My parents both have dementia. Mum has Alzheimer’s and is 86. Dad has Vascular Dementia and is 88. I was caring for them both until a year ago when it all became too much. I am 63 and hubby 65. They are in a nursing home now, pay privately through the nose for it and since their money is flying out of their bank acct to pay for the care - £10,000 per 4 weeks, I (POA) am selling their flat to pay for continuing care.
My problem is that every time I visit, my dad complains about the home. My mum is very settled there and feels secure. Dad is blind and deaf as well as ill with dementia so he becomes very confused a lot of the time, understandably, and also suffers from suspicion and paranoia episodes. He is taking meds for this. He also doesn’t fully appreciate that he has dementia and that he needs looking after. They both refused to have any carers helping me when I looked after them previously, that’s why they had to move to a home.
My dad is under the impression that if my mum passes first, he can move back to his flat. I would be doing it all over again 24/7 if this happened! I have told him that someone has offered to buy his home but he says if it is sold he wants to see it first. Last time I took him to see it, he got angry because everything had been cleared and cleaned, even though I had gone through everything with him previously - short term memory probs!
He says If it is sold he will move 130 miles away back to his home town where he knows people and I can visit him once a week! I am finding this all so stressful I am at the point of giving up! At the same time, I feel his pain at losing his independence and I’m always trying to please him and fighting a losing battle. On top of all this I feel super guilty because I had to use some of my mother’s money to pay for our food bills and some treats, like days away as I have had to give up my job to see to them and my life has been on hold for years to look after them and hubby is retired. We are finding it very difficult to say the least. Any advice or sympathy appreciated. I feel I am such a bad person.