We bought our (tiny!) starter home 39 years ago, thinking we'd certainly move a few times as our family grew--but we never did. I raised a family of 5 kids in a 1700 sf 4 bedroom home. Tight quarters, as it were. We are in a split entry 7 stairs up and down and the laundry, family room and my craft room are all downstairs. I am running up and down all day long. There are 11 stairs from the back deck to the back yard, 14 stairs into the attic (accessible only from the garage) where all the decorations, camping stuff, etc is stored, then 5 stairs down to the basement entrance of the home.
We only have a single car garage, my hubby's car is newer than mine, so it "gets" the garage and I park on the side of the house and in winter--wow, sometimes shoveling out is just too much for me.
Hubby is perfectly content to stay here forever. I, however, am exhausted. Up and down all day long, and I do all the yard work and all the housework. Hubby still works FT, at a desk job, but he is tired at the end of the day, comes home, eats and goes to bed. I don't think he's been in the basement for 2 months, the back yard? Over a year.
I had a nasty fall down the stairs a few weeks ago--nothing hurt but my pride and my forearm which blossomed into glorious Technicolor bruises. Have been asking hubby for handrails for 37 years since he tore out the originals. He says I need to watch my step....(handyman coming next week to install handrails.)
I have arthritis in my back (2 surgeries) and feet & hands. Many days, the mere thought of what I have to do with the up and down makes me want to weep. I hate that my car is exposed to our brutal winters and summers. I hate shoveling the snow so I can go anywhere in the winter (no, he does not shovel snow, either). I worry about breaking an ankle or leg now that my one foot is partially numb from the surgery on it, my balance is not perfect.
I have been talking about moving to a house of similar size (1700 sf is pretty small) but with a different footprint--no stairs and accessible from a DOUBLE garage to the house so I am not hauling groceries in the house and up 7 stairs--all year long.
He is 100% opposed, says I am too young to act so old (I'm 61) and I agree. But I am looking forward and I'm not going to get MORE spry and energetic. I want to make this move BEFORE he retires and I'm willing to take 100% of the "workload" of looking for and remodeling someplace for our needs. All he wants is a kitchen, bathroom and his big bed and the TV. WHERE those things are, he cares not.
My SIL is a realtor and comes across places all the time that are just right. Hubby will not even consider looking. I don't get it--he's not attached to any neighbors here, he hasn't had much of a hand in any of the landscaping or the yard, or decorating our home-- I do not see why driving to a different address upsets him so.
I know he never feels well--and that's why I do all the stuff. All I ask of him is to work, and I work PT, seasonally, so I can't really ask him to step up at home, he travels a lot and his job is very stressful. Yes, I have spoiled him terribly--but it's time for a change.
How do I bring this up and make it happen? I don't want the kids to have to drag us out of here, with him kicking and screaming. I want to do it thoughtfully and with a lot of time--which we have. Our current home is paid off, we are almost at the point, financially, where he can retire. I am afraid that once he does retire, he'll go to bed and that will be it. His only plan for retirement is to sleep.
I'm sure I am not alone in this. I just cannot break through his total lack of indifference. He doesn't seem to care that I am so tired, thinks I am the sprightly 22 yo girl who moved in here with him! (Sweet, but no, the old gray mare is wearing out!)
Sorry so wordy--just, well, in need of advice!