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This is probably part of grief but my goodness. This is just unbelievable.

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YES. I'm going through that right now. My mother passed the night before last and I will tell you, that she hung on for a LONG time. Many times within the past six months it seemed she was going to pass, then she would pull through and each time that happened I took it hard. I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I was her MPOA and took care of everything for her, making the decisions for her care, etc. I feel like I've been run over by a dump truck and I feel like my body is so tensed up that I feel as if my insides are wrapped in barbed wire. Now, I'm dealing with final arrangements for the funeral and then I have to deal with a lot more stuff since I am the Executrix of her Estate. I don't know when I will ever get back to feeling normal again. It has been so tough.
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susiencalif Jun 2019
I am so sorry for the loss of your MOM. I also want to thank you for your ability to be so honest.

This too shall pass.

Gods blessings.
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Its seven! months, almost eight, and I still feel like a balloon that someone let all the air out of.
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anonymous828521 Sep 12, 2019
Well said CW! 🐯
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Segi, I was very grateful that my mom passed away at the end of the summer, when I was off from work. Aside from driving my DH to work each morning, I slept ALOT.

Take advantage of any offered care (like someone dropping off meals). Breathe deeply. Take walks in the sunshine. Visit a beach if you can.
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anonymous828521 Sep 12, 2019
💟2 Barb.
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I hate to admit this, but I was asleep when the funeral home people came to take my mother away. Slept right through it. I had been awake almost the whole night, and most of the previous nights for several weeks, and once my job was over, I just crashed. Sometimes I wish I'd been there with her until the very end, but then I remember, I actually was. My mother was gone. What they took away was only the body.
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You did run a very, very long race. Emotional strain tells on you just as much as physical effort.

Are you sleeping all right at nights?
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anonymous828521 Sep 12, 2019
CW, hi, I wonder about sleep lately,... cuz I wake up awfully early (4am) most days, then feel stressed all day.
Oversleep the next day... (& feel like sh#t with a headache)...
What gives? (Sigh).
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Yes, and I understand that it is normal. I have been told (by a grief counselor) that 1 hour of grieving is the equivalent of 1 hour of digging ditches in terms of energy used. It sure feels like it at times doesn't it? Extra sleep if you can get it really helps, I find. With my niece dying in less than 6 months since mother died I am wiped.
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gdaughter Jun 2019
I still, many years later can picture this...when grieving...that I was unsettled at home and wanted to go out, yet when out...wanted to go home. One day I was in a Border's Bookshop (remember them!?) and suddenly my legs just felt like they could not support the rest of me. I just HAD to sit down. It was just this feeling overwhelming exhaustion. Happened once in a library as well. Be nice to yourself. Take naps. I was back in the routine of working...but would come home so tired I would just go to bed for a while. Dear friend once said "just do what you need to do". I took that both ways...just do the essentials only...or do what YOU need to do to may YOU feel better.
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Thanks for asking this.  It's been only 5 weeks since my aunt died, and my brother-in-law the day before.  My sleep patterns were non-existent.  Like my dog, I nap when I am tired, and get up to do a few things.  I fall asleep easily, at any hour, even with C-Pap being used.  And there is still a lot to be done (son coming next week to help with ashes, brother to help with cemetery marker in another state. 2 different paid help for cleaning out Rose's room, sorting, picking up my meds, and I have canceled or postponed things.)  My health shows changes, with thyroid off and BP high, still limping on old sprain.  I could go on, as well you know, but I am trying to get outside when sun is out.  GLad it is normal for circumstances, and I know it'll improve. I am trying to remember all the enjoyable times with Rose, and not resent the fact that hubby and I got old before we had time to travel or work on bucket list.  Phew!  I feel better now, and will go to bed.
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Segoline Jun 2019
Hey @grannieannie.,man this sux, doesn't it. I am holding you up in my heart and thoughts.

So much of this we just kinda have to muddle through, and clumsily at that. It's like an old pinball machine.bump into this.bump into that. But we don't get any,points for it.

I took the entire week off. Thank goodness I did. So,many of us have had to just stuff feelings in order to get things done. I got a card, beautiful card and note from a co worker today whose mom died not too long ago from advanced ALZ. It was not until I got it,,I was able to take my finger out of the ALZ dyke and cry. And I did and have. You have to be such a machine here, in so many instances.
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The hospice chaplain called to check on me this morning. They do offer services to our family for up to a year.
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lizzywho61 Jun 2019
Sego,

Thats great news. I hope you take advantage of the services and find them helpful.

Try to rest and get thru the next few days.

(((Hugs)))
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Yes, So So Tired, and you can't think your way out of a paper bag, your thoughts are so scattered!

My Mom was on Hospice for 5 months, and living with my sister and family, and each one of us (6 kids) participated in her care along with her Fabulous Hospice team. I took advantage of the Family Care Act, and was taking on average about 1 day off per week from work, but once Mom passed away, the 3 days Grievance time off was not enough, I was in no shape to return to work, I was do exhausted from an emotional sense that I took an additional 3 weeks off and still didn't feel that was enough. Thank goodness I had a very understanding employer, or I would have lost my job. It just takes time, nothing else, time to relearn how to live life without your. LO in your life, and to learn a new normal.

Segoline, it is early days yet, and I suggest you sleep when you can, and be open to any offers of help along the way, and even reach out if there are things you need from other that will make things easier for you. And write Lists, It's so easy to lose your train of thought when there is still so much to accomplish in planning a funeral. Thinking of you as you are grieving the loss of your Mom. Hugs!
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Segoline,

Your loss is so new. Don’t expect too much from yourself.

Some deaths are peaceful, some are hard, and some are traumatic.

I really had a hard time with the traumatic one. My Dad in the hospital. The images haunted me for quite a while.

Give yourself time. If you are struggling see a counselor. There is no shame in that whatsoever! I think your loved one was on Hospice. They should have a bereavement counseler available to the family. Try that first.

My heart goes out to all the fine folks struggling to find your new normal. I think we are forever changed in a profound way by the Caregiving Experience.

Good Luck to all. Be kind to yourself.
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