About 2 years ago, My dad was diagnosed with vascular dementia @ 69. My parents just celebrated their 50th Anniversary last month! He was always romantic and wld get a BEAUTIFUL bouquet of red n white roses to replicate her Bridal Bouquet. this was the 1st year in my entire life he didn't do it for her. reality hits me hard every. Single.day. ugh! growing up he worked sooo hard. mom did too but she retired abt 10 years ago.dad kept working until the day he went to read a tape measure and he cldnt. Made dr appt and now he is stuck at home unable to do anything as he isolates out on their 5 acres in mtns. I have become his full time caregiver. happen so fast. I feel like its a bad dream or something....Dad was always funny n GOOFY & my mom was kinda snobby "miss priss" perfect Mom. our childhood was a funny movie and filled with adventure.Anyways my brother lives off of them and doesnt help financially or physically around their house. My other brother is a state away n dont help. my mom & little brother are both narcissists and dont have the best mannerism or compassion. I am losing my mind. Shld i move back home to be there full time and hope brother will move out? my mom had to come out of retirement n go back to work while brother stays at home in his bedroom while my dad has wondered before. they dont keep him safe .. if i tell them to do something they ignore it. what are my rights as his daughter? if i move home and get paid as his caretaker, will that effect his financial income he is getting now? how does this work? They borrow from me for bills and groceries and im struggling myself. i blame my brother and it is disgusting that he drives his trucks and sells his tools in the shop because he knows our dad wont remember....=(
im on housing and get food assistance. single mom to a 15 yr old son. ive been battling breast cancer since 2018, IM USED to chaos! lol can i file to be POA, or Guardian of my parents or at least my dad. not just letting my dad suffer. Am i being too sentimental or emotional? any advice is greatly appreciated
DO NOT choose your parents over your son. Please don’t ruin his life this way.
You can't file to be POA, you must be appointed by each parent when they are still mentally competent. That horse may have left the stable.
Even if you were paid to be a caregiver for dad, it wouldn't be worth it. The assistance you get now may go away if you move away. You need to get a job so you can build social security credits and have a decent income when you are ready to retire. You should have health insurance for your son and yourself, which getting paid to caregive by dad will not provide. And you must pay income taxes or the IRS may come looking for you, and not just to say hi.
With family caregiving situations, family members often promise to pay you i order to get you there, but once you're in the thick of it they don't follow through. Then where will you get money for yourself? And then you're a care slave with no easy way out.
Avoid these people like the plague! Stop giving them money. Take care of your OWN health and raise your son far away from this mess. Good luck, and I hope you can stay away from the chaos and live a long and happy life on your own.
It sucks to watch the train wreck but, people make choices and every choice has consequences, the worst thing that anyone can do for their own well-being is willing pay the consequences for anothers poor choices. You are actually helping your brother every time you give money for a bill, stop already.
Your brother isn't gonna move because you move in, your mom isn't gonna be a nice person because you move in, however, your son will suffer from the chaos and the insanity will perpetuate to another generation. It is your job to protect your son first and foremost.
Contact the local police to do wellness checks, contact APS to report a vulnerable senior and let your parents and brother pay their own bills.
You take care of your son and yourself.