit dangerous, or cry or make himself sick. lost his wife 18mths ago, was a part-time father to us while he got on with his life and now make these extremely heavy demands on us. we are both on our own, grown kids and cant travel/holiday because of him and are at a loss and drained. when you try to reason, its like talking to a wall, he just wont listen. he will walk out of an elderly facility, so dont know what to do. we got him into a social club 3 days pw an all day eventlful group, but not enough. he is ludicrously selfish. tish SA

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...oops...that line should read, "..put your words into actions..." :o)
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Would you let your children get away with the behaviors described above? I am guessing no. Because your father has been lulled into thinking that he is the center of the universe it will take time to undo it.
First, you and your sister need to become a united front. Decide how many hous/days a week you are available for Dad duty. Inform your father that these days are his to do whatever he wants. The rest of the time is for you and your family.
I am sorry that he is trying to guilt you into line by walking out of your home and elderly facilities...dangerous, yes...not sure if you can do anything about it. If you don't go after him is he able to find his way home?
He is not going to "listen" to rational reasoning. So you need to put your actions into words.
When my mom first arrived here I was doing errands for her nonstop. Then I learned a valuable mantra: Needs first, Wants second.
It has worked for me, my Mom has more respect for me and my time, and life is a little eaisier.
good luck
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