It’s been three months since mom passed, no cards or flowers. Nothing. I get it people are in their own little world and don’t care. I don’t know where to put this topic sorry if I put in wrong place. It feels like you're alone and no one cares no one asks how you're doing, it’s been a struggle. No one calls or texts, when they get sick I’m not going to care at this point talking about her side of the family. She wanted her cousin there but her jewelry line is more important I guess I am just a step not related to them. Just a lot going on work helps and lots of therapy.

Depends on the generation, I think. Older people wrote the most lovely notes to us about my dad (and most important, TO my dad before he died), but we received nothing from anyone in our generation. None of my friends sent me condolences except on Facebook when I posted that my dad had died. ("Sorry for your loss" x80. Very comforting /s)

Flowers really aren't a thing anymore, because of the "In lieu of flowers" note always in obituaries, but out of 350 people at my dad's funeral, only 12 sent donations. (That was totally fine with me.)

What I did treasure, though, were those 350 people who made the effort to come to his service. Our minds were absolutely blown.

Rather than dwell on the lack of consideration by others, try to pay it forward and do for others what was not done for them. Long before my dad died, I started sending copies to the family of photos I might have had of the deceased person, especially if it was from an event where family might not have been in attendance. I started doing it when our neighbors' 16-year-old daughter died suddenly, and her mother was so grateful to have more pictures of the child she'd never see again. I know I'd give anything for more pictures of my dad from any era.

Use your pain to show more consideration to others in theirs, and you may succeed in teaching them that compassion and kindness are never inappropriate.
Helpful Answer (28)
Reply to MJ1929
CandaceC Jun 26, 2021
Such positive, constructive suggestions to turn the thoughtlessness of others into a mindset of meaningful kindness.
I would like you to receive this from Me to You (prayers are with you):

Heaven lit up with a mighty presence,
as the Angels all looked down.
Today the Lord was placing the jewels
Into my mother’s crown.
He held up a golden crown,
as my darling mother looked on.
He said in His gentle voice,
‘I will now explain each one.’
‘The first gem,’ He said, ‘is a Ruby,
and it’s for endurance alone,
for all the nights you waited up
for your children to come home.’
‘For all the nights by their bedside,
you stayed till the fever went down.
For nursing every little wound,
I add this ruby to your crown.’
‘An emerald, I’ll place by the ruby,
for leading your child in the right way.
For teaching them the lessons,
That made them who they are today.’
‘For always being right there,
through all life’s important events.
I give you a sapphire stone,
for the time and love you spent.’
‘For untying the strings that held them,
when they grew up and left home.
I give you this one for courage.’
Then the Lord added a garnet stone.
‘I’ll place a stone of amethyst,’ He said.
‘For all the times you spent on your knees,
when you asked if I’d take care of your children,
and then for having faith in Me.’
‘I have a pearl for every little sacrifice
that you made without them knowing.
For all the times you went without,
to keep them happy, healthy and growing.’
‘And last of all I have a diamond,
the greatest one of all,
for sharing unconditional love
whether they were big or small.’
‘It was you love that helped them grow
Feeling safe and happy and proud
A love so strong and pure
It could shift the darkest cloud.’
After the Lord placed the last jewel in,
He said, ‘Your crown is now complete,
You’ve earned your place in Heaven
With your children at your feet.’
Helpful Answer (13)
Reply to phalen1
Grannie9 Jun 26, 2021
So beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for posting it.
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Thank you for posting this. It is a reminder to me to reach out to people. My good friend’s mom died. We talked a few times but I did not send a card. I will now.
And please accept my sympathy for your loss. Being a caregiver consumes one’s life. And when that person’s gone, there’s a big hole.💕
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to WendyElaine

The community at large are not taught the social graces or manners anymore that denotes just plain old human kindness. That said a lot of people are going to get on line and give me grief. But, we have been involved in a small country church for 20 years. My mom was the church piano player. When her dementia became apparent and covid hit we had to quarantine. She had a major hospitalization and the pastor called 1 time. Period. A year and a half later 1 time. Period. Okd friends called 1 time. I even updated them on texts. I have come to realize that out of sight, out of mind and if it doesn't pertain to me and mine people go on with their lives. I've learned over years of taking care of my 85 year old mom that we really are alone in this. We become fast friends with all the doctors and care takers. But even my only sister can't be bothered to sacrifice 10 minutes once a week to be bothered with calling our mom. I'm sorry, I digress. Your pain is real. People really don't care when life gets messy. It's your families loss that they missed the last part of your loved ones life. Trust me , you will have a clear conscience going forward. The others will make excuses and have regrets the rest of their lives. Yes you are right, when it happens to them they will want what they did not give. You do what's right in your heart. Best of luck.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to Cowdiva
Petite1 Jun 26, 2021
So well written Cowdiva. Sadly I could have written those exact words. May God Bless you and your Mom.
Things are not like they used to be. Just look at our politics. I wonder if we will ever return to being empathetic human beings again.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Ricky6
my2cents Jun 24, 2021
Ricky6 - Spot on. Empathy AND sympathy seems to have gone out the window.
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I’m so sorry for your loss and for the lack of support you are feeling.

Please focus on treating yourself kindly. Pick up a bouquet at a farmer’s market or give yourself a break by getting carryout instead of cooking.

Treat yourself with great loving kindness.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to ACaringDaughter

Sadly we are ultimately alone. When my husband died I did have support from friends…but it fades away. This is just the way things are. Try not to be too hurt and carry on your life being open to kindness. We bereaved people are in this together. Just know that you are loved by strangers in the same boat.
Take care
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Ruskin59
Invisible Jun 29, 2021
Everyone is ultimately bereaved. It's the great equalizer.
My Mother passed away and a distant friend sent flowers and a card, that meant so much to me. And nothing from close friends and relatives not even a card.

My brother committed suicide during Covid, he was 60, and absolutely not one person sent any condolences.

I figure I really don’t have any relationships that care.
Seems as if no one has the time to drop a card from the dollar store anymore.

I have learned that you truly are here on your own, with only prayer to help you through this time.

Thank God I have a caring Husband.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Concerned7
WendyElaine Jun 26, 2021
I am so sorry for your losses, especially losing your brother to suicide. (I think people don’t know what to say sometimes rather than don’t care.) I suspect people do care about you. But it surely must hurt a lot to have this loss ignored. Any relationship that you feel you might want to hang on to, maybe let them know how hurt you are over this. They might surprise you.
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I have to agree with MJ1929, that cards are definitely an older generation thing. And flowers are a thing of the past pretty much, for funerals anyway, except if the funeral is at a funeral home, then there usually are flowers there from family members.
I am a huge card sender, and always have been. But that is how I was raised(I'm 61.)I like to send cards of encouragement, sympathy, or just thinking/praying for you. When my husband died last Sept. I did receive lots of cards, and we didn't have a service for him as we scattered his ashes last month.
It is kind of a lost tradition(sadly), but I always get a positive response from the person to whom I send a card to. I think they're usually surprised that someone actually still does that, and it's always appreciated.
I am sorry that you lost your mom. I know you're still grieving. But I wouldn't give this issue any more thought. Lots of people are just uncomfortable when it comes to death and dying and aren't sure what to say or do, so don't take it personal. Just make sure that you yourself are doing unto others as you would have them do to you, because what goes around comes around. Please take care of yourself. God bless you.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to funkygrandma59
cherokeegrrl54 Jun 23, 2021
Im a card sender as well. Lot of times its just a short note of encouragement but people(especially our generation)do like to receive a handwritten note. Thats the least we can do to make our friends and family know we love them and are thinking of them!
My dad died a year ago and we had a graveside funeral. Just family and it was in his home state buried next to mom. Even my closest friends did not send me a sympathy card or call me and they are my generation! I'm 68. I got some "so sorry's" on Facebook and maybe 2 cards. Some people didn’t bother to say anything even when they saw me. I don’t get it, quite frankly.
I am sad too that my niece didn’t teach her sons to write thank you cards and I finally cut out gifts to them as they live out of state and I never knew if they liked anything I sent. Even my niece who was raised by my sister isn’t too great about thank you cards. I guess this is a sign of the times but it’s a sad sign.
For me, I will continue to call and send cards and hopefully it will help the person and set an example.
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Reply to Harpcat

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