Your message to me suggests that you haven’t yet started on the road to get all the paperwork in order. I’d suggest that perhaps you start with the HIPPA forms, which allow doctors to talk to you direct about your mother’s health. Otherwise their privacy obligations mean that they can’t do it. One of the most common reasons for a very sudden need for this is a stroke, when overnight the victim losing their speech (aphasia). Speech can come back, but the first few hours and days are important. If your mother is sensible, she ought to understand the possibility of this happening to any of us without warning.
After that, you can say that other bits of paper have been recommended to you when you went to collect the HIPPA papers. They include a POA, one of various options. They can be written so that they only come into effect after the writer no longer understands their bank requirements or is having trouble with tax etc. If she is very resistant, say that she can get independent legal advice so that she is quite comfortable with what she is doing, and offer to get her an appointment with any lawyer she wants or with one that you can track down as a specialist in this field.
Don’t be scared of starting this conversation. If she is stubbornly independent, I’d probably do it in two stages. First bring it up as something you have heard of. My technique in the past is to do this and ask what’s wrong with the idea. Very frequently, the person ends up saying it’s not such a bad thing to think about, after they have got all their criticisms off their chest. Then come back to it a week later, with some paperwork to look at.
After Dad died Mom made a new Will. At that time she appointed me POA for financial and medical.
There are two types of POAs, Immediate and Springing.
Immediate means as soon as she signs that paperwork your POA is in effect.
Springing means that Mom has to be declared incompetent to make informed decisions.
For you, I would want immediate since Mom is already showing signs of Dementia.
Some elderly people think that POA takes away their control. You can explain that she won't lose that. POA just means you are her representative when she is unable to do things because of sickness. She still will be involved in any decision making. Of course this won't happen as her Dementia worsens but she doesn't need to know that now. You will always honor her wishes. Explain too, without POA you may have no say concerning her future. The State may step in and appoint a guardian, a stranger. Decisions maybe made in her best interests but not so much what she wanted. Family does not have the final decision. To make things easier on her family and to make sure her wishes are carried out, someone needs to be assigned POA.
If she can't reason and understand that someone having POA is a good thing for her, then maybe she is too far into her Dementia. And as such, can not competently assign POA. Now your looking at guardianship which is expensive. Medicaid, I think, will allow for this to be paid out of Moms money if she has it.
WTDWM - I have a number of questions. Just need to understand more before giving suggestions.
How did you approach the subject of POA with your mother? What reasons did she give for not wanting to appoint a POA? Does she understand the purpose of it and how it works? Maybe not understanding it fully makes her uneasy to sign one? Will she be more receptive if someone she trusts brings up the subject? Or perhaps, she's advanced beyond the beginning stages of dementia?
Some elderly think that by giving POA to someone, they lose their ability to make decisions, and the POA can put them in a nursing home or pull the plug.
This question has been answered before along the following lines: ‘You can do this now and make your own choices. If you leave it, the lawyers may say that you aren’t legally competent, and you won’t be able to do it. If things get difficult after that, the State will have to take Guardianship. Then you won’t have any choice, neither will I, and neither will anyone who really knows and cares about you. That will be awful for all of us’. Good luck with the battle!
Or OP could also say that without it, they Will have to seek guardianship through the courts that will cost at a minimum of 10K that will be parent's expense and not at all easy. An appointment with an elder law attorney may help. The attorney would explain why it is so important.
After that, you can say that other bits of paper have been recommended to you when you went to collect the HIPPA papers. They include a POA, one of various options. They can be written so that they only come into effect after the writer no longer understands their bank requirements or is having trouble with tax etc. If she is very resistant, say that she can get independent legal advice so that she is quite comfortable with what she is doing, and offer to get her an appointment with any lawyer she wants or with one that you can track down as a specialist in this field.
Don’t be scared of starting this conversation. If she is stubbornly independent, I’d probably do it in two stages. First bring it up as something you have heard of. My technique in the past is to do this and ask what’s wrong with the idea. Very frequently, the person ends up saying it’s not such a bad thing to think about, after they have got all their criticisms off their chest. Then come back to it a week later, with some paperwork to look at.
Good luck!
There are two types of POAs, Immediate and Springing.
Immediate means as soon as she signs that paperwork your POA is in effect.
Springing means that Mom has to be declared incompetent to make informed decisions.
For you, I would want immediate since Mom is already showing signs of Dementia.
Some elderly people think that POA takes away their control. You can explain that she won't lose that. POA just means you are her representative when she is unable to do things because of sickness. She still will be involved in any decision making. Of course this won't happen as her Dementia worsens but she doesn't need to know that now. You will always honor her wishes. Explain too, without POA you may have no say concerning her future. The State may step in and appoint a guardian, a stranger. Decisions maybe made in her best interests but not so much what she wanted. Family does not have the final decision. To make things easier on her family and to make sure her wishes are carried out, someone needs to be assigned POA.
If she can't reason and understand that someone having POA is a good thing for her, then maybe she is too far into her Dementia. And as such, can not competently assign POA. Now your looking at guardianship which is expensive. Medicaid, I think, will allow for this to be paid out of Moms money if she has it.
How did you approach the subject of POA with your mother? What reasons did she give for not wanting to appoint a POA? Does she understand the purpose of it and how it works? Maybe not understanding it fully makes her uneasy to sign one? Will she be more receptive if someone she trusts brings up the subject? Or perhaps, she's advanced beyond the beginning stages of dementia?
Some elderly think that by giving POA to someone, they lose their ability to make decisions, and the POA can put them in a nursing home or pull the plug.