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I take care of dad 24/7 with help from my son and husband. Today I went off for 4 hours to shop and get out of the house. My son stayed with dad. I had mentioned buying a lift chair from a resale shop while I was out but dad didn't seem interested so I didn't even go look at it. While I was gone he had my son call my brother for him. My brother see's dad twice a month at best.. he told him that he was not cared for here and that he stayed in bed all day (which he does because he refuses to get up unless I insist) stuff like that. My brother told him he was having dinner and would talk to him later. I came home and dad was very agitated. he started abusing me verbally and tried to hit me with his quad cane. I tried to get him to go to his room and calm down. He then tried to get out our front door. He is in a wheelchair and we have 4 steps outside. He would have fallen for sure. he recently received a small check from a nursing home that owed him a refund and he was sure I was out stealing it from his account. His Dr told me most seniors think family members are stealing from them. He wanders around the house at nite and sleeps til noon. he will not stay in bed (at nite)and is constantly ringing his bell and when I come into his room he says he can't remember what he wanted. He also will not tell anyone else what he wants. He says he needs to only tell me. I'm tired and fed up!! Any advice??

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Go Debra!!!
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If he has started to physically abuse you, it will increase. It doesn't matter what the reasons. You and your families safety it is the most important issue. Your dad needs the care of professionals in a more controlled environment. Start the process now before he or someone gets hurt.
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The behaviors that you describe, rosie, are indeed common -- not among "seniors" but among persons with dementia. Has his doctor ever suggested the possibility of Vascular Dementia, resuting from the stroke? It might be a good idea to take dad to a specialist for an evaluation. Some of the symptoms may be treatable, once you know what you are dealing with. It doesn't sound like his primary care doctor has much insight into the difference between normal geriatric behavior and pathological behavior. Most seniors are not paranoid!

Whatever its cause, no one should live with physical abuse. I know you love your father dearly, but you should not put yourself and your family in harm's way. Pursue better medical diagnosis and treatment. And begin thinking about te possibility of placing your father in the care of professionals if the physical violence cannot be curtailed.

Other than the physical outbursts, I think that having an accurate diagnosis would go a long way toward understanding what you are dealing with, what to expect, and how to cope.

Hug to you, and to your entire family. This is an extremely challenging journey you are on.
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