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If you start with a reputable agency, they will come out to assess your Mom, and look for appropriate caregivers from their staff. My Moms in a N.H., also what I would consider “delicate”. I get to visit daily for 4 hours since she does so much better with one-on-one interaction. To give me a day off I have hired a agency caregiver for Saturdays. The process at the agency I go through is, after the initial assessment, to bring a potential caregiver to Mom and me for a meet-and -greet prior to giving the go ahead. An RN accompanies the person for this initial meeting (no cost for this meeting) to make sure the medical needs are reviewed, and I fill them in on all the little details of how to make her tea, songs she likes to sing, etc. I see if she’s appropriate for Mom, and give the go ahead, all a few days prior to the first solo run. They schedule the same person every week, and we have 1 backup that’s also approved by me just in case.
Even just having her on Saturday has given me (and DH) a much better social life and time to get things done around the house. You won’t know until you try.
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Reply to rocketjcat

Mom is not on Medicaid, she has Medicare. Also, the costs in California where I left, and she still is there for now, the costs of living are much better when you are out of that state. I have handled her finances well so she would not qualify for medicaid for now anyway and hopefully I won’t have to get into that nightmare. 😉
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Reply to Rainey69

As CountryMouse said, start acclimating to others being part of her care. You don’t have to look for more than 30 seconds on this site to see story after story of caregiver burnout and in some cases a life that’s pretty much ruined from caregiving. And none of these caregivers expected it to be like that. Their hearts were in the right place. But they lost themselves, and when their relative eventually passes, they have no energy, no health, and nothing left to live out the rest of their lives. It’s almost as if the caregiver dies too.
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Reply to LoopyLoo

Please fill out your profile. Helps us help you.

I was lucky, I had my DH but even then it was just a quick errand or run to the store. Just certain things DH could not do for Mom. We had her 24/7 for 20 months. I was lucky I found a girl my daughter knew who would come in 3x a week and bathe Mom.

You need a least a day a week to yourself if doing 24/7 care. Did Mom go to Church. Maybe there is a member with some homecare background who would come in a few hours a week. Do you have a nursing school nearby. Maybe a student would be willing to come in. A good learning experience. Some CNAs don't work a full 40 hrs a week. Maybe u can post something at a local NH or AL. There are retired homecare workers who would probably love to make some "mad" money.
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Reply to JoAnn29

It is very, very difficult to trust a complete stranger with someone you care about that much! I sympathise. But yes you should get out more, and even more to the point - you need to be *able* to go out, at least. What if the time comes when you have to be away, like it or not? Nobody can be indispensable.

Start small, perhaps. Go to an agency which at least tries to limit the number of individuals they send to clients. Book some caregiving time, an hour or two; and for the first couple of times don't go out. Be in your room, take a long bath, go and weed your flowerbeds. Enjoy some downtime, and see how it goes. Do your best not to keep checking up, because that is NOT the idea; but just get used to the idea of somebody else being on duty.
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Reply to Countrymouse

I have recently become a long distance caregiver, I had also recently had to put Mom in a facility last June because her dementia had become so bad, she needed 24/7 eyes on her and I was a little over 5 years of being the sole caregiver to her. Needless to say, I was burnt out and I was just not able to go to that “next level” of care. I had to let go and it was heart wrenching because she has lymphedema in one leg and is so fragile, I nicknamed her “the china doll.” I was scared of other people who knew nothing about her noticing potential problems, etc. I ended up hiring a gal from an outside care service and trained her on how to compression wrap her leg and a few other things but it is always the same gal. She FaceTimes with me and shows me live how her leg looks and I get to see and chat with Mom and she gets to see and chat with me! I sleep much better knowing I have this fantastic gal I trained overseeing Mom’s care until I am ready to move her closer to me again since I moved out of state.
Find someone with a good rep, have her meet with Mom and see how they interact, and if all goes well, train her well on all Mom’s idiosyncrasies and health issues, THEN you can feel OK about letting go enough to live your life too!
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Reply to Rainey69
JoAnn29 Mar 23, 2019
Rainey, just a heads up...u do realize that Medicaid does not go over state lines. That residency has to be set up in the new state. Meaning that person will have to private pay for care.
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I felt the same way while caring for my wife. But some things just had to be done, like groceries. I began to feel more comfortable when we were able to have the same peson sit with her. Luz began to trust her. At least it seemed that way to me and the companion grew to really like sitting with Luz.
I was able to relax more when I had to go out. I never did completely relax but it got easier knowing she was with someone that cared for her. I did not stop my worrying but I could relax a bit.
It wasn't really time for me but it was for her. At first I would bring home a treat for her that she liked. Then she started to eat less, so I discontinued that practice. I still bought her favorite foods.My trip out was for necessities. A little was for looking for things she might want or need. Like the La Maze bras I found that she liked.
I know that trust feeling. It is really tough but you must do it or you may become the next patient. If you hire a service to sit with her try your best to get the same person each time for awhile. If she is of an ethnic heritage someone of the heritage might help. It will give themsomething to talk about or have an understanding of her needs and wants.
Good Luck and best wishes.
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Reply to OldSailor

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