Do you send bulletins to keep family informed about every serious health issue?

I think it is okay to not read the updates.

If you say anything you run the risk of offending them and being cut off if there is an important development.

Constant talk about bodily ills is boring. Unless someone is on the point of death, no need to go on and on about the gory details.

I did this for awhile and found out most family members didn't want my updates unless they are positive. So I stopped sending them except to a very select few.

I am agreeing with you . Perhaps they believe family wants to know or they would appreciate a note to the sick relative that you are thinking of them in their illness.
people are different.
I find that no one cares about what I would share so I stopped. And my family doesn’t share anything when someone is ill.
it is nice to send a card when possible if you hear about it

Updates after every doctor visit seems a bit much, but I do know people who send out a family text about big things that might be happening. For example grandpa had a stroke. Instead of ten phone calls, they send out one big family text. There might be a follow up if he were to show signs of improvement or getting worse, but definitely not a play by play.

I personally don't do a mass notification about mom. I did not tell her brothers that we had moved her to a new memory care facility. I had my hands full with the move and still working full time. I knew they didn't call her or visit her because if they had tried, they would know she is no longer there. If she were to have a stroke or fall and break a leg, I would let them know. Other than that...

Maybe they just don't want to handle the stuff alone or maybe its their way of socializing...that is kind of strange to me especially if its a cousin or someone kind of distant from immediate family. I know back in the day i think they use to do that so people knew when someone died, but now i think most families are private because who knows who that person is going to tell and so on and on...and then the whole world knows your business.

Hubby's family barely communicates with us so it's not an issue with them. I use texts or letters to let my family know how he's doing. I don't feel they need to know every little detail on a daily basis. If he was seriously ill and in the hospital, then I would let everyone know.

No! I was finding 2 things: 1. It was taking as much or more energy dealing with family and my mother’s friends as caring for her. 2. Most of the “help” is them watching me and Monday morning quarterbacking. I keep it less frequent and high level only.

If my mom did such a thing, then maybe word would've gotten to someone who would've guided her in the right direction regarding diet and exercise and maybe convince her to be more active.

Not too long ago, she was upset at me because I don't encourage her all that much or praise her for the very minor things she can do and no one reaches out to see how she's doing. If she stopped telling people she was getting better and stronger and told them how things really are, she'd have more people reaching out.

When you tell people everything's fine, don't be surprised when they assume you're better and back to normal and aren't checking in on you often.

You are under no obligation. I assigned one person to distribute health up-dates if it was something important; I didn't have to, I chose to do it. Maybe they could come and help you out and see for themselves?

It is possible that the family bulletins are really to 1) relieve stress and 2) keep a diary of what is happening.

I find that when I write down something, I am likely to re-review what was done and possibly get a "fresh" look at the situation. There has been more than one occasion that while writing out the details to someone, I noticed a pattern or a reminder which then caused me to take additional action.

However, I don't have anyone who is interested, so my writing is stored on my computer. My daughter told me that I needed to keep track of it all out because at some time in the future, she might be needing it for me.

As others have pointed out, not having these updates can sometimes invite others to do the coulda/shoulda/woulda ... otherwise known as giving unwanted advice and criticisms.

I personally have no issue with getting too many emails. I can easily file and scroll past. I'd much rather let them write to their hearts content, rather than unload on me face-to-face at a family gathering. On top of that, maybe there is something in there that might be of use at a later time.

File (or trash) and scroll....

Fawnby: Perhaps you can find a general platform that everyone can have access to as sending individual emails will not work.

No harm in letting relatives know what's going on. Create a chain mail list of people who are family or inquire about their health. Then just zip a note off when something out of ordinary happens.

For regular check up/non urgent doctor visits, don't go into detail with folks that they have an appt. Have you thought about asking one or more of them to assist with dr appt travels? If anyone agrees, tell them on the way home -- would you cc everyone on our mail chain and give an update about today's appt.

You and hubby like medical issues to be private and that's your choice. Your in-laws, evidently, have other family outside your husband. Those relatives should be aware of decline, illness, etc....as courtesy and with kindness.

Family should be a gift instead of bad dysfunctions.

The informative email subject line is good & maybe a text could start out with something similar, but if you’re on the receiving end of them & not particularly interested, notify the sender.

On the other hand, my very private SIL was hospitalized for a week last fall with congestive heart failure. We never knew anything until she returned home & called to tell us. Two weeks ago she had a stroke & was hospitalized six days before her daughters notified us anything was wrong. We were able to see her twice before she passed away on day 9. They were honoring her wishes, but most of the rest of the family felt that we should have been notified sooner with something that serious. She had been more alert the first few days, but by the time we were notified, she was barely conscious.

I learned early on which of my husband’s five kids actually wanted to know about his health issues and which ones needed to know as little as possible. All live within a few miles of us. After his Alzheimer’s diagnosis over a year ago, two daughters (the oldest & the youngest) checked out saying they had gone thru it with their mother and they couldn’t do it a second time, but of course went straight to Facebook to post about their “poor Daddy”. Two other daughters keep in touch with me from time to time, but don’t visit. His son stops in regularly & offers to take him places so I get some time to myself. A few months ago, out of the blue, the oldest daughter called to take him to breakfast. They were gone about 30 minutes. She dropped him off at home & left (I found him wandering out in the yard). Within an hour of dropping him off, she had posted a picture of him on Facebook with a story of how her “poor daddy is losing his mind”, and garnered dozens of sympathetic comments, mostly from complete strangers to us. My husband can still scroll Facebook, saw her post (I’m blocked) and was mortified and furious AT ME over the post. But he didn’t want to confront her or have me step in. Some people just want to milk any drama they can from family issues.

Notifying those who should know and want to be kept apprised of the situation is fair. Those who aren’t really interested or aren’t close friends or family don’t need to be kept informed of every little thing. Those who are only in it for the drama need to be kept at bay. If my husband were hospitalized & appeared to be close to death, I’d tell his son & the middle girls. They could share it with the oldest & youngest if they felt it was necessary. Having purposely chosen to check out of his life, I don’t feel it warrants any effort on my part to let them know anything.

I only sent regular updates to my brothers. Everyone else was free to check in from time to time. I hated answering questions, so tried to say, "this is all I know, please call the dr/hospital/mom/dad (or whatever was relevant at the time) if you have any further questions."

I would like to give a different perspective. I worked in a hospital for over 40 years. Countless times, when a family member was elderly and severely ill, the staff would witness bickering in the families about how aggressive the care needed to be. It was so sad to see this happen. And was also sad to see some force the issue to "do everything for mom/dad" when they were obviously dying.

When I assumed driving my wonderful mid 80s M-I-L to doctor appointments and to the ER, I decided to make sure all her children (they lived many states away) were on the same page. After each doctor visit for an illness, I would send a short e-mail summery of the problem and treatment plan, no labs unless one requested them. When M-I-L told me that she did not want aggressive care, I told them what she said and "please feel free to discuss it with her on their next call." When she need emergency surgery, I made sure she got to talk to each of them briefly.

My brother-in-law and sisters-in-law were appreciative of being informed. M-I-L got forgetful and was hard of hearing and so could not accurately relate what was going on to them. As her health declined everyone knew her desires and the medical problems leading to her current condition. When the time came to sign papers for end-of-life care, there was no family disputes, just time for them to talk to their mom about their love for her. Some even had time to arrange flights to visit her.

So done properly, informing those who need to help make decisions, worked well for our family.

Absolutely not!

I keep my sister and my kids updated. Minimal info to my mother's brothers cuz I find their attitudes to be much less than supportive when I do give them info so they can go pound sand.

Texting is my communication medium. If something significant like a hospitalization occurs, I text out-of-state relatives. If they want or need additional information, they are welcome to call me. Our in-state relatives are always aware of my husband's condition as well as mine because we see each other all the time.

Personally, I do not feel obligated to publish wellness reports to relatives whom we never see or visit.

You can look at it two ways either you get them or you don't. With my BIL we don't get anything on his health the POA's don't believe in sharing anything to his brother who wants to know. It is almost as he is held hostage. The only way we know anything is I go into a site to see what he is on or what was done to him.

They say its a two way street in fact its a one way they hold that information so we don't know. Sucks. BIL has dementia and is in a nursing home. They think I should share the finances with them when in fact I can't because of government regulations.

Prayers

What have your parents done in the past regarding sharing their health information? I would keep it consistent with their wishes. The HIPPA laws were put in place for a reason. You should be very careful about oversharing..

One thing that drove absolutely 'round the bend with YB being Mom's CG--he never told the rest of us ANYTHING.

He wouldn't answer texts, phone calls and often if I went to the house to put eyes on mom, he wouldn't let me in.

We had more than one family mtg where he promised he'd keep us all up tp date with a short monthly email. It never happened, not once in 18 years.

Mom passed in Aug and luckily, I had seen her just a few days before she died. I KNEW she was slipping and was becoming very tired and forgetful--had I not gone to see her when I did, I know her death would have really caught me off guard.

There's a fine line between sharing every blood pressure reading, blood sugar test, amount of insulin she needed, change of meds..stuff like that, no need to share. BUT the overall status of her well being was not shared and he'd complain that 'nobody helps'...but then made it impossible TO help.

It’s just me but I am a very private person and do not share any of my personal info with anyone (doctors excepted) In the case of my wife there are only two family members her sister and niece but even my wife does not share everything with them.

Don't read every message that uses up your precious time, just delete them. You can block calls and text but not email.

I have a very quiet mystery with its lack of family notification (just the opposite of too many messages) to share. I visit my father's grave often. Back in 1956, he divorced my mother after six children, I the youngest, and remarried about 5 years afterwards and fathered another son by my stepmother. One day in late 2020, I discovered my late step mother's name added to Dad's headstone. She had many medical problems and passed away in Alabama near where her son, my half-brother and his wife lives.

I notified family up in OR to check in with half-brother and his wife in Alabama if they arrived ssfe because of the toronados. They are apparently OK.

Just learned this weekend that niether my family up in OR, nor anyone else, was notified of our step-mother's death, because half-brother's wife thinks that Dad's first six children will seek his inheritance that had once been his own mother's (my paternal grandma's). Who is this half-brother's wife, a Gatekeeper? I would never seek money, nor am I'm aware that will anyone else will, just to live send love connection with our very fractured family. I am very alone with prayers and love.

Good Morning,

If it's the "circle" close family I just send a text on a thread to my siblings.

The rule is whoever breaks the thread (basically answers off of the continuous text) since baby sister pulled this stunt when Mom was in hospital during the Pandemic, then the thread is done.

I agree, medical stuff is ok on the surface in the supermarket. Mom had a fall but she's back home and on the mend. That's it, end of story. No blood work details, patient continues to thrive or any other TMI--too much information.

When the ladies from the prayer chain call we just request prayers for healing. Even the Churches do not "advertise" health issues but keep it generic.

I think people get so upset that when a loved one has an emergency basically in the early you will tell anyone who will listen because your routine has been thrown off and you don't know what you are dealing with.

As time goes on and the sickness progresses there's an acceptance where you fill in your close circle of friends, prayer chain and try not to let it consume your entire life.

Amen...

I can see sending out generalized updates to family and friends at their request. But details about medical appts and test results could be handled by giving those who need to know the portal log-in information. They could read the info right from the source.

No, I don't. No one wants to hear it. Trust me they don't.

A couple of my mom's friends send her looong handwritten letters about what's going on with their lives. BTW the stool chart idea is great LOL!

I used CaringBridge.com when my DH had a liver transplant & we were out of state for 7 weeks. I was able to keep family & friends informed and updated of everything that was going on to anyone who WANTED to know if they logged onto the link I'd sent them/invited them to. Some of the step kids accused me of 'starting my own personal blog' and for that reason they refused to read it, which of course was sheer stupidity (if you knew these girls it would make sense....), but 99% of everyone was thrilled that I took the time TO keep the site updated daily. It's an easier way to NOT have to make lots of phone calls or write individual emails, etc. If private info gets out there on the net, who cares? It's a risk we all take daily when we sign on, I guess.

The other good thing about CaringBridge is that the people who are invited to read the site get email/text notifications when I post an update, and I get notified when new comments get posted.