My father has designated me as DPOA. I’ve had the signed paperwork since 2005. I have had a title company review the DPOA, as I am a realtor. His properties are in a trust. The title company says that the trust allows for a doctor’s note. When a doctor signs a letter stating that he has dementia, for example, and unable to make financial decisions, I will then become the trustee for the trust, instead of him. In May 2021, my father was diagnosed with major neurocognitive disease: mixed vascular/Alzheimer’s dementia. He is in bad shape and is unable to do any daily activities for himself. He cannot bathe himself, he cannot cook for himself, he cannot dress himself and pees his pants. He’s getting more and more confused and lost. He drools sometimes and is almost legally blind and has serious hearing loss. He goes to the VA. His regular doctor is doing a job share, so the doctor we saw last time, was new to me and my dad. I mentioned the letter I need to become trustee, but she said that my father seems to be able to follow the conversation, “sort of.” I didn’t get a letter. My father has a history of impulse control issues and prior strokes. I’m so frustrated. He has already gone out with criminals and they stole his wallet. He lost $15,000 in 3 hours, even though I warned him and tried to take his credit cards and wallet, many months before. He told me he would call the police and hire an attorney. He is clearly incapacitated and cannot make financial decisions. What can I do?
The bank took care of the credit card charges as they were fraud; however, the man and woman who followed him home from the store took him to the pancake house and then convinced him to go to his bank. I’m still working on Bank of America, to find out how they could allow him to carrying $9,500 cash into their parking lot full of drug addicts. Everyone else I know has had a relatively compliant elder and an easier eldercare situation, and I have the elder from hell. I’m over him: Alcohol use disorder, narcissistic/borderline personality disorder and Impulse control issues. I have an appointment with his memory doctor in a few days and will ask that doctor if he can help me. I don’t know how much his care will cost if he is bedridden and needs a full-time nurse. I have had increasing health problems because of the stress for so many, many years and my kids and husband are in the thick of this with me. I feel terribly guilty about that. My father has no empathy for any of us. Geriatric psychiatrist diagnosed him with a personality disorder. I have given up. I have been a really good and diligent daughter. I have always been there for him. He was super lucky that the identity thieves did not get more, and that My husband and I were there to clean up yet another mess for him. The detective agreed. I’m exhausted and I am 56. I should not have to go through all of this. He is almost 92. I have 2 beautiful girls, his granddaughters, that need me. The trauma he creates is real, and I have been diagnosed with PTSD. I need help figuring out what to do. Thank you.
Depends on how the Trust is written to if Medicaid can say it needs to be used for his care. A house is an exempt asset until his passing. But Medicaid does have criteria for the sale or rent of the property and who can live in it. When Dad spends down what he has, then he can apply for Medicaid. I would suggest consulting with an elder lawyer.
Please know that a DPOA has nothing to do with the Trust, do not resign because anything titled to the Trust can only be legally handled by a Trustee. Perhaps you can get dad to resign like MJ did.
Is it possible to schedule an appointment and specifically ask it be with the doctor that knows him? If not, I would find a geriatric specialist and get a cognitive test scheduled. Tell dad it's a new Medicare rule and it has to be done.
Just so you know, Bank of America or any bank is not responsible for safe guarding a depositor from themselves. You will need to do a two signature or double verification with your POA to stop him from being able to do this again.
Best of luck. I watched my dad get scammed out of every penny he had and there wasn't a thing I could do because he could showtime like a megastar.
As far as becoming Trustee, don't count on gaining that title with a DPOA. I'd consult a trust and estate attorney to determine exactly what you can and cannot do with his properties. Are you listed as the successor trustee on the trust?
I was the successor trustee for my parents' trust, and their attorney advised them to resign from the trust in order for me to take over when my dad got sick. (Mom was already not capable of taking care of their affairs.) I already had all the powers of attorney, but I'm not sure I'd have been able to do anything with their trust accounts with just a POA. My folks had investment accounts in the trust, but also IRAs and a checking account outside the trust. I knew the POA would allow me to handle the IRAs and the checking account, but I'm not sure about the trust accounts. Once they resigned from the trust, I was able to take over all aspects of their finances within the trust, and the DPOA covered the checking and IRA accounts.
I don't know if this has changed since my father got VA care, but at that time a social worker was assigned to the various teams. That might have been a better approach, as a social worker could get a signed letter that would facilitate your becoming Successor Trustee.
I assume you're aware that "a doctor's note" would have to be more than that, more like an opinion of cognition level, or declining lack thereof.