My Dad has Dementia, why doesn't he like to talk anymore?

I find myself talking less. It takes a complex action of the brain to get the thoughts sent to the mouth. Words get lost or come out wrong and the train of thought gets derailed. He can still hear you and most of all he can still feel your warm hand in his, feel a hug and smile when things are going right. My old friend and neighbor, Harold, lost all power of speech, but he always had a twinkle in his eye when I hugged him. Cherish those little things, they are gone too soon.

Communication is difficult for dementia sufferers. They want to talk, but sometimes they can hear their own jibberish unfortunately. I used picture books with my dad and he would make his comments best he could. I feel it is important to exercise the brain in spite of dementia and encourage all of the senses to function as much as possible.

Sometimes they can't or it's too hard for them now. Or as cip442 said, they can't stand their own jibberish and feel it when others look at them with incomprehension at the word salad they speak.

My mom has the problem of communicating too, and it's very frustrating for her as well as embarassing. She can hear herself and knows what she wants to say.

But, it is just impossible for her to verbalize.
She wants so much to carry on a conversation. She's an extrovert. She thrives around people But, she knows she can't find the words and say them in a understandable sequence. So, she withdraws and stops trying to be part of the group. When I am with her, I can usually figure out what it is she is trying to say. Sometimes not. But, I have found that if you ask questions that she can say yes or no to, you can find out what she is trying to say. This helps her to stay in the mix and still feel part of life.

My mother used to talk non-stop, and now she'll sit there silently. I don't think she has a lot to talk about, that's part of it, repeats the things that happen in her very small world over and over. Not sure she's too clued into what's going on in the world. She tells me she spends a lot of time thinking about the far past. She'll sit in the dark with no TV or radio for hours at times. I'll guess the input gets overwhelming sometimes. So many changes in the world too... what are these people talking about with FB and twitter, sexting, twirking... it must seem alien.

That was one of the first things Bill lost. I miss having meaningful conversations. All he can talk about is the weather. He can still sing the old songs from way back in his memory so I play then a lot! He likes that! Today is Valentine's Day and he doesn't even remember what it was about! SAD. He and I were devoted to each other. Now there is very little evidence of that love left. He will still hug me and tap me when a romantic song comes on. That is something for me to hand on to.

My husband only talks gibberish. He is pretty quite around others and can say short phrases, but when we are home he talks gibberish and asks gibberish questions ALL DAY LONG. I can handle most of his care but the talking wears me out.

Mom is so funny in this aspect of her dementia. She talks and fully expects that she is understandable. Most of what she says is indistinguishable. However, she looks at me as if I have understood her every word and their meanings! When I tell her I don't understand what she is trying to say; clear as a bell she says "are you stupid today?!!" At first I was hurt by this, now I just smile and give her a hug!

As the dementia progresses, the ability to speak becomes more and more difficult, to the point when the words are just not there anymore. My husband had vascular dementia and when he could not talk anymore, we communicated without him having to speak. I took his hands, asked the questions and watched his face. His eyes, his smile, his squeezing of my hand let me know if I was on the right track. Try to do the same with your father. My husband and I spent hours "talking" this way - going down memory lane - things we did, places we went - everything he could not remember. His expression on his face let me know how much he enjoyed hearing about it. And always tell him how much you love him - that he will always feel; it seems to penetrate the deepest fog that clouds the dementia patient. It did for my husband until the end.

to Photoartc: I guess I am lucky that my husband is so quiet! I need to practice more of what marksburg said. Try to communicate with hands and touches and watch his face! It is so sad for me especially on this Valentine's Day. Certainly not what it used to be! But of course I still love him and want him to know!

Debi, your comment was funny about your Mom asking you clearly, "are you stupid today?" :) This is a sad topic to me, and I am definitely taking pstegman's advice to heart: cherish the little things, as too soon they are gone!" I find myself getting impatient, as Photoartc talked about, as Mom has a constant stream of questions, which often make no sense. It gets very tiring. But soon, I realize, she won't speak at all. Then I'll wish I had her silly questions coming at me. One good thing at our house is the laughter we all share (my husband, Mom, and I) about my Mom coming out with things that even she gets surprised about. We'll be sitting, conversing, and Mom (formerly an articulate English teacher) will put the funniest words in a sentence that don't belong there. She'll laugh, and say, "I have no idea where that came from!" and we'll all have a good laugh about it. I like that she finds it funny, rather than being embarrassed. When we have guests over, she usually sits and listens quietly, laughing when funny things are said, but usually not chiming in. She still gets great enjoyment in being where the action is. But, more and more, I see her words are disappearing, and it's good to read about ways of communicating by touch, eye contact, and continuing to speak with them, as though they are still here. Rather than how some people act....as though they were a piece of furniture, without a brain in their head. Out of ignorance, I think. But it must be painful for them to be totally ignored like that!!

My mother is talking less and less also. She enjoys hearing tales about things going on in my life. I show her the same photos every time and talk about them, it is all new to her again. Sometime she will ask the same questions over and over. If I get frustrated answering them I change the subject. I have a composition notebook in her room and I ask everyone who visits her to write in it before they leave. Just a quick note to say that they were there and a little personal note. I write what we did that day, if we went out to lunch, or stayed and worked on a puzzle. She often asks when will she be allowed to go back home so I wrote a note to say that her Dr. (whom she loves) advised that she move into assisted living because of her memory problem and the stairs in her house and she doesn't seem to mind that much anymore. Watching mom losing who she was is painful to watch but I can still see the twinkle in her eyes when I walk in to visit.

If possible, try getting your dad to write out what he wants/needs. Or, try getting a flip book of photos of different things that would be put in alphabetical order on a large ring. It sounds sort of childish, but it works sometimes. Include some that have a hug, or a kiss or some family photos in case they want to see someone.

Thank you everyone for your responses!

My dad talks very little now. Hardly, but charms the waitresses and embarrasses me when he does say something when we're out. He also goes to other peoples tables in restaurants and want to shake hands with them. Its a strain for me and I am tired of it. I take him out weekly for lunch or so and I find it to be an effort now. Not everyone is receptive and some just ignore him and then I feel hurt.

I worked with mentally ill folks. One of them told me he talked so much because when he did not, there was NOTHING and that was too scary. I know I sometimes think about asking someone a specific thing and then somehow think I already have done it.

I would recommend keeping something on that is stimulating and calming. Music video with pictures of nature, playful kitty videos. Back in video tape days, I combined several on one tape so we had hours of music to nature pictures. It used to be Mirimar (?) that made them. Maybe if you put that in the Amazon site it will lead you to others. Or you could loop family photos on the tv. I am a technosaur, haven't figured out how to make my computer do this.

My husband a very charming, talkative person during his professional life, has lost all conversation. He ask me the same questions: where do you work, where do you live...I must add that when I mention him names, even his daughter name (from previous marriage) he says the name sounds familiar but he can not put a face to that name. Anyway, I have been contacting you all nice people for more than a year, and I want to share my impression of today's visit. I am not sure if he knows who I am, but today I noticed that he was very peaceful, with a smile, and talking to me, as I said before, the same questions, but I don't know why I sensed that peace in him. Besides his diagnosed ALZ he is healthy. That "conformity" also worries me. Any comments?

we just found out that my mother has severe dementia. I am so scarred for her. She talks little . she fell three months ago and broke her hip. Also suffered two strokes.From living by herself in elderly housing to a nursing home is so hard to take. I miss talking to my mom.

My dad has mod-severe alz. & used to be very extroverted like myself. Wanting to make friends, wanting to start conversations even during this stage of alzheimer''s.
However, he has recently been through a hospitalization & medical "hell". Now he does speak but only when spoken to & it always is understandable & makes sense. Always. It does take a little longer for him to answer but not such that it makes the conversation difficult. I am wondering since he is still making sense why he has stopped wanting to start conversations & meet people in his facility. It does concern me because there are other way too quiet residents there as well. More than the normal amount at facilities I have had my parents in in the past. I know this place is not focusing on activities. I don't know why. They do not even have an activities person right now. The other staff is taking turns running bingo 3 days a week which he has no interest in. All he does is wheel his chair to the window & look out and go up & down the halls. It also tells me that the staff although they seem very caring must not be talking to (interacting with) the residents. Not sure why. Anyway, he can still talk but isn't choosing to like he used to in past places. I wish I knew why. He doesn't seem less happy although he does look like he is head bowed down & not alert when I arrive for visits until I say dad, dad & he notices me & while I am visiting he comes to more. I wish the staff were interacting the residents with each other or interacting with the residents themselves such that I didn't feel he was suffering from mental atrophy.

Wow...amazing how everyone is going through such similar situations. My mom can only hear if you basically yell into her right ear. It's funny how she loves for me to translate what is being discussed. She has a beautiful smile and tries so hard to be engaged. I will be so sad the day she can't tell me how much she loves me. Other words come really hard these days, but "I'm so glad I have you," and "I love you", still come easily.

Each and every day - event - holiday is a treasure. Living with your loved one and seeing the decline in communication is difficult - and the strange thing is that it is all "hind-sight". You are never prepared for it. It just happens. Like every step of the Alzheimer path. My husband became an expert almost over night at answering one of my questions with a yes or no! I finally caught on and tried to engage him into a conversation. Not happening. He would get that glazed over look and I new he didn't know HOW to respond. I try to give him "choices". If possible I will show him the options, or using my hands just say the two words. It is still working for now. But, it is OUR perception. We as caregivers, loved ones... need to become astutely aware of change in our loved ones. It is a constant job. One of the most important for both. This knowledge helps immensely. It opens up the path to calmness. Understanding. patience, and good care. There will always be stumbling blocks! I've had plenty..... but, with each one, I learn. And try to do better. He is my world........ and I will do what is possible to make his transition gentle, easy and loving.

Dad was very gregarious. In late 2013 was diagnosed with Alz and Vascular Dementia. A short while ago he was robocalling everyday, and now he no longer calls. I miss him, the chats,the person, the conversations that went on and one. Now when I call, we have extremely short conversations and then he initiates goodbye. It is painful and no one can prepare you for the loss of the person.

They lose their vocabulary slowly but surely. Only a few words remain. They CANNOT carry on a conversation. They are unable. I saw my husband yesterday and he talked a lot, all babbling,and none of it made sense. It is so sad. We haven't had a conversation for over 4 years. That is what I miss the most. Not being able to share stuff like that with my best friend! But he was smiling and happy in the home. Always smiling now. That is good. Every once in a while he manages to say,"I love you!" Or just "Love you!" I'll take it either way!

CATinTails and wamnanealz, you are both experiencing a very real aspect of loving someone who has dementia. We lose that person not once when they die, but in bits and pieces over the months and years. We are in a constant state of mourning and we have no social models for it. No one is bringing us pies and hot dishes and flowers.

In her extremely helpful and insightful book called "Loving Someone with Dementia" therapist Pauline Boss talks about this issue and suggests we have some little personal ceremony or action to acknowledge each loss. The losses often come on gradually, but at some point we can say to ourselves, "I have lost him as a conversation partner" and tell our best friend or buy a yellow rose or post on Caring Bridge or do something to mark the loss.

My husband is just starting to be really unable to communicate what he wants to say. Not just missing a word, but unable to put together the sentence enough for me to fill in the blanks. Sigh. He gets so frustrated.

I'm afraid this might trigger anger in the future. I'm afraid I won't be able to read his mind and make him happy by understanding. My therapist tells me not to look into the future, but that's hard when you see a bad trend starting.

Hugs to you Jinx. This is hard!

I just joined and all of the posts are very helpful. It's so important not to be alone in our care-givers situations. Thank you all!