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Even just having her on Saturday has given me (and DH) a much better social life and time to get things done around the house. You won’t know until you try.
Mom is not on Medicaid, she has Medicare. Also, the costs in California where I left, and she still is there for now, the costs of living are much better when you are out of that state. I have handled her finances well so she would not qualify for medicaid for now anyway and hopefully I won’t have to get into that nightmare. 😉
I was lucky, I had my DH but even then it was just a quick errand or run to the store. Just certain things DH could not do for Mom. We had her 24/7 for 20 months. I was lucky I found a girl my daughter knew who would come in 3x a week and bathe Mom.
You need a least a day a week to yourself if doing 24/7 care. Did Mom go to Church. Maybe there is a member with some homecare background who would come in a few hours a week. Do you have a nursing school nearby. Maybe a student would be willing to come in. A good learning experience. Some CNAs don't work a full 40 hrs a week. Maybe u can post something at a local NH or AL. There are retired homecare workers who would probably love to make some "mad" money.
Start small, perhaps. Go to an agency which at least tries to limit the number of individuals they send to clients. Book some caregiving time, an hour or two; and for the first couple of times don't go out. Be in your room, take a long bath, go and weed your flowerbeds. Enjoy some downtime, and see how it goes. Do your best not to keep checking up, because that is NOT the idea; but just get used to the idea of somebody else being on duty.
Find someone with a good rep, have her meet with Mom and see how they interact, and if all goes well, train her well on all Mom’s idiosyncrasies and health issues, THEN you can feel OK about letting go enough to live your life too!
I was able to relax more when I had to go out. I never did completely relax but it got easier knowing she was with someone that cared for her. I did not stop my worrying but I could relax a bit.
It wasn't really time for me but it was for her. At first I would bring home a treat for her that she liked. Then she started to eat less, so I discontinued that practice. I still bought her favorite foods.My trip out was for necessities. A little was for looking for things she might want or need. Like the La Maze bras I found that she liked.
I know that trust feeling. It is really tough but you must do it or you may become the next patient. If you hire a service to sit with her try your best to get the same person each time for awhile. If she is of an ethnic heritage someone of the heritage might help. It will give themsomething to talk about or have an understanding of her needs and wants.
Good Luck and best wishes.