I feel bad for him but also so angry. My 81-year-old dad is very well off but since my mom died a year and half ago he just cannot believe it. He doesn't trust bank statements and insists on harassing the bank employees to explain to him again how much money he has. Every week he calls my fiance and tells him he needs to go to the bank "just to get his money straightened out." My fiance has very little spare time and is getting really sick of those trips, but he is too nice to tell Dad he can't bear to do it again. So I have to tell Dad, but Dad doesn't trust me and he thinks I'm just being difficult.
My fiance doesn't have a lot of money, and yet usually ends up buying lunch for Dad during outings because Dad is so cheap.
I feel bad for Dad, everything he lost when Mom died. There are moments when he is very sweet an d we have nice drives and outings together sometimes. But when he goes on about how poor he is, sometimes I feel so angry I can't talk to him. Then there are also his ridiculous demands, like that I sew a hole in some old sweatshirt he's had since 1982..he also has hoarder tendencies with clothes.
It sounds like this anxiety about money is textbook dementia? He is forgetful as well, and repeats the same stories again and again, and has some strange ideas. There is also a family history of schizophrenia. I try to keep all that in perspective but it is difficult to respond with compassion when Dad is so cheap, selfish, and mistrusting. Tonight he called my fiance again wanting to go to the bank this week--and every minute we don't call him back his anxiety is growing--but I just can't bring myself to call him back when I feel so sick of his...crap :)
I feel like a horrible, rotten, covetous person for thinking about it but my life, my fiance's life, my sister's life would be so much easier if Dad could just help us out financially. I know I need to stop thinking about that and try to have compassion for Dad in his crippling anxiety.
Anybody else have advice on how to talk to an infuriating parent without getting frustrated?
One last thing, he has been prescribed antianxiety meds a few weeks ago and I think he is taking them, but no discernible difference yet.